Ms Menopause

Turning Fifty

2011-11-30T13:07:00.001-05:00

Want to let you know I'm mainly blogging at Musemother blog, and on Facebook posting daily quotes from Musemother about the creative life, the inner journey, and a woman's heart and soul connection.

Soon to be released on Amazon is The Tao of Turning Fifty, available for sale on my website, www.jenniferboire.com. Subtitle: What Every Woman in Her Forties Needs to Know.

So hop on over to Musemother's blog, or visit the website for upcoming events and news.

What's in the works: online journal writing classes for women who want to connect with the Inner Feminine wisdom and just hang out with like-minded women who seek to know themselves better through jotting things down on paper - a mysterious process that seems to work really well !

have a creative, transformative mid-life journey
Jenn/Musemother

Feminine Knowing and Menopausal Journey

2011-04-25T10:57:00.000-04:00

Is menopause merely the cessation of your period? is it about losing your memory and having hot flashes? losing your fertility? Or is it a mid-life reorientation project?

This a journey you are embarking on, a deeper phase to your woman's journey, a developing and a continuing and an unknowing. It feels to me like being in a labyrinthe in the woods, a circular path that branches out and leads in so many different directions it's easy to get lost.

What is the path of a woman's life? especially a woman who decides to have children, who gives over her body to create another body. How does she regain her centre (if she has lost it)? and how does she keep those boundaries clear - me, us, them? How does she find herself again? Menopause is part of that journey.

Menopause is not an overnight thing. It creeps up on you slowly. You don't notice it happening until one day you realize your period hasn't come this month, and your pregnancy test comes back negative. Then it comes back the next six months so you forget there's something going on. Or your PMS increases to two weeks out of the month, and if you really stop and look at it, you see your emotional landscape is a little out of control. Or maybe you aren't sleeping well at night and not even Chamomile tea or hot milk helps calm the little gerbil on its cage running all night long in your brain.

There are many many symptoms, and lots of websites to describe them to you. What this blog tries to point to is not the symptoms, but the journey. It's as if you are on the highway to Ottawa from Montreal, and took a side road without realizing it. You look up and wonder where you are, the landscape doesn't look familiar, the trees are in the wrong place, and the road signs post names of towns you don't remember or recognize. You need to figure out where you are.

Honour your not knowing by standing still. The first thing to do when you feel lost, is to stop. Stop running in circles, stop pretending you know where you are. Stop and ask for help.

Someone who has been there before may help you. Someone who has been lost and found the way again.

This mid-life woman's way has been largely uncharted till recently. The women who came before us were told they didn't matter, or they were second best. Or their uterus was hysterical. The male hero story describes the quest of the masculine, but where are the stories of the feminine quest?

There are wise women who are writing now about women's cycles, women's journey, woman's life trajectory, especially about menopause. Browse this website for some of their articles, for reviews of their books, for mention of the sacred journey.

It is time to honour your own knowing. Begin with admitting you don't know, and stay with the question. Questing. Know that the way out is the way in. Going down and in will lead you up and out.

And watch www.questinggirl.blogspot.com for all new postings. I am working on a book for women in mid-life called The Tao of Turning Fifty, and a new website and classes to go with it, sometime in 2011.

Take good care now,
Musemother/Jenn

Astrology of Menopause

2010-04-12T15:43:00.001-04:00

http://www.elizabethspring.com/Astrology_of_Menopause

OK, one last post, because this is too interesting.

Check out the website above, my sister sent me, as she is a budding astrologer herself.

Apparently our life cycles move with the planets too. Very cool information.

Jenn

MOVING OVER TO MUSEMOTHER

2010-04-06T08:55:00.000-04:00

Good morning or afternoon
I've decided to continue blogging any menopause notes on the questinggirl/Musemother blog, so that I can consolidate my blogging time.

This blog will remain present for those who want to research by the labels on the side, under heading topics. There is a ton of good information there, and lots of links to other sites about menopause.

Above all, know that I am still writing, still curious, still looking for new information and posting on www.questinggirl.blogspot.com under Musemother.

Have a happy peri-menopause, and check my blog for news of The Tao of Turning Fifty, what every woman in her forties needs to know about the menopausal journey, coming to a bookstore near you sometime in the near future.

best
Jenn

Rest is Radical

2010-03-30T18:03:00.000-04:00

How is it we get to mid-life so tired?

I was talking with my husband last night over supper, trying to remember if I was this tired and stressed about everything when I was in my 20's and 30's. No, absolutely not, unless memory fails me (which it does regularly, but that's another topic).

Before kids is more to the point - we started late, due to miscarriages, and I had my first child at 36, second at 38 years old. Barely time for them to hit puberty before I hit peri-menopause and more lack of sleep. My daughter had just started sleeping full nights in her own bed, when I began demanding it was time for her to tuck me in at 9:00 p.m. I was very tired.

Now, postmenopause, I can say that my energy levels are better. I can even stay up till 11:00 p.m. without yawning too much. However, rest days and naps are a saving grace, and I think they are wonderful medicine, and very cheap.

For example, last Sunday, I had a huge list of things to do, furniture to put outside if it was nice, bicycles to pump up, a year's worth of bills to file, and a messy home office that needed organizing. But we had had a very rich dinner the night before at Au Pied du Cochon http://cabaneasucreaupieddecochon.com/index.html. Suffice it to say that after the gravlax and buckwheat pancakes, pork and beef tourtiere, roast chicken, lobster stuffed cabbage, omelette, fried pork rinds (oreilles de crisse), and beef tongue, oh yes and the pea soup with foie gras starter, we could barely roll into our beds let alone roll out of them Sunday morning.

So we not only slept in, we had an afternoon nap after a hot bath. It was a first for my husband, to ignore the list of spring cleaning items and just take it easy with a good book in the bathtub, then sleep in the afternoon. But how heavenly. And I thought, make this a real Sabbath, and take care of yourself for once. Do not get up and read emails, or turn on the computer. Unplug!

As you come into midlife, give yourself the gift of rest, at least once a week, and if you can make time every day! Rest is a radical option, cheaper than medication, and often all you need.

musemother
ps title taken from a chapter in The Piill, are yous ure it's for you, Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
http://www.wildgenie.com/books_fs.html

Weight Gain in Menopause

2010-03-25T08:22:00.000-04:00

"women and men may be closer in size than the males and females of some other great apes not because men have been freed of the selective pressure toward enlarged body size but because women have been under some pressure to become fairly large themselves. Assuming that women have been selected for enhanced longevity - a long life after menopause - it helps to have a respectable body mass to persist through the decades. Large animals generally live longer than small animals. Many factors besides lifespan influence the evolution of a female's body size, including habitat, method of locomtion, diet and the demands of pregnancy and lactation....but it is possible that in the triangulating, negotiatingt process of adaptive change, women's physiology has seen a modest thrust toward maximizing body size while still remaining with the developmental constraints of reproductive demands.

Afer all,women are the second largest female primates on the planet, bested only female gorillas who weigh an average of 185 pounds, compared to our nonobese norm of 125-130 pounds. Women are bigger than female orangutans, who weigh less than 100 pounds an dconsiderably bigger than female chimpanzees or bonobos. By comparison, men, with their standard weight of 160 pounds are much smaller than male gorillas, and smaller too than male organutans who average 200 poundes.

....what I am doing is offering grist for the argument that women need muscle mass more than men do, and that ... we must take the hint and make the most of our long-lived vessel. We need muscle....we have an extraordinary capacity for strength, the more impressive given our comparatively low levels of testosterone....Women are workhhorses in most of the developing world (carrying loads on ther heads or backs for miles and miles). If the world's women went on strike, the world of work would effectively stop...."

The gist of her argument is that.. in the West, longevity has increased while the need for physical strength has declined. We are living longer....and we need muscle more than ever to protect our health. If we exchange muscle for fat as we age, we having nothing to shield our bones and weather illness.

fascinating book, by Natalie Angier, Woman, An Intimate Geography,

Menopause and Sex

2010-02-15T10:25:00.002-05:00

"We are all born sexual beings, from the moment we are born till the day we die. Whether or not we are in a sexual relationship with another person, we can feel good in our bodies, appreciate sensual pleasures, and learn what excites us sexually. Our sexuality has the potential to be a powerful and positive force in our lives, filling us with energy and deepening our most intimate connections."

- Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era

There are million and one ways to find pleasure as a menopausal or peri-menopausal woman. Even if you think there is nothing left of your libido, don't give up on yourself. Sex is one of the few pleasures that doesn't make you fat or raise your cholesterol, so you'd think more women would indulge.

Part of low libido could be from fatigue, from overwork, from not wanting to give into one more demand on our fragile ecosystem. I think women are used to 'putting out' as they call it, instead of being able to receive.

One day on Oprah 2 years ago, I heard Dr. Christiane Nortrhup talk about how we can revisualize our whole bodies as an erogenous zone, not just the genitalia. It takes some imagination, some dream time, but you can use whatever props or visual aids you need to help you feel excited again about sex. Sometimes, what a woman needs is some self-loving, and for some of us, an extra aid to achieve that goal.

If you are also interested in the environment, here is a website with some eco-friendly sex toys:www.ecosex.ca . which I found on the redtent sisters website.www.redtentsisters.com

Let's hear it for menopause

2010-02-01T16:51:00.004-05:00

This excerpt is from the Power of Aging an article about 80 year old activist Betty Krawczyk.

"Grandmothers have long played an important role in sustaining life and nurturing their families and the community at large, Betty says.
"The human female is the only animal to live so long after the reproductive organs shut down," she says, adding that according to anthropologists, the role of providing food for the clan often fell to older women when the traditional male 'hunter' could not find enough.
"Menopause allowed older women to give back to the community by allowing them to focus not on reproducing, but nurturing," Betty says. In fact, when looking at human evolution, menopause was the gift "nature gave to the human species that enabled our species to multiply and spread out over the globe."
It is this "ancient connection between old and young" and the tradition of elder leadership that Betty says more older people need to embrace. "Elders and grandmothers in particular are way too meek and mild," she says, adding that to harness the power born of experience, more older people need to insist on an important leadership role.

Betty Krawczyk is the author of Clallyoquot: The Sound of my Heart and Lock Me Up or Let Me Go.

Excerpt from an interview with Betty:

Elders and grandmothers in particular are way too meek and mild. We are a huge population and we should go straight for the sources of power, not to become co-managers of a monstrous unmanageable environmental and economic mess, but to strike out for new territory in refusing to accept the corporate culture as an ideal way to live.
Practically speaking, running for office, getting behind progressive moves that promises to make children a priority, that promises to actually bring forth measures to preserve the environment before every last tree is cut, every last fish caught, every bit of farm land developed, etc., grandmothers know what needs to be done if our life support systems are to be preserved and we should be busy about doing them.

Read the whole article at:
http://50plus.com/Lifestyle/BrowseAllArticles/index.cfm?t_offset=2&documentID=21635

Menopause the Musical

2010-01-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

If you are anywhere in your forties and wondering what menopause is about, go see Menopause the Musical.
It is hilarious. Using songs from the 60's and 70's, the 4 women characters act, sing and dance their way through several floors of Bloomingdale's while consoling themselves and each other about hot flashes, memory loss, empowerment, mothers who still see them as children even though they have grown children of their own, and a host of other funny scenarios.

I laughed out loud a lot! and so did the theatre full of women - some young, some middle-aged, some accompanied by men (ok about 12 men in the whole theatre, I counted).

It feels good to laugh at the uproar The change causes in women's lives. Enjoy!

jenn/musemother

Great articles on menopause

2010-01-15T14:24:00.001-05:00

One of the great advantages to the web and to this blog is the speed with which we can discover or uncover new information.

I've been thinking about rewriting the front section of the Tao of Turning 50, a manual for peri-menopause, but busy in the car doing errands all morning. Just got home and my sister had left me an email with a website link from a wholistic pharmacist in Calgary, friend of hers, and someone who writes about menopause with great intelligence and scientific knowledge.

Here's the link: to RoseMarie Pierce's article on menopause:
http://www.sunstreams.ca/023_MenopausalYea.html

and there are some wonderful articles about PMS and the hormonal imbalances that contribute to it.
Most of us think we need estrogen, and she points out that estrogen dominance and low progesterone also are culprits of PMS and menopausal symptoms.

thanks for sharing, Sue
always on the look-out for wise women input,

Jenn/musemother

Honour the Feminine Quest

2010-01-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

What is it to enter menopause? is it merely the cessation of your period? is it a mid-life reorientation project? is it about losing your memory and having hot flashes? losing your fertility?

Or is this a journey you are embarking on, a deeper phase to your woman's journey, a developing and continuing and an unknowing. It feels to me like a labyrinthe in the woods, a circular path that branches out and leads in so many different directions it's easy to get lost.

What is the path of a woman's life? especially a woman who decides to have children, who gives over her body to create another body. How does she regain her centre (if she has lost it)? and how does she keep those boundaries clear - me, us, them? How does she find herself again? Menopause is part of that journey.

Menopause is not an overnight thing. It creeps up on you slowly. You don't notice it happening until one day you realize your period hasn't come this month, and your pregnancy test comes back negative. Then it comes back the next six mnnths so you forget about it. Or your PMS increases to two weeks out of the month, and if you really stop and look at it, you see your emotional landscape is a little out of control. Or maybe you aren't sleeping at night and even Chamomile tea or hot milk doesn't help the little gerbil on its cage running all night long in your brain to calm down.

There are many many symptoms, and lots of websites to describe them to you. What this blog tries to point to is not the symptoms, but the journey. It's as if you were on the highway to Ottawa from Montreal, and took a side road without realizing it. You look up and wonder where you are, the landscape doesn't look familiar, the trees are in the wrong place, and the road signs post names of towns you don't remember or recognize. You need to figure out where you are.

Honour your not knowing by standing still. The first thing to do when you feel lost, is to stop. Stop running in circles, stop pretending you know where you are. Stop and ask for help.

Someone who has been there before may help you. Someone who has been lost and found the way again.

A woman's way has been largely uncharted till recently. The women who came before us were told they didn't matter, or they were second best. The male hero story describes the quest of the masculine, but where are the stories of the feminine quest?

There are many wise women who are writing now about women's cycles, women's journey, woman's life trajectory, especially about menopause. Browse this website for some of their articles, for reviews of their books, for mention of the sacred journey.

It is time to honour your own knowing. Begin with admitting you don't know, and stay with the question. Questing.

Winter Rest in Midlife

2009-12-16T13:36:00.002-05:00

Snow hastens to reach ground
Up-gusts blow sideways
Water is harsh, moving to shore in a hurry
Waves bump rocks over the side and onto grass
Backyard view almost obscured by white
wind and shades of grey
island’s shoreline obliterated by violent tempest.

we are safe inside the window warm and heated
we are on solid ground watching white caps
winter showed up to day grizzly beard and big boots
white hair scraggled and long
not father Christmas with jolly belly and smiles
but burly lumberjack all bluster and blizzard
it is best to be inside, not venture out
it is wiser by far to stay put, drink chai from the red Chinese pot
read the I Ching for aphorisms
throw the coins and divine the future
“It will snow today, tomorrow and the next day” (says the
weatherman) so hunker down in the bedside bunker
with your little dog on your lap and the cats spread like living fur coats
ease the angst in the stomach about the list of things
take the day off
to dream and be remiss
you have an excuse to be late
to not return those library books
to miss an appointment
to stay home in bed and do nothing but read a novel

You have been blessed
with a snow day of rest.

Finding Sanctuary and Serenity in Mid-Life

2009-12-09T14:51:00.005-05:00

Here in this room I have created a sancturary and this is what I want - nothing on my list of goals to achieve, nothing on my to do list or to to buy list. Just blessed peace, for a moment, in which to find a still point, a place to let go of thinking, and always running the show.

I have built this sanctuary, this house on the edge of the lake, to have somewhere to dream in, to find whatever it is I need. I do not feel the urge to leave anymore, that mid-life restlessness has been removed. I do not feel the urge to flee myself or keep busy constantly. I even begin to feel joy in the kitchen, in the center of the house, in receiving guests to celebrate the new year with us.

Up until now, what I enjoyed doing most was uncovering new information then disseminating it. Making the unknown known (which was whispered to me during a Soul Purpose exercise at the Writer's Spa in Taos in 2006).

I find healing in Bija's chants, in soothing yoga classes, in lying down on my bedroom rug to do yoga stretches, a vibration that rocks the soul. No need for talking, just being breathed.

There seems no end to war and vengeance in the outside world, but here in my sancturary, I have glimpses of surrender, of letting go and letting fate take its course.

I no longer know what I want to do. What does a know it all do when she no longer knows, I ask myself. Breathe, relax, iron and do laundry. Buy groceries and prepare my class for next week, prepare a mini-retreat for myself on this snowy day. Reconnect with myself through my journal, find my inner self and record it here.

High on the list of pleasure filling activities are music and singing.
I feel strong when I get good feedback about my singing. I feel strong when I help other people feel better about themselves. I feel strong when I am quiet and alone listening to soothing music. I feel strong when I do yoga. I feel strong when I am not rushed and can go at my own pace.

I feel the urge to surrender the direction of my life to an inner current, my heart wants to lead the dance, and my mind is terrible at following the heart's lead. I put my heart's foot first, trust in the unknown. I have strengths in intuition, to guide me if I trust it.

I know what I know. Information comes to me from within.
Follow up on that insight, impulse.

Shut down the internet/computer/emails and reliance on outside information, more often.
Rely more on the whispered truths, subtle influence of the god/ess within, higher power, creative team, guidance from within, pilot light turned on.

In stormy times, seek the center.

Keep the foundation strong by nourishing self-love, water the root. Find the eye of the storm in 'I'ness.

The fear I have that sometimes prevents me from hanging out in this peaceful place is that I will turn into mush if I do nothing, if I explore with curiosity this place of acceptance and waiting for an impulse from within.

This morning I felt so tired of moving from someone else's impulse, energy and always responding as if I have to, as if I am a puppet whose strings are pulled by someone else. I felt resistance to moving this way anymore. I feel how passive I have been, how disconnected from my own passion.

I am at a crossroads, here in the heart and hearth of my new home. I don't want to go out. I don't want to rely on outside sources to fill me with information and inspiration, all the while hungry for my own truth.

Where does my candle get lit from, which fire? It's a new feeling, to feel blank, without direction, with no moral code or order to guide me. and to be ok with it. This is a new acceptance, to stop before heading out in the snowfilled blizzard without compass or direction.

In my mind I am in a snowblind place. But the heart feels the sun's pull, its direction and asks me to be patient. Trust that I have everything I need. Don't let self-doubt sabotage me as I experiment with not knowing how it will all turn out.

Written January 13, 2009.

I am enough

2009-11-25T11:51:00.003-05:00

During the menopausal journey, all kinds of old ghosts have come back to haunt me.

Unfinished dreams from adolescence (so you think you can dance/act/sing?). Unfinished loves: remember that boy in Grade 11 who idolized you? maybe you thought he was too immature, even if he was cute. You took him for granted at the time. Maybe he really saw you. Maybe you feel like you want to be really seen that way again.

I found all kinds of circles coming back at me in my forties. In my last year of high school, I was in a dance/mime play of Inuit legends called the Land before Time. It was one of the highlights of my creative life to be chosen for that play, to have rehearsals in the National Arts Center and a tour of high schools in the Ottawa area for 2 weeks (off school, too).

Later, I hooked up with one of the women who was in the play with me, who now lives in Montreal and we became good friends again. One of my unfinished dreams was to be involved with theatre once more, and Jo and I began a project to put a long poem series of my friend Carolyn Souaid, Sedna, on stage (which just happened to be based on an Inuit legend). We hired two actresses and began rehearsals, and during that time, Jo gave me the director of the Student Young Company, Dennis Hayes' email address. He sent me the text of Land Before Time, which absolutely blew my mind, to come full circle with that piece. Our production of Sedna played one night only for the Circus of Words, a night of poetry in performance. But it brought me a lot of satisfaction to be involved with 'theatre people' again.

I also had the chance to clear up some ancient longings and meet with former love interests, to close the door on the 'what if' scenarios my mind was cooking up. There was a lot of unfinished business that came to a head in my forties.

Now, I've just turned 55, and recently received a birthday card from a close friend that said, Jenn, you are so serene, you've changed since I've known you. Is this what post-menopause looks like? I had to laugh, and gave her a big hug of thanks. Yes, this is how it feels, once the rollercoaster of emotions has calmed down, the night sweats are over, and sleep is your friend again.

So this post is about closing the circle, and probably new ones begininng. It is the end of something, for me. One cycle has finished. Another one begins.

I am at peace with myself. I am surrounded by wondferful women friends. I am still married to my best friend. And I feel finally ready to send my work out to the world, to share what I am learning along the way.

blessed be,
Jenn/musemother

The way of going down, of letting go

2009-11-08T21:42:00.002-05:00

A woman in the middle of her life may need to go through a down time, to journey into her depths; it may even look like a depression. She may need some time in isolation to find her own inner powers – connection to her body, her emotions and her sexuality, her intuition, her values, and her soul. She may feel as if she doesn’t know where she is going, what’s coming next. It’s a time of passage in-between – letting go of the old self, not sure of the new self yet. It may imply a change of job, or of roles (mother to grandmother), a divorce, grown kids leaving home, dying parents.

Menopause is a time of dying to the old way and opening up to a new way of being. Sometimes it is difficult to live this change, to accept the end of one thing and open our hearts and arms to a new self. It is not a linear journey.

It helps to look at this as a sacred journey. We do the careful work of an archeologist, excavating in the dark, in dreams and memory for the lost pieces of our selves.

“In the middle of the journey of our life, I found myself within a dark woods, where the straight way was lost.” Dante, quoted in Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser.

It takes a great amount of trust to surrender to a higher power, trust the life force, admit we feel lost and let God’s will be done. Sometimes the choice seems limited – either break down or break open, as Lesser puts it so well in her book.

Have you had dreams of feeding or birthing a baby who needs to be fed but has been neglected almost to the point of dying? This may represent an urgent need to reconnect with your own wisdom, your own knowing. And subsequently be reborn as a sensual being, cherishing and nourishing your female body, recognizing that you embody the sacred feminine.

Sumerian goddess Inanna’s story is an example of a dark night or initiation. In her descent to the underworld lies a story of a dying of the outer self and a rebirth. It is an archetypal story for soul growth, by one of the earliest writers in history on clay tablets, Princess Enheduanna of Akkad in Sumeria, 2300 BCE (translation from tables discovered in 1940’s).

The Descent of Inanna: (taken from Joan Borysenko's book)
“Inanna prepares to descend to hell to visit her sister Erishkegal, queen of the Underworld. She instructs her loyal friend and servant Ninshubur to wait for 3 days at the entrance to the Underworld and if she doesn’t come back to call upon the gods for help. Then she girds herself with all her powers, a crown on her head, a circle of lapis beads under her neck, to strands of gems over her heart, a wondrous breastplate, a gold ring for a bracelet, royal robes and a lapis measuring rode and line.

Seeing her coming, arrayed in all her glory, the Gatekeeper Beti calls his mistress Erishkegal – she instructs him to open each of the seven doors just a crack, so that in squeezing through Inanna will have to divest herself of one power at each gate and arrive bowed low and powerless before her.

At the first gate Beti removes the crown of Inanna’s intellect. At the second gate: her lapis necklace (power to defend herself through speech); At the third gate, he removes the double strand of beads over her heart, the twin flames of wisdom and compassion. At the fourth gate he removes the breastplate called ‘come, man, come’ through which she can summon the help of men through her charisma. At the fifth gate he removes the golden ring from her wrist, curtailing her power to strike back. At the sixth gate, the laps measuring rod and line are taken so that she cannot divine her bearings. At the seventh gate her royal robes are stripped away, her outer personality, her ego.

Inanna as naked and defenseless as a newborn is ushered into the throne room before Erishkegal. There, the seven fierce Annuna, judges of the Underworld, surround Inanna and pass judgment against her. Erishkegal fastened on her the eye of death, and spoke against her the word of wrath. She uttered against her the cry of guilt. She struck her. Inanna was turned into a corpse, a piece of rotting meat, and was hung from a hook on the wall.”

Meanwhile, the faithful Ninshubur has waited for three days and three nights for her mistress to return. She suspects foul play and begins a loud lament, accompanied by the beating of drums. She dons a simple mourning dress and hurries off to the gods to ask for help in saving the queen of heaven and earth. Father Enlil, god of air, refuses aid. She asked for it, but he grumbles. “Whoever receives the powers of the Underworld has to stay there.” Then she goes to Father Nanna, god of the moon, and begs him to save Inanna. He is as grumbly as Enlil and will not lift a finger for his daughter for she has chosen her destiny. Finally Ninsubur visits Enki, the god of wisdom who had gifted Inanna with the fourteen me, the blessings of power, to begin with. Enki is distraught, filled with love and concern for his beautiful daughter, the holy priestess of heaven.

Enki scrapes dirt from beneath his fingernails and fashions two odd and wonderful creatures, neither male nor female. To the kurgarra he gives the food of life, to the falatur the water of life. He instructs them to sneak into the underworld like flies through the cracks in the gates and gifts them with the secret of love’s true power.

Queen Erishkegal is in great pain, giving birth, writhing naked and uncovered. He tells the creatures to mirror her pain – oh my insides, oh my outsides. Oh my belly, and this they do. The queen is so touched at being acknowledged and seen, that she is willing to grant these two creatures whatever they want. They ask for Inanna’s corpse, hanging form the hook on the wall. As instructed, they sprinkle food of life and water of life, and Inanna rises up out of death.

The seven judges grab her and inform her she must replace herself with someone else or she can’t leave. The galla, demons from hell, go with her. They pick Ninshubur, but Inanna refuses to give up her loyal friend. Next they try to claim Shara, Inanna’s son, who is grieving his dead mother, dressed in sackcloth. Inanna, sees her husband Dumuzi, sitting on his throne, resplendent in garments of me, reveling to music, not in mourning at all – and she is infuriated, feels dishonoured, unloved. So she fastened the gaze of death on him, and the word of wrath, the cry of guilty (like Erishkegal). The galla clutch him, but he turns into a snake and slithers away. Dumuzi’s sister prays that she might be taken to hell instead of her brother, Innana agrees to a compromise, Dumuzi will stay in hell for 6 months of the year, his sister the other 6. (The alternation of light and dark prefigures many myths of agrarian cultures). A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko

Inanna descended to meet her own shadow, death, and the judgments it held of her, so she could reclaim true power she had been gifted with (wisdom and love). Enki had gifted her with the mastery of truth and the art of lovemaking.

Exercise –

Dying to old Self: what time is it in my life?

What is it Time to let go of?

Draw a clock on a sheet of paper, and circle the time on it.

Is it 11:00? Near the end of a cycle?
Or 9 am, near the beginning?
Or noon, right in the middle?
.

Health Bloggers Vote Now

2009-10-27T12:08:00.003-04:00

Hey people
Just got invited to join the People's Health Blogger Award contest for best health blog with Wellsphere.

I invite you to browse this blog, and if you like what you see, Vote for me! on the sidebar.
here is what I've been blogging about over there (and they link to my wisdomforwomen blog as well).

Healing Ourselves (recent Wellsphere blogpost)

The one single most important thing I have learned about menopause, and it has been a wonderful learning opportunity, is about self-care.

There is no fast easy way through menopause. For some of us, it's an emotional roller coaster (I raise my hand on that one). For others, it's hot flash season and lack of sleep that has them tossing and turning.

Others swear they never felt a thing, hardly noticed anything had changed (just too busy I guess, or in prime shape).

Menopause is not an illness. But it does require you to pay attention to your health. In fact, most of the symptoms arise from our body-mind connection - too tired? not getting enough sleep? never stopping to take care of yourself? eating on the run? burning the candle at both ends? adrenaline junkie? your body will let you know what you need to do. Mostly, it involves slowing down, taking stock, being real with yourself.

What do you really need right now? A nap may be enough, or a trip to the osteopath or ayurvedic consultant. Or maybe some help with taking care of your elderly parents.

Most women I know are working moms, or just working. We easily get over busy and over burdened with things we do for others. The last person on our list is ourself.

I invite you to browse my blog/website www.msmenopause.blogspot.com for articles on and tips on how to take better care of yourself.

For health related information on symptoms, the best site ever is www.womentowomen.com. I've used them as a resource for over two years now and have found they are way ahead of everyone else, mixing holistic and western approaches with success.

So ladies, it begins with you, with me. It does get better. It does require serious slowing down. Listen to your body, it is your best teacher.

Jennifer
aka musemother

Remember Peace

2009-10-22T15:36:00.001-04:00

You have fallen in love with sound,
why not silence?

You have fallen in love with war.
Why not peace?

You have fallen in love with doubt,
why not clarity?

You have fallen in love with hate.
Why not love?

You have fallen in love with death.
Why not life?

You have fallen in love with knowing when the time is up.
Why not fall in love with knowing where time stands still?

Prem Rawat

Check out this website for a way to cultivate Peace in a world of turmoil
www.wordsofpeace.ca
www.wopg.org

Live where your fear is

2009-10-08T11:07:00.003-04:00

Reading the Art of Extreme Self-Care by Cheryl Richardson, http://www.cherylrichardson.com/ I came across this line: Forget Safety. Live where you fear to live."

I've been sitting with my fear for a while now, letting it keep me playing small, keep me inside, in the closed circle of comfort and routine, or what is known and familiar. Yet aching to stretch, own my power, get out and play with the larger world.

For myself, it begins with sitting with the feeling in my body, letting tears come, letting feelings rise up, then breathing with it. Being a companion to my sadness or fear or anxiety instead of rejecting it and pushing it back under. This doesn't feel comfortable but it can be done safely, if I am patient with myself. It's like the poem by Rumi, Guesthouse, all these emotions are gifts or guests that come and stay with us, to teach us how to be in the world.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks
http://www.gratefulness.org/poetry/guest_house.htm

So live with your fear as a gift, that can lead to greater opening, to more acceptance.
Cradle and mother with tenderness the tender young self imprisoned in the cave of your heart.
Give her a name and breathe her to life.....

10 Best Things about Menopause

2009-09-28T11:16:00.004-04:00

"The joy of menopause is the world's best-kept secret. Like venturing through the gateway to enter an ancient temple, in order to claim that joy a woman must be willing to pass beyond the monsters who guard its gate. As you stand at the brink of it, it can appear that only darkness, danger and decay lie beyond...but as thousands of woman from all cultures throughout history have whispered to each other, it is the most exciting passage a woman ever makes." Leslie Kenton, Passage to Power

The Ten Best Things about Menopause are:

1. Freedom to have sex without worry of getting pregnant, No more birth control.
2. Rediscovering my own interests, now that my children have grown older.
3. Rediscovering my life as a couple, more time for just the two of us (see #1).
4. Time alone: indulging in my need for time alone without guilt.
5. Finding my Voice: having a say, speaking my truth, speaking up.
6. Creativity Sparked: letting go of the old, making room for the new creative spirit.
7. Knowing my own body, getting comfortable with its shapes, quirks, needs
8. Growing my intuition, claiming my women's wisdom.
9. Healing time: allowing myself to rest, nap or do nothing; pampering myself without feeling guilty. Sometimes it's all about me
10. Inner Journey: looking deeply, listening, writing, reflecting on the inner life becomes a need.

What are your 10 best things?

jenn

The way of the conscious feminine

2009-09-03T10:54:00.004-04:00

(excerpt from A Woman's Way, the tao of turning fifty by Jennifer Boire)

"It is difficult in life to find the Feminine Realm. The drawing of the water, the gathering of the grains no longer are performed under an open sky. ...The sense of her task as consecrated and necessary to the cosmos is gone. And I fear for women yet to come. For under the pressures of modern life, time has become compressed. The feminine sense of time has all but disappeared.

Yet woman cannot exist with only a linear awareness of time, for her sense of sacred Kairos time is the precious essence of life. There must be time enough for her to experience the sacredness within each moment and within herself...."
I sit listening to the wind (Judith Duerk, author of Circle of Stones)

According to Duerk, we have modeled ourselves on the masculine way, but the heroic task and journey of the masculine cannot provide what a woman needs to complete the journey of the conscious and developed feminine...we need a Feminine way.

"When a woman uses her energy only to reinforce what is outside of herself, she becomes cut off from her depths. Her own feelings and life values become inaccessible to her. She molds herself to external standards and loses touch with her individuality. She is cut off from all that is uniquely her own that could nourish her and those around her, cut off from the creative new answers so badly needed in the world today.… And her depths become enraged!

The whole wellspring of womanly creativity within her is furious for not being tapped."
from I Sit Listening to the Wind

Have you experienced this battle inside? A part of you that judges yourself harshly, strives to compete, be prepared, be on time, get things done, and runs steamroller over your own feelings or tiredness, your need for quiet time? Makes you feel guilty for needing down-time, playtime or rest? A force that keeps you primed to perform even at the expense of your own health.

Reading Duerk’s book, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek; yes, my body was saying, you have been tricked into this harsh attitude of performance and perfectionism, and you whip yourself harder because you have no faith in your own feelings or emotions, the heart side.

Focused on doing instead of being, the body resists, and by way of a message, my neck acts up. Freezes, cramps and gets so sore, that I have to quit working and rest....Ah, rest. I allow myself 30 minutes to lie on the lounge chair outside, in the last few sunny days of summer. I put down the book I am reviewing, and let myself nap. Get back in touch with my fatigue, my body's wisdom, and dream my own thoughts.....a woman dreaming the conscious feminine way.

I invite you to find a short space for yourself to rest in today, even if for a brief 5-10 minutes of closing your eyes at your desk, resting your eyes in the palms of your hands. Or a short walk at lunchtime out in the sun. Don't try and do it all without rest. Your children, your co-workers and friends, your parents and students will all benefit from a rested, calm, replenished and present, you.

nameste,
musemother

Knowing the Power of the Feminine cycle

2009-08-27T09:07:00.004-04:00

By power, I mean, the kind that comes from taking charge of your life and asserting yourself.

Women have ignored, denied, and bullied their way through the menstrual time for hundreds, if not thousands of years, due to the denigration and fear of female processes. I think it is more than time that we reclaim this power, this unique connection to our inner healing and physical healing.

Getting in touch with the power of the menstrual cycle mainly comes from what you don't do, according to Alexandra Pope, author of The Wild Genie. Now that you are in the menopausal journey, your periods may be very erratic, longer or shorter, come early or late. There is a change in the rhythm of your body. It's harder to predict when it's coming. It's time to listen in carefully.

In our home and work lives, we are accustomed to struggling, setting goals, being heroines or supermoms, but in this case, we must face into what we experience and embody it, not try and rise above it.

"If you are willing to court the rhythmical life of your body you are given access to something Other that happens naturally. And the very act of courting the inner life of your body itself builds an inner sweetness, surety and dignity - a spirit of sovereign authority that is priceless." From The Woman's Quest, Alexandra Pope.

Sounds good, you say, how do I do that? It's mostly about slowing down, practicing surrender, and paying attention to your cycle. A good way to start is by keeping track of your cycle in a journal or even on your calendar.

It feels empowering to know where you are in your cycle, and if you look up at the moon, you will discover how close you are to a pattern of fullness, waning and waxing in the universe. You will begin to recognize the shifts of mood and feeling, see the patterns in your dream life, and also, by charting your cycle says Pope, you build self-acceptance and an intimacy with yourself over time.

"A deep process of awareness, the first task is to get to know your cycle," says Pope. This is also useful for contraception purposes - you need to know when you ovulate and when you menstruate; believe it or not, the first calendars were invented by women for this very purpose. Especially if you are not ovulating every 28 days anymore, (after age 40 your cycle starts to change).

How to deal with the aches and pains that do arise? For me, the best place on the first day of my period was in bed with a hot water bottle getting some extra sleep. And feeling my way through the pain meant I exited on the other side, feeling less achy, less fearful and tense.

Our need for rest at this time is higher, and it is not a sign of weakness to take care of yourself, it is a sign of wisdom.

"Allow yourself a dose of the thirteen allies - silence, solitude, stillness, surrender, simplicity, slowness, softness, self-interest, serenity, sanctuary, sacred, support and sleep however small, as you come into and during menstruation."

If you want to learn more, check out http://www.wildgenie.com/ for more information on this workbook.

take good care,
musemother

Menopause Quotes

2009-08-19T14:54:00.003-04:00

“Orangutans do not go into menopause. Chimpanzees do not need extract of mare pee. …Only in human females does the fertility program shut down years before death.”
(Woman, An Intimate Geography, Natalie Angiers)

“In peri-menopause our brains are being rewired to live with more inner wisdom, to adapt to a more direct current (intuition); and we may experience insomnia, forgetfulness and depression. It takes a great deal of courage and faith to go through this change, and some women go through painful breakdowns before they are ready to relinquish the struggle for control.” The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup

“All the emotional and psychological change of the peri-menopausal years are to the entire life cycle as the week before one’s period is to the monthly cycle. All the issues that have been occurring pre-menstrually and which perhaps had been avoided till now- should I quit my job? Should I stay in this relationship – now come up and hit us between the eyes rather relentlessly, demanding that they be dealt with at this time.” (Northrup, Wisdom of Menopause).

"Do not become alarmed when you experience yourself in totally new ways," sighs Grandmother Growth tenderly. "You are changing, getting ready to be initiated into the third stage of your life. Are you ready for the ride of your life?"Susun Weed, Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way

“In this culture we are told to set goals. We are supposed to know where we are going and then take specific steps to get there. But this is not always possible, or even wise. It is the male model of linear, rational thinking. But the life process of women…is more chaotic and disorderly, more circular and intuitive. Sometimes we can’t see the next horizon until we step out of the old life. We don’t yet know where we are going. We may not know the place until we arrive.” A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko

Fine Art of Doing Nothing

2009-08-13T14:27:00.004-04:00

received this today from Spent, a newsletter promoting a book by the same name about the most common disease in the 21st century, burn-out.

"It turns out that our brains need to have time out…or, as a recent brain study reveals…time in.

According to a study done in May of 2009 led by Stanford and Cambridge (UK) educated Kalina Christoff who heads up the Cognitive Neuroscience of Thought Laboratory at the University of British Columbia in Canada, letting your mind wander allows the areas of the brain associated with problem-solving become more active.

Until her recently, scientists believed that the brain would be busiest and most engaged when occupied with specific tasks – reading, writing, in conversation, focused thinking and doing. But Christoff and her team found that "Our brains are very active when we daydream – much more active than when we focus on routine tasks."

She goes on to say, "When you daydream, you may not be achieving your immediate goal – say reading a book or paying attention in class – but your mind may be taking that time to address more important questions in your life, such as advancing your career or personal relationships."

Or you may be doing some creative loafing, turning off the focus on productivity and letting the mind wander in to imaginations territory.

Summer days, heat finally wafting in, turns us into creative loafers. So hit the deck, or the hammock, or the lawn chair, with a cold lemonade, and turn on your brain.

cultivate the fine art of doing nothing....

musemother

2009-08-03T12:58:00.003-04:00

I get a newsletter from womentowomen.com in my inbox regularly and today's issue concerns me personally as well as my sister, because of the thyroid and gluten:

Here is an excerpt from it, and you can read the whole article on their website at
http://www.womentowomen.com/hypothyroidism/foods-naturalthyroidhealth.aspx

The connection between thyroid health, soy and gluten:

Some studies have shown that the isoflavones in soybeans can decrease thyroid hormone output by blocking the enzyme responsible for adding iodine to thyroid hormone. This means if you have low iodine in the body, the soy isoflavone may be taking what iodine you do have, leaving an inadequate amount for thyroid hormone production. The good news is, if you have sufficient iodine in your body, eating soy will most likely not be a problem. And I’ve seen soy help so many women with menopausal symptoms that it would be a shame not to consider it as an option.

Soy isn’t the only goitrogenic (meaning food or chemical that can interrupt thyroid function) food out there. The isothiocyanates found in the Brassica family of vegetables — broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, and so on — can reduce thyroid hormone in the same way.

Goitrogenic compounds have also been found in very small amounts in numerous other foods — from peaches and peanuts to strawberries and spinach! But, again, if you get enough iodine in your diet, as well as other micronutrients essential to thyroid function, I would not recommend cutting these healthy foods out. Simply pair these foods with the iodine-rich and micronutrient-rich foods listed in the chart above, or consider steaming them to counter the negative effects.

On the other hand, gluten is one food that I would recommend avoiding if you have a thyroid condition. There is a strong connection between celiac disease, gluten intolerance, and autoimmune thyroid issues, and many of my patients find that when they remove gluten-containing foods, they feel much better and notice less of an impact on their thyroid. For more information on any of the above, see my article on goitrogens and thyroid health.

Also, some important news about Rest: Your thyroid deserves a break — sit and enjoy!

This is perhaps one of the most overlooked pieces of advice in our modern lives: sit and enjoy your food! As women in today’s world, we are expected to do and be so many things that eating while standing at your kitchen counter, while driving, or while seated at your computer seems like the norm. But as you may have read in my article on hypothyroidism in menopause, the thyroid is very sensitive to stress. Give your mind, your body, and your thyroid a break by sitting in a comfortable space while you eat. Enjoy your meals in peace with friends and family, and talk, laugh, and let the nutrition you consume feed your thyroid, too. You deserve this break, and your body will thank you for it!

hope you find this useful,
musemother

Poem for Young Women

2009-07-30T14:04:00.003-04:00

what shall we do with these four young women
gorging on their own gorgeousness at seventeen
virgin goddesses, or not --
they wield their power
over middle-age
matrons, working mothers, menopausal dames
we are in awe of their peach
soft skin, golden lustre
we may think to outsmart them
with our age and experience
but their shark-bite words can wound

yet we are beautiful in ways
unknown to young straight rivers
sinous and curved, our silted beds
and wizened beauty
have made us wise
in ways they may only dream of being
we hold our power in our eyes
perhaps less glossy on the surface
but wicked with metaphor
we join hands
and watch them walking
longlegged, gorgeous horse women,
Amazonian
and full of promise

Hot Flash Clash of Hormones

2009-07-13T09:08:00.003-04:00

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/menopausal-mom-pubescent-teen-hormone-hell/article1215931/

Check out the above link to an article in the Globe & Mail today called Hot Flash Clash - about the prevalence of menopausal women with hormonal teenagers, due to women putting off child-birth until their thirties, and the issues that arise.

As a 54 year-old with a 17 year old daughter and almost 19 year old son, I can say, been there done that, and it wasn't pretty. But we're doing ok now.

I didn't put off having kids on purpose - I did get married later than some, at 29, then went back to university. We were actively trying to get pregnant (at least the conscious part of me was, who knows about the ambivalence underneath and how that affected things). It took seven years and two miscarriages, but we finally did have two full-term pregnancies, two wonderful children 20 months apart. I was 36 for the first one, 38 for the second. I had no idea that meant I'd be a menopausal crone while my daughter was entering her maiden voyage.

Hormones are a tricky thing. I think my hormonal odyssey and emotional turbulence began right after the let-down after pregnancy - all those -feel-good hormones that had floated me through nine-months of blimpdom, crashed. Or was it the sleepless nights and constant anxiety? anyway somewhere after baby #2 in the midst of my master's degree, I found myself slamming cupboard doors and getting irrationally upset with my 2 year old. He had the terrible twos and I had the terrible almost 40's.

Needless to say, PMS was a monthly crisis, and increasingly into my 40's it became hard to handle the ups and downs. I was sane, I was not certifiable, but I had trouble managing my hormonal rollercoaster at ovulation and before my period - only now the 'before' period began two weeks before, right after ovulation.

I never went to the doctor for any of this, never was on the pill to regulate my hormones nor did I get them tested. But I did see a family counsellor for tips on managing my household and my angry outbursts.

Needless to say, menopause and puberty hitting at the same time was a major challenge. There were some herbal allies that helped me sleep and cope - Promensil, basically red clover in high doses, was a help. Evening Primrose oil and calcium also, but I did not discover the herb I love most now, Motherwort, until after menopause. It is a nerve and heart tonic that appears to take the edge off my angst, and goodness knows with two teenagers there is still angst, even after the hormones have calmed down.

My daughter was moodier than my son, and being a daughter clashed more heartily with her mother. We have our best talks when we are in the car, not looking at each other. My son has surfed the wave of his hormones as a burly caveman type, grunting rather than conversing, but now has come out of the cave to show his human side.

During menopause (or the peri-menopause period from age 45-51 in my case), I didn't sleep well, overreacted emotionally, was alternately in their face and distant, and needed to be alone alot. My daughter slept alot, used Advil for cramps, and saw an osteopath for lower back pain and cramps. She started menstruating at 14, and is just getting regular in the past year I would say. So both of us are sailing better through choppy waters.

While there is no perfect age to have children, I'd have to say that the older a woman gets, and the closer she gets to her menopausal journey, the more introspection and alone time she may need. This may clash with her family's needs - she might feel they ask too much of her, or realize that she is giving more than she can afford to for her energy level.

It is always a time of reflection on where you are in your life, what you feel you have accomplished and where you want to change. It is not called The Change for nothing. But there is no reason for it be disruptive to others, if you are forewarned. So take good care of yourself, be conscious of what is simmering under the surface. Whatever is buried and left unconscious will make itself known, so be sure you are not taken by surprise by these turbulent winds.

In other words, Deal with It. Sweeping it under the carpet will not help your teenagers who are also Dealing with It.

musemother

The Art of Napping

2009-06-29T16:38:00.002-04:00

here's a novel thought, "If you have too much to do, take a ten minute nap" (The art of Doing Nothing, by Veronique Vienne).

"What looks from the ouside like inertia is, in fact, an active internal state teeming with rapidly firing neurons."

Vienne compares our napping brain to a humming power station that is firing up more producitivty, alertness and discernment. It's true that lack of sleep can make us unable to concentrate.

So take a nap and avoid disaster. Let the goddess of sleep Morphia (ok so it's the son of the god of sleep, but let's feminize her because we need her help) carry you off to enhanced brain networking land while you doze.

Seriously though, naps got me through menopause. A daily 20 minute nap (more if you can swing it, right at cocktail hour) will get you through supper and to that early evening meeting, and help your neurons keep firing.

sleep tight,
jenn/musemother

Are You Too Sensitive?

2009-06-14T11:00:00.003-04:00

Menopause is a huge teacher for me. Whatever ideas I have about myself are changing. It's no longer good enough to sweep my feelings and emotions under the carpet. Even if I wanted to, they tend to explode out of me.

Why are some of us more sensitive? Susun Weed says that at menopause all our senses are heightened, our ears, eyes, nose and mouth. And especially our emtoional body - "I feel untruths as physical discomfort," she writes.

While I was pregnant, and for months after childbirth, I remember feeling akin to a mother wolf or bear - I could hear my baby cough from 2 floors below, I could sense in my body when it was time to nurse, even before the milk reflex came in. My nerves were also more edgey, and the slightest thing made me cry.

Normally we consider this a liability, not an asset. But what if this is a survival instinct, bred in us to keep us alive? "Let us honor the heightened sensitivites of the Crones. our communities depend on the Crones' irritability for their survival. In their sensitivity, the Crones are irritated first by that which has the ability to poison all of us, whether it is a food, a feeling, or a rule."
Susun Weed, Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way.

There are herbal remedies and flower remedies for soothing an overly sensitive system so you can sleep, work and eat without too much problem (oatstraw and walnut). Maybe all you need is some time alone to sort through your sensitivities. Maybe the emotional turmoil needs more breath work, more grounding in the body through yoga, or prana exercises. Ayurvedic medecine suggests that the liver needs care when we feel overly irritable (milk thistle, dandelion). Calcium soothes the nerves. Gardening, walking in nature, and lowering your caffeine intake may also be beneficial.

Learning to turn down the noise outside you, the tv, stereo, car radio and listening to the birds instead is a wonderful way to quiet the world.

Be gentle, less demanding of yourself. Understand your rhythms and moods and listen in - give yourself solitude, serenity and surrender to your inner needs. Accept the gift of sensitivity and nurture your creative side. Allow yourself whatever it is you need right now to feel taken care of, soothed, rocked and cossetted like a baby.

take care
musemother

Create your own Menopause Party

2009-06-10T17:37:00.004-04:00

A good friend of mine is turning 50 next week - a real milestone - and we are celebrating together. Some of us are wondering what an appropriate gift would be. A massage, a spa day, a new yoga mat, something to comfort and nurture her, for all the comforting and nurturing she has given over the years.

She is in peri-menopause, and I think I will suggest when she hits that milestone that we hold a Ms Menopause Party. Instead of fearing and cringing at our body's aging and changing, let's celebrate it properly, with a sense of humour!

While googling menopause jokes and parties, I found several good ideas which I've gathered and compiled here, so you can create your own :

Provide battery powered fans (dollar store)
Decorate with red and pink, candles, decor
Ask everyone to dress in their favourite Hot Red outfit
Find appropriate music, like the song "Hot hot hot"
and the Red Hot Chile Peppers
Have everyone bring their favourite menopause joke and read them
(there are plenty on the internet)
Serve hot spicy wings, red hot candies, red watermelon, chili with red kidney beans,
or go the other way entirely and serve only Way Too Cool drinks and food
Have lots of ice on hand
Cosmos are red!

Here's one of the jokes I like:

Question: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: One! ONLY ONE! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!

I'm sorry. What was the question?

Whew! my anxiety went up reading that one.....

seriously though, throw yourself or a girlfriend a party, crown her with a Paper Crone Crown, and let her know she can call you up in the middle of a hot flash....or leave home temporarily when she feels like she's going insane.

Just know that it does get better, and sharing it with your friends makes it easier.

4 years past the hot flashes, and counting,
musemother

Menopause Poem

2009-06-08T11:44:00.001-04:00

A Poem for Jane turning Fifty

Crow’s feet lay tracks, marking

us Crone (although we hate the word)

but we still know the way to
the source,
where
the fountain wells:

drink deep.

Grow young,
in heart.

Wise in Crow Mother’s ways.

Follow-up on thyroid

2009-06-05T14:48:00.003-04:00

No, my thyroid is fine. That pressure you feel at your throat is anxiety, dear, says the good doctor.

Hmmm....

What I do know is that I can relax my jaw and open my throat without fear.

Singing while relaxed is so much more fun anyway.

Let whatever energies are blocked flow.

These words from "I am a woman finding her own voice" resonated with me today....

"Trying to protect myself from these dangers {of looking foolish, being rejected, of loving, losing love, of being vulnerable} by being overly careful or withdrawn limits me and my spontaneity; it makes me fearful and tight insead of relaxed and open. Life becomes much less fun and much more exhausting...My true safety lies not in keeping myself out of danger by avoiding THE RISKS OF FULLY ENGAGING IN LIFE, but by remembering that no matter what life brings me, I am strong enough, smart enough, loving enough, vital enough, intersted and curious enough to handle, learn and grow from it."

Breasts,Hormones and Menopause

2009-06-02T09:07:00.003-04:00

Did you know that your breasts have a monthly cycle too? Not only do our uteruses slough off old cells every month, but the ducts and glands in our breasts are also going through a monthly flux, according to this article written by the doctors at
http://www.womentowomen.com/breasthealth/fibrocysticbreasts-hormones.aspx.

I find it fascinating that we know so little about our own bodies, and am grateful to the dedicated scientists who are doing research to discover how we can maintain optimal health for all our parts.

I have been going to get yearly mamograms since the age of 45, because of a maternal aunt who had breast cancer. It's a special clinic in Montreal with high quality thermograph machines as well as the 'breast squishing' radiation.

While I want to care about my health, and have yearly check-ups with a GP, this past year I cancelled the mammogram. Every two years will give me less radiation exposure, and I will continue with the monthly self-exam.

Plus, in the above linked article, I discovered some self-care tips that I can do at home to take care of 'the girls'.

First of all, get to know them, their lumps and bumps, and if you have fibrocystic breasts, know that you can even give them a nice massage to help with the cleansing and circulation of lymph in the body.

At menopause the hormones are stabilizing, and so you may have fewer symptoms of bloating and swelling with pain.

But if you have breast pain, evening primorose oil has been shown to be helpful.
A diet lower in animal fat and processed meats, with no trans fats, and organic dairy, eggs and meat will promote good breast health.

Things to avoid: salt, alcohol, caffeine, chocolate, (tea also). White sugar and flour, natch.
Things to increase: veggies, fruit, fiber from whole grains, beans and seeds.
Natural diuretics: cucumbers, celery and parsley.
Multi-vitamins, and daily exercise to keep the lymph circulating in the body.

Most of this is well-known and common sense.

One thing the article brings up is the role of iodine in our diets - and since our thyroids are acting up sometimes at menopause, it may be a good idea to get your iodine levels tested as well. (read the article for a full explanation).

Most of all, love your breasts and treat them tenderly, not with fear, as you check them each month. Soon there may be a blood test for breast cancer, so we won't need this ritual, which is sometimes a bit fear inducing.

take good care,
musemother

Singing my truth and thyroid

2009-05-28T16:56:00.005-04:00

“Relax your jaw”, commands Grandmother Growth as her strong fingers carefully encircle and sensitively touch your throat. Do you know there’s a butterfly in here?

A butterfly that can literally change how you perceive the world. As you change, it changes, too. During menopause its pulsation is slower. Its ability to give voice to the truth increases, becomes insistent.

Be still, dearest granddaughter. Turn off the radio, the TV the stereo, the phone. Her voice is firm and strong. Then listen carefully to the murmurs and screams of your own truth. Accept your psyche’s need to turn in, to grieve, to rage. You will emerge stronger and wiser. (from Menopause the Wise Woman Way, Susun Weed).

see the butterfly shaped thyroid at the throat chakra
may she spread her wings!

My singing teacher has been asking me to relax my determination and loosen the jaw so I can sing.
My reike practitioner has been noticing blocked throat energy and creative energy, and asks if I sing for love or for duty to the choir. She recommends singing to the lake, or in the woods.

And now with this internet picture, I can see my little butterfly is singing from within, her wings wide open in my throat. I want to give her voice.

My doctor took blood tests last week, and one of them was thyroid. She wants to see me again next week, and made an appointment for me so it must be urgent. If it’s my thyroid talking, I will listen. I am listening to the butterfly’s wings.

Peri-menopausal wisdom and self-care

2009-05-25T09:54:00.003-04:00

“In peri-menopause our brains are being rewired to live with more inner wisdom, to adapt to a more direct current (intuition); and we may experience insomnia, forgetfulness and depression. It takes a great deal of courage and faith to go through this change, and some women go through painful breakdowns before they are ready to relinquish the struggle for control.”
The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup

Before we hit menopause, there is a long period of transition called peri-menopause. For some women it's like a second adolescence, an emotional and hormonal roller-coaster. For others it's a non-event.

For myself it was the mother of all wake-up calls as Dr. Northrup calls it. The first symptom, that I wouldn't have imagined was connected was a huge increase in the length and severity of my PMS. Some authors have likened this premenstrual period to a lightning rod for unfinished business. It is a warning to be heeded: if self-care is minimal, PMS increases.

Personally, I found it increased to almost two weeks out of the month! The year I noticed it, my father had recently died, I was 49, and my kids were hitting their obnoxious, sullen teen years. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to see a family counselor and get some help managing my emotions, which were very explosive. Teens or not, I did not want my children to suffer the brunt of the unpredictable outbursts. After a few months of weekly talk therapy, I could feel the difference. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders (I was struggling with bursitis and sore neck at the time) as years of self-protective armour were being peeled off me. And I also noticed my PMS diminishing, except for some irritability on the day of ovulation and mild crankiness a day or two before my period, like before.

“All the emotional and psychological change of the peri-menopausal years are to the entire life cycle as the week before one’s period is to the monthly cycle. All the issues that have been occurring pre-menstrually and which perhaps had been avoided till now- should I quit my job? Should I stay in this relationship – now come up and hit us between the eyes rather relentlessly, demanding that they be dealt with at this time.” (Wisdom of Menopause).

So consider this time of peri-menopause as a Big Bright Flashing Light on the highway saying, Slow Down. Self-Care Needed Ahead. Major construction going on, re-wiring of brain and emotional sensitivity underway. Proceed with Caution.

Do not drive carelessly or quickly through this 'rough patch'. Heed the signals, give yourself the time off, the down time or the journalling time you need to get in touch with your own needs. Women who mother others (whether they are your children, your parents, or co-workers) are especially in need of self-care, because they normally have spent a life-time forgetting about themselves, and putting others' needs first.

Don't hit the brakes too fast - don't skid on the road. Just incorporate some self-care tips from a previous article on www.questinggirl.blogspot.com Seven Tips- Tools for Gaining Essential Wisdom, and if you care to, browse this blog for the many tips and articles on all aspects of menopause.

Coming shortly, more excerpts from A Woman's Way, A Guidebook for Peri-menopause.

nameste
jenn/musemother

Menopause and Mothering

2009-05-04T10:27:00.003-04:00

Dear menopausal babes and mothers,

Hope you all are taking good care of yourselves.

There is no better remedy (ready-me as my friend Susan says) than self-care, self-love.

You may be going through an up and down time, an inside-out time, a feeling upside down time.

The way you care for yourself is indicative of the way you care for others, and vice-versa.

Can you stop for a moment, and remember the last time you gave yourself an encouraging word, a big hug, a moment of stillness and reflection, a minute to listen in? I read recently that stopping for 5 minutes to look out the window was a great stress reliever. Getting outside at lunch time instead of eating hunched over your desk is also a great thing to do, especially in Spring. Talking to a friend reduces high blood pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

You are the only vehicle you have to get to the other shore, wherever that is. Drive it with care. Don't keep your foot on the brake pedal, don't rev up the engine and pop wheelies all the time either. Take it slow and easy, whenever possible, especially during this Make-over Transitional time in your life.

Listen to your body's wisdom, listen to your gut feeling. It never lies. It expects less of you than you imagine. It just wants time to play, as well as time to work. It wants time to have fun, time to undo the 'should's, time to work out the knots in your shoulders. Time to breathe, time to stretch, time to take in the beauty of this moment.

Take the time, ladies, cause it doesn't come around again. This time is your time.

Your children and families will appreciate a calmer, happier you, so please take care.

Enjoy the Mother's Day message - you do make a difference to someone. You are special, and you are worth taking care of :)

hugs and wishes for loving kindness,
jenn/musemother

Befriend you body, find your core balance

2009-04-21T09:34:00.005-04:00

Today I heard something new from my cleaning lady Georgia about weight gain and menopause. She said her doctor told her that with the increase in male hormones, women start gaining weight on the upper part of their body, from the waist up.

I have experienced the opposite, everything flowing downwards. Maybe this is explained by genetics and body shape - apple being round on top, with thin legs, and pear shape tending to be heavier around the bottom and thighs.

Whatever shape you have, your weight may change during menopause. I am actually losing weight, partly due to going gluten-free. Thyroid problems can also cause weight gain or loss, so I am definitely going to have this checked at my annual check-up in May.

Whatever you do, first thing is to accept your body and love it - before you can make any changes, you need to stop being critical of yourself. It's an odd fact that when you begin to accept and love yourself, then changes can come, resistance is lowered.

My favourite website for factual information on medical issues for menopause is http://www.womentowomen.com/. They recently sent me an interesting article about weight gain.

"whether a woman is overweight or underweight, the first thing she can do for herself is befriend her body. Women are often too critical of the weight level that their bodies find most comfortable. Whether you look in the mirror and see yourself as “too much” or “too little,” obsessing about the extra curves (or the lack of them) is a major obstacle to finding your healthy weight."

"We can hold extra weight — or be unable to gain weight — during periods of hormonal imbalance, adrenal fatigue, digestive disorders, neurotransmitter imbalances, toxicity, and inflammation, just to name a few. Weight gain or loss can also be related to imbalance in our life choices. Exercising too much or too little, over — or under — emphasizing specific food groups so that we don’t have a balanced diet — even imbalances in our relationships or emotional lives can affect our weight!

Whether your goal is to lose weight or gain it, a key starting point is to recognize where your life and health are out of balance."

So ladies, find your balance and your weight problems may be over.
It is not as simple as just going on a diet - find out where in your life you need a make-over -

what do you need less of? what do you need more of?

are you stressed and over anxious? are you giving yourself any time alone, just to be still?

are you living at a pace that's too fast? or too slow?

take a few moments and write in your journal every day/week, about how you feel, where you are going, how you are doing, and maybe throw in some self-love, compassion and kindness instead of harsh self-criticism.

See if a little self-love and befriending will help you find balance,

nameste
musemother

Why you should eat organic animal products

2009-04-09T09:39:00.002-04:00

Estrogen has many wonderful qualities.
It creates our fertility, protects our health in myriad ways, and serves as a powerful anti-inflammatory. But we are very concerned about environmental estrogens. They’re another story entirely.

Awash in a sea of xenoestrogens

For the most part, our bodies are amazingly resilient. We are hard-wired to resist threats to our equilibrium. What our bodies are not designed for is exposure to the many endocrine disruptors in our environment, among them the family of chemicals known as xenoestrogens.Many of these xenoestrogens are proven carcinogens. They are also well known for their ability to damage the immune system and interrupt hormonal balance.

Our cells can’t always distinguish fully between our own estrogen and xenoestrogens. Every cell has estrogen receptors that recognize and open to the shape of an estrogen molecular chain, regardless of where it comes from.

Pesticides are perhaps the biggest source of xenoestrogens. Most bioaccumulate, meaning they are stored in fat cells of fish, poultry and other food sources in increasing concentration until they reach the top of the food chain — where you and I consume them! They are highly estrogenic, and some experts estimate that the average American ingests over a pound of pesticides a year.

A second major source of xenoestrogens is the many growth hormones given to livestock and poultry, most of which contain fat-soluble estrogens. When we consume those animals or their milk, we ingest that estrogen.

Organochlorides like dioxin (a by-product of chlorine when it is burned or processed), PCB’s, PVC’s, and some plasticizers are just a few of the many manmade chemicals that act like estrogen in our bodies. Many others have the effect of interrupting our normal endocrine function, hence the term “endocrine disruptors.”

Mainstream medicine is finally paying attention because xenoestrogens not only affect the cells of women, but those of men and children. Sperm counts have dropped by 50% in some studies, a significant factor in the epidemic of infertility. The age at which girls develop secondary sex characteristics (breasts and pubic hair) is also dropping.

It is not exactly clear what role endocrine disruptors as a whole have in the steady rise of chronic diseases in children (at earlier ages!), but studies are underway to evaluate this.

taken from www.womentowomen.com article on Estrogen Dominance

Dear readers of this blog,
I have been buying organic meat, (poultry, lamb, beef, pork), eggs and dairy products for almost ten years now, and although I also eat frozen prepared meals and at restaurants occasionally, I feel the best way to protect myself and the environment is to eat organic animal products. Being vegetarian is no longer an option for my health (did it for 8-9 years) because of my low blood sugar. A chinese acupunturist was the one to tell me my dizzy spells after eating brown rice and tofu were a sign I needed more animal protein.

Find out what is best for your body, and don't fall into 'trends'. Ayurvedic medicine has also helped me discover which foods are right for my body type (dosha), which includes mental and emotional states. Eating too much rice is not good for me either! There is no one 'cleanse' that will be healthy for everyone. I tried a grapefruit cleanse that my osteopath recommended, only to find out it was for 'kapha' dosha, not 'pitta' dosha types. Understandably, it did not agree with me.

Be your own best health advocate, do the research, find the health professionals that will give you the right advice, and do not depend on the medical establishment alone for information on menopause.

nameste,
jennifer

Is this Menopause?

2009-04-07T08:52:00.003-04:00

I don't know how many times I've heard that question - usually followed by a list of symptoms, physical or emotional, that make a woman wonder if, gee, at 42, I could be possibly experiencing menopause, at such a young age.

Often a trip to the doctor only confuses a woman, who has perhaps never missed a period yet, but is still wondering if the sleepless nights, or increased anxiety, or changes in her vaginal health, or lack of desire for sex, all these vague and indirect symptoms, could possibly be part of The Change. A doctor told my 42 year old friend during a pelvic examination that her uterus and vagina were young and healthy and she could still have more kids! (she already has 3, two teens and a seven year old, thank you very much!). You can't be in menopause, the doctor's say, you're too young!

But perimenopause can begin 10 years before you officially end menstruating. Some women begin in their late 30's! And at the very least, you should be aware that changes will be happening in your cycle in your early 40's - ovulation will be less regular, not 14 days after your last menstruation necessarily - my GP told me to be careful with contraception when I turned 40, because I could not count on my fertility period to be right in the middle of the cycle, it might begin the day after menstruating.

The other vague symptom that hits a lot of women in their 40's (way before they are thinking about menopause) is a desire to leave, to get away, to have more time alone to figure out where they are, who they are and what they want to do. You may call this a mid-life crisis, but it's not often a crisis - it's more likely an underlying angst, a questioning, the beginning of a quest for a self separate from all other relationships - mother, daughter, sibling, wife....

The need for a sabbatical from motherhood or marriage is never considered by most of us. We think the well of love and nurturing energy should be endless. It feels selfish to want to get away. To want to be alone. To fantasize a white room with no outside stimulation in which we could just be still, be quiet enough to hear our own voice.

And what would that voice tell us? That still, small voice so hard to hear in this busy, fast-paced world? It might shock us to think about leaving everything - but you may do as I did - and leave temporarily on retreat, then come back. Leave as often as you need to, and return. It doesn't have to be a year-long sabbatical. Maybe you just need an extended leave from being chief cook, bottlewasher and bread-winner (not to mention caring for aging parents, and in-laws).

So, yes, it could be menopause - or the beginnings of a 10-year long prep period - that is calling. It may be a call for self-care. It may be a wake-up call to prevent burn-out. It may be your body saying, whispering, cooing to you (or yelling): time for me, time for me to pay attention within, time for me to slow down and listen.

"When a woman stops doing she must learn how to simply be. Being is not a luxury; it is a discipline. The heroine must listen carefully to her true inner voice. That means silencing the other voices anxious to tell her what to do." The Heroine's Journey

Find that quiet space to do the questing in.

It is not a luxury. It is time.

take care
musemother

Weight Gain and Menopause, a poem

2009-04-02T13:34:00.002-04:00

Rose hips

In yoga class, surrounded by three walls
of mirrors, I cannot avoid my hips,
forty-nine-year-old bulging handles
wide at the wrong spot.

The truth about my hips: I find them
sturdy looking, square, front on,
but sideways they spread like sponges,
abundant woman fat, thick as butter on sliced
bread or baguettes bulging in the oven.

Bone on bone cracks as
I raise my legs, lying flat on the back.
Should soak these creaky hinges
in salt foam waves,
let my rose hips rise
like Aphrodite from the sea.

Perhaps a bath will perform some magic,
transform me into Venus
of Willendorf. Is it too much
goddess, to ask you
to bless my hips?

Menopause Time to Slow Down

2009-03-27T08:22:00.003-04:00

What is it about menopause that strikes fear into the hearts of 40 year old women, most of whom will enter peri-menopause without even noticing it?

According to ancient Indian wisdom about life and health, menopause is simply the third phase of life, after childhood and pro-creative years. Our bodies move out of productive mode for making children, and move into creativity of another sort. Often, in the transition, women are letting go of their primary role of caretakers and turning within to ask themselves questions about where they want to go from here. And how they can give back to the world with their special talents. (or discover what these talents are).

Menopause is a reflective time, a time to slow down and go within for the answers. All our lives, we've been doing what's expected of us, fulfilling our roles as spouses, mothers, workers, and relationship-keepers. Now, we feel a strong urge to reassess, re-examine, reflect on our relationships as well as our jobs and parenting roles.

Instead of fearing old age, and breaking out in cold sweats (or hot flashes) at the very mention of this Change, we can welcome the shift in focus from outer to inner, and help it along. If we've been burning the candle at both ends, short-changing our bodies and our self-care, there will be a wake-up call. If we have been ignoring our emotional needs and relegating our inner life to the back burner, there may be the smell of smoke as burn-out hits, or depression, or accumulated anger and tears.

But the closer we are to self-knowledge, to understanding and accepting what we feel and what we need, the smoother our shift or transition will be.

Now is the time to bring a sense of balance, serenity, and harmony into your life. Stop doing whatever makes you crazy, make the choices that you've been putting off. Accept the call to slow down and enjoy your life. Put yourself on your "to do list", somewhere near the top, not at the bottom.

Remember the oxygen mask on the plane - put in on yourself first, then on your children, spouse, co-workers.

Savour the wisdom of life, taste the pleasure of knowing who you are and what you want. If you're not there yet,, ask the right questions of your self, and wait for the answers - if you feel restless, and can't sleep at night, don't reach for the anti-anxiety medication until you've looked inside for the answers.

And if you need help, by all means, check out the different options available; there are so many books out there now on the pleasures of menopause,& the herbal allies for menopause. Ayurvedic medicine has a very natural approach to this stage of life, and is one way of finding balance through diet and lifestyle, without medication.

Be well,
musemother

ps check out previous entries by clicking on the labels to the left.
Highly recommend The Wisdom of Menopause, the Secret Pleasures of Menopause by CHristiane Northrup; also Susun Weed's New Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way.

New Menopausal Years Wise Woman Way

2009-02-09T11:20:00.004-05:00

Review of The New Menopausal Years, the Wise Woman Way by Susun Weed:

I found this wonderful book near the end of my menopausal years, and although I know very little about herbs, have found it to be very useful. I appreciated the alphabetical formatting and listing of symptoms with their herbal and homeopathic remedies, but even more useful was the women's wisdom in these pages. Weed encourages women going through The Change to practice kindness towards themselves. The emphasis is not on denying or pushing away what you are feeling but on welcoming awareness and understanding. "Remedies here don't seek to eliminate these emotions or turn 'negative' ones into 'positive' ones but, in the Wise woman way to help you incorporate all of your feelings into your wholeness. "

The New Menopausal Years is full of inspiring pages to help women on their Journey of Menopause. Weed employs the persona of Grandmother Growth in italicized sections to give support, encouragement and advice; for example, see this exerpt on Emotional Uproar:

"Dear woman, sighs Grandmother Growth tenderly. "I see that Change has thinned the protective layers hiding your anger, your fears, your grief. yes, I see your hidden feelings and secret desires exposed a little more with each hot flash. You may think your feelings are out of proportion, too sharp, quite irrational, possibly insane. But I assure you, they are only raw from neglect.

"Receive them without judgement, nourish them, and your uncontrollable feelings during the menopausal years will lead you to the deepest heart of your own secrets. If you cannot tolerate those about you, leave. Go to the sheltering space of your cave. Claim your Crone's Year Away."

This was also one of the most comforting aspects of this book for me. Weed encourages women to take time alone, whenever possible, and to advise their friends and family that this is not a rejection of them but a 'claiming of yourself'. I found this to be very true, and once I read this I felt less like a crazy person for wanting to get away and be alone all the time. It is like I needed permission from someone to feel that way. Weed even describes a ritual one can perform to help ease into this phase of your journey. "I must take this journey alone. I ask now for your blessing on me as I begin my Change....I ask you to acknowledge my Crone's Time Away...."

How wonderful it would be if we could allow ourselves this transformation time, this busy interior growth time, without struggling and denying and repressing our needs as they arise because they don't seem to fit the pattern of 'good girl' or 'wife and mother' we have squeezed ourselves into all these years.

I also liked Weed's methodolgy, always gentle and non-invasive. In the chapters relating to symptoms such as hot flashes, vaginal and bladder changes, migraines, heart palpitations, etc. the first step is always to listen in, and collect information from your body. Then, in Step 2, to engage the energy, she may suggest Bach flower remedies or massage, a ritual for claiming your boundaries or for blessing your belly; Step 3 is to find the remedy of choice to nourish and tonify, i.e. tinctures, herbs, homeopathic remedies or even yoga postures; Step 4 is Sedate or Stimulate - listing appropriate exercises, herbs and supplements; Step 5, and 6: if nothing else works, as a last resort, she will list the medical prescriptions or surgery usually recommended; and tell you if they are contra-indications.

I love the way Weed engages the energy in this book, and explodes the myth of the Crazy Crone by embracing the volcanic energy of the Kundalini rising:

"Root chakra energies - anger, sex, power - are hot subjects. And this Change called menopause fires the root chakra. Can you sit still in the midst of this rapidly vibrating energy? Can you dance with its searing touch? Oh granddaughter, what are you itching to do now that you are crowned Crone? What lights your passion? Shine, young Crone. Burn. And keep that energy moving so your inner heat doesn't dry you out."

Read this book, and weep with relief. Yes, you are going through major hormonal rebalancing. It is affecting every single part of your body, mind, heart and soul. And it is OK. Yes, you are in menopause, even if you are in your early forties. Yes, this is menopause but you are not alone, as Weed's kindly grandmotherly wise woman advice is here to calm you and help you feel better.

And remember, your authentic wise-woman self is waiting for you to grow Wise with her.

enjoy the ride, and let me know if you found this review helpful,

musemother

Recognizing a stroke and heart attack in women

2009-01-08T15:34:00.003-05:00

I just read the signs of a stroke on the blog link below, from a woman who exchanges articles on her blog with me. Please check it out, it could save a life.

http://coolnewsforwomen.blogspot.com/

These are very simple things you can do. My father suffered two strokes that appeared innocuous at the time, a brief fainting spell in church, and tripping in the garden and lying there until my mother could come and get him (she was in the house and didn't hear him call). Later they did a brain scan and found out he had had these strokes. He did appear confused at the time, but it wasn't apparent just what was happening.

I think women in mid-age should be very aware of the differences in heart attack symptoms in women also.

Here's what was sent to me by email:

NURSE'S HEART ATTACK EXPERIENCE

I am an ER nurse and this is the best description of this event that I have ever heard. Please read, pay attention, and send it on!

Women and heart attacks (Myocardial infarction).

Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack ...you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor that we see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart attack.

I had a heart attack at about 10:30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might have brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, 'A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up.A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation---the only trouble wasthat I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation wa s like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasms), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR).

This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening -- we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack!I lowered the foot rest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else ... but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment.

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics .... I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to un-bolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St.Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the radiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Hav e you taken any medications?') but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side-by-side stints to hold open my right coronary artery.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stints.'Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand.'

1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body not the usual men's symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn't know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Mallox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake up ... which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm' visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!

2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.' And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor -- he doesn't know where you live and if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your sys tem to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life.

**Please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends (male & female) you care about!**

Estrogen dominance and environment

2008-12-01T10:46:00.003-05:00

the following is an excerpt from an article written by doctors at the Women to Women web site (link below).

"Of all women experiencing symptoms of estrogen dominance, some with low levels of progesterone may do very well with progesterone supplementation, whereas others with normal progesterone levels may be better off focusing on changes that can normalize their estrogen or testosterone levels. How do you know where you fit in? The only way to really tell is to have your hormone levels checked and take action from there.

It is true that estrogen is often too high relative to progesterone. Most of us who have had PMS are familiar with this temporary form of excess estrogen. You can see by the chart above how progesterone levels gradually fall during the course of a regular menstrual cycle. In some women this drop may be more precipitous and cause symptoms of PMS.

During pre-menopause it’s common for estrogen levels to decrease slowly while progesterone levels plummet — a natural result of fewer ovulations, fewer burst follicles and less progesterone. This can cause many of our worst symptoms. (See our articles on menstrual cycles to learn more.)

Calling this state “estrogen dominance” is catchy but misleading. It implies there is one problem, which isn’t true; and not all women experience the condition anyway. And it implies there is one solution, which also isn’t true. Most of the tens of thousands of women we have treated for pre-menopause symptoms have suffered not from simple estrogen dominance but from a more fundamental disruption of the body’s ability to maintain hormonal balance. There are usually multiple causes, including stress, emotional factors, and the estrogen-like chemicals in our environment called xenoestrogens.

The truth is, healthy hormonal balance is complicated. It isn’t just a matter of not enough progesterone.

There’s no simple test for estrogen dominance. But if you have severe symptoms of PMS, pre-menopause or menopause that don’t respond to a program of increased support for your body within a month or two, you may have persistently higher than normal levels of estrogen. Let’s talk about why it’s important to pay attention to these symptoms.

What are the health consequences of estrogen dominance?

Another of Dr. Lee’s contributions was to raise women’s awareness of the profound connections between hormonal imbalance and health.

When estrogen levels are high in relation to our progesterone we experience many severe symptoms, among them anxiety, breast tenderness, cyclical headaches or migraines, irregular bleeding, water retention, weight gain and more. (Note that a number of these symptoms are also indicative of the exact opposite condition — a deficiency of estrogen — another example of why the concept of estrogen dominance is too simplistic.)

If estrogen levels stay unopposed, women may develop infertility, endometriosis, amenorrhea (skipped periods), hypermenorrhea (heavy bleeding), fibroids, uterine cancer, heart disease and stroke, and decreased cognitive ability, among other conditions.

And while we share many of the precepts set forth by Dr. Lee, we are less inclined to think of estrogen, even high levels of estrogen, as universally harmful. We believe every woman is unique, and what may cause harm in one may be fine for another. There have been studies and speculation for example about the connection between high levels of estrogen and breast cancer.

Estrogen has many wonderful qualities. It creates our fertility, protects our health in myriad ways, and serves as a powerful anti-inflammatory. But we are very concerned about environmental estrogens. They’re another story entirely.

Awash in a sea of xenoestrogens
For the most part, our bodies are amazingly resilient. We are hard-wired to resist threats to our equilibrium. What our bodies are not designed for is exposure to the many endocrine disruptors in our environment, among them the family of chemicals known as xenoestrogens.

Many of these xenoestrogens are proven carcinogens. They are also well known for their ability to damage the immune system and interrupt hormonal balance. Our cells can’t always distinguish fully between our own estrogen and xenoestrogens. Every cell has estrogen receptors that recognize and open to the shape of an estrogen molecular chain, regardless of where it comes from.

Pesticides are perhaps the biggest source of xenoestrogens. Most bioaccumulate, meaning they are stored in fat cells of fish, poultry and other food sources in increasing concentration until they reach the top of the food chain — where you and I consume them! They are highly estrogenic, and some experts estimate that the average American ingests over a pound of pesticides a year.

A second major source of xenoestrogens is the many growth hormones given to livestock and poultry, most of which contain fat-soluble estrogens. When we consume those animals or their milk, we ingest that estrogen. Organochlorides like dioxin (a by-product of chlorine when it is burned or processed), PCB’s, PVC’s, and some plasticizers are just a few of the many manmade chemicals that act like estrogen in our bodies. Many others have the effect of interrupting our normal endocrine function, hence the term “endocrine disruptors.”

Mainstream medicine is finally paying attention because xenoestrogens not only affect the cells of women, but those of men and children. Sperm counts have dropped by 50% in some studies, a significant factor in the epidemic of infertility. The age at which girls develop secondary sex characteristics (breasts and pubic hair) is also dropping. It is not exactly clear what role endocrine disruptors as a whole have in the steady rise of chronic diseases in children (at earlier ages!), but studies are underway to evaluate this.

taken from www.womentowomen.com artile on Estrogen Dominance

November by the lake and archives

2008-11-10T09:30:00.004-05:00

I have been too busy with our recent move to write much on this blog, but I notice people are reaching archived articles and finding out what they need to hear.

That's the beauty of the blog - you can go on the titles or labels, and find an article that speaks to where you are, the questions you have right now.

I love hearing back from readers, like the one who posted a comment on an article about intuition and the menstrual cycle, from october 2007:

This is amazing. I was noticing during the past year or so, that my intuition was speaking louder to me and more clear at certain times in the month. It was like things became clearer to me during these times of the month. I did attribute it to my cycle but thought it was just my hormones making me believe things that maybe were not true. I was doubting my intuition. But now I am realizing that it was due to my cycle that I was able to get this clearer picture through my intuition about things that were happening in my life and that I was not just emotional due to my cycle. This is fascinating stuff. Thanks.

So I'm very glad that women find this informatio useful, and once I get my books back on their new shelves, and create a little more order out of the chaos of living in a house that is not quite finished being built, I'll post some new information for you.

keep in touch, and visit http://www.questinggirl.blogspot.com/ for musemother's brand of wisdom.

best
jenn

Ayurveda and Menopause

2008-09-16T19:47:00.003-04:00

here is an article I found on the web that explains a natural approach to menopause.

I have copied the first half here, and you can click on the link below to read the rest. I have recently seen an Ayurvedic consultant and found it makes perfect sense, and doesn't involve hundreds of dollars of supplements. Knowing your own body type and eating correctly can make the difference. Read on....

"For over 5000 years, Ayurveda has acknowledged menopause as a natural transition, not a mistake of Mother Nature's that requires hormone replacement therapy. Maharishi Ayurveda reassures us that menopause can be health-promoting, spiritually-transforming and free of troublesome symptoms.

Experts today are affirming this positive view of menopause, stating that it is not natural to get weak bones, heart disease and rapid aging after menopause. Rather, osteoporosis, heart disease and other chronic health problems develop over a lifetime, resulting largely from poor diet, stress and lack of physical exercise. And hormone replacement therapy (HRT,) once heavily promoted as the medical solution to these problems, is no longer recommended for their treatment or prevention.

What is recommended for the prevention of major health problems after menopause is a healthy lifestyle. And, according to Ayurveda, healthy living is also the best way to ease symptoms of the menopause transition itself. How balanced, or overall healthy you and your lifestyle are when you reach menopause largely determines how smooth your transition will be. If you are "burning the candle at both ends" in your 30's and early 40's, you are more likely to have mood swings, sleep problems and troublesome hot flashes when your hormones start to change. Whereas if you are have healthy lifestyle habits and are managing your stress effectively, you are likely to breeze through menopause without any major problems.

Health problems at menopause represent imbalances in the body that were already growing in the body and are unmasked by the stress of shifting hormones. Menopause symptoms are Nature's wake-up call to let you know you need to start paying more attention to your health.

Age forty-five to fifty-five is a critical decade, according to Ayurveda. It provides the foundation on which your later health is laid. Just like putting money in your IRA, timely investing in your health can dramatically increase your "yield" of healthy years at midlife and beyond. Particularly if you have not been taking care of yourself in your 30's and 40's, making lifestyle changes now is critical to ensuring that you age gracefully without the burden of chronic health problems.

What You Can Do Now to Get "In Balance"

While eating a healthy diet and getting enough exercise provides the foundation of good health for everyone, each woman's menopause experience is unique. Symptoms vary from woman to woman. Knowing precisely how your body is out of balance can guide you in selecting the key lifestyle changes you should make to relieve your symptoms.

Ayurveda describes that the type of symptoms you have depends upon which bodily principle or dosha is "out of balance" in your mind/body system. There are three bodily principles: movement and flow (vata or airy), heat and metabolism (pitta or firey), and bodily substance (kapha or earthy.)

And there are three basic types of imbalances relating to each of the three doshas. Easing your menopause transition can be as simple as "reading" your dosha symptoms and taking measures to get your doshas back in balance. The following symptoms and lifestyle prescriptions are indicated for each of the three dosha imbalances:

Ayurveda describes that your hormonal changes at menopause will be smooth and easy if three factors are in place.

Your mind/body system (consisting of three doshas) is in "balance."
Your diet is wholesome and rich in phytoestrogens.
Your body is "clean" and uncluttered inside so your hormones and body can "talk" effectively.

Did you know that your ovaries and adrenal glands continue to produce estrogens and "pre-estrogens" after menopause, providing your body with its own hormonal backup system? Ayurveda describes that this hormonal production after menopause will be optimal if your mind and body are "in balance," providing just the right amount of estrogen to prevent hot flashes and keep your bones, skin, brain, colon and arteries healthy without increasing the risk of breast or uterine cancer. Balancing your doshas, as discussed above, is the first approach to ensuring optimal hormone production after menopause, but Ayurvedic herbs can also help.

Indian asparagus root (shatavari; asparagus racemosus), thick-leaved lavender (chorak; angelica glauca- related to the Chinese female tonic Dong Quai,) licorice root, sandalwood, pearl, red coral, rose and others are used by skilled practitioners in balanced, synergistic combinations to help relieve hot flashes, libido problems, irritability, mood swings and other menopausal symptoms.

Hormonal Help from Plants--It's Not Just Soy!

Diet also plays a key role in balancing hormones during and after menopause. It is well known that Japanese women rarely experience hot flashes, probably because their diet contains large amounts of soy, a food rich in certain plant estrogens called "isoflavones." Soy products are not the only source of plant estrogens, however. Another equally healthful source of phytoestrogens are "lignans," compounds found in a variety of whole foods including grains and cereals, dried beans and lentils, flaxseed, sunflower seeds and peanuts, vegetables such as asparagus, sweet potatoes, carrots, garlic and broccoli and fruits such as pears, plums and strawberries.

Common herbs and spices such as thyme oregano, nutmeg, turmeric and licorice also have estrogenic properties. It turns out that if you simply eat a varied diet high in fruits, vegetables, whole grains and dried beans you will be ingesting a rich phytoestrogen feast in your daily cuisine! Variety and moderation are important because just as too much estrogen is unhealthy after menopause, too much phytoestrogen may also be dangerous. This danger can be avoided by getting your phytoestrogens naturally from a variety of whole foods, rather than from supplements or concentrated tablets.

More serious symptoms, such as frequent hot flashes, continual sleep disturbance, and moderate to severe mood swings, are signs of deeper imbalances that, if left untreated, will persist to set the stage for later disease. For these more troublesome symptoms to manifest, the tissues of your bodyñyour bones, muscles, fat, organs, skin, and bloodñmust be disturbed in some way. Ayurveda describes that stubborn symptoms are usually due to the buildup of wastes and toxins, referred to as "ama," in your body's tissues.

For example, hot flashes that won't go away despite herbs, diet, exercise, and perhaps even HRT usually represent a problem with ama. One of my Ayurvedic mentors explained it this way: When your body's channels are clogged with wastes, the heat from metabolism builds up in your tissues. Hot flashes result from sudden surges in blood flow as the body tries to clear the channels and dissipate the heat buildup quickly.

A similar phenomenon occurs when you have a heater set on high in an overheated room with all the windows and doors closed. To cool down the room, first you must turn down the heater (see Tips for P-Type above) but you also need to throw open the windows and doors (as in removing the ama) so the heat can flow out.

read more here: http://www.mapi.com/en/self_care/menopause.html

and at my favourite source of medical information on menopause:

http://www.womentowomen.com/menopause/ayurvedictreatmentformenopause.aspx

here's wishing you good health,
musemother

Wise women — repositors of information and wisdom

2008-09-10T14:28:00.001-04:00

Have you considered the positive aspects of menopause? There is a strong cultural bias in the West towards 'ageism' or fear of aging. But in other cultures, as women hit menopause they are revered and looked up to:

Across indigenous cultures, from the Maori in New Zealand to the Iroquois Indians, post-menopausal women are community leaders with considerable power and status. To these people, menopause itself is the transition between being a member of the community at large to becoming a spiritual elder.

A common belief among traditional shamanic cultures — for example, Mayan women and the Cree women of Canada — is that women must enter menopause to access their shamanic and healing powers. Menstrual blood has the power to create life in the womb, so when women reach the age of retaining their “wise blood,” they cross the threshold into “wise womanhood” by keeping their wise blood within. At this point they become priestesses and healers — the spiritual leaders of their communities.

Wise women have earned this leadership role because women have greater “reproductive” success if, in middle age, we cease production of new children and focus on investing in our children’s children. This in turn impacts the population and success of the entire community.

information found on www.womentowomen.com web site

The Pill Are you Sure it's for You?

2008-08-18T08:14:00.004-04:00

My friend Alexandra Pope has come out with a new book on the Pill and its affect on women's health, the menstrual cycle.

Here's the blurb and a description of the book. It's available in Australia for now, North American publication up-coming. You can find it on-line also.

The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
(Allen and Unwin)
now on sale in Australia and also available from
http://www.allenandunwin.com/default.aspx?page=94&book=9781741750799

Written in a gentle, engaging style and full of real women's stories, our aim is to give women true informed choice about chemical contraception including the Pill, implants, injections, patches, vaginal rings and IUDs.

In The Pill we explore:
1. side effects such as depression and mood disorders, loss of libido, headaches and migraine, weight gain, increased risk of breast cancer and brittle bones
2. alternatives to chemical contraception that don't harm your health or fertility
3. natural ways to heal menstrual problems rather than masking these with the Pill
4. the fallout of the Pill in relationships (and the health of future children) and conversely how the menstrual cycle can be an ally to deepen your connection and sexual intimacy
5. the radical idea that having a menstrual cycle is really cool and can even be empowering, and, once experienced in this way is something you wouldn?t dream of eliminating with synthetic hormones.

7 great reasons to buy The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
1. You're a fertile woman needing reliable contraception that doesn?t compromise your health and sexuality.
2. You're a man who wants to share in the responsibility of contraception.
3. You're suffering from menstrual and /or skin problems and want to know how to heal them naturally
4. You're a parent of a teenage daughter wanting to support her in her contraceptive needs as she moves toward a sexual relationship and want to fully understand the health implications (many side-effects are of particular concern for teenagers)
5. You're a health practitioner and want comprehensive information on contraception and to learn more about womens? health.
6. You're a counsellor/psychotherapist/psychologist and need to understand the impact of the Pill on womens' psychological wellbeing
7. You want to learn about period power, how to leverage it for success and how the female body is designed for ecstasy.

Some articles and related newstories:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24176816-401,00.html
If your love seems doomed, blame the Pill

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24193724-421,00.html?from=public_rss
Acne-plagued girl Tanya Hayes 'killed by the Pill'

musemother

Rhythm of Life

2008-08-01T15:47:00.004-04:00

Rhythm, cycle, flow, moon phases: we women cannot escape the fact that our lives are run by energies and cycles flowing through us of which we are mostly unaware.

It's taken me almost forty years to understand my cycle, and now I don't have one. Or do I?

I think that even menopausal women are affected by their monthly energies, and even daily energy changing, shifting. Nothing stays up, or down, for long.

A recent article about the connection between bright city lights and breast cancer pointed to a little known fact: that our pineal glands, deep in the middle of our brains (and called the Third Eye by some eastern cultures) secrete melatonin:

"Both human and animal circadian rhythms are driven by the day/night cycle and are synchronized with natural geomagnetic electromagnetic fields. The major control gland over this natural cycle is the pineal gland which secretes the neurohormone melatonin. During the day, light falling on the eye's retina produces signals which are biochemically amplified to stimulate the pineal gland to reduce its melatonin output. At night the absence of light with sleep stimulates the pineal gland to produce melatonin."

Apparently even a light as dim as a nightlight in your bathroom can shut down melatonin production, and some researchers are looking for a connection between this lack and the rise in breast cancers in urban areas.

Just one little cycle that is disturbed by our modern lifestyle. Think of all the other ways we are not in touch with our women's bodies and their monthly flow. Look at the moon tonight, for instance, and see where it is (we just had a full moon on the weekend, so after the waning of the moon is done, we'll have a new moon again).

Our cycles wax and wane just like the moon. If we are quiet and give ourselves time to reflect on our emotional and physical state just before our periods, we may notice that there is a pull to withdraw, to have more alone time. If we give ourselves what our inner self needs, who knows, maybe the symptoms of PMS would ease up a bit....

just one more way we can attune ourselves to the natural rhythms, cycles, phases, flow....

jenn

Sex and menopause

2008-07-21T16:24:00.005-04:00

Normally, I don't discuss my private sex life on this blog, nor do I often push products, but this one is an important 'ally' in my bedroom. Without it, we simply do not have sex, at least not in the way we are used to.

What is the miracle product that has saved our sex life? Sexy Ganja, a personal lubricant, as it says on the package, made from hemp oil.

I have tried the petroleum jelly kinds - the KY and the Astro Glide, and they all left me feeling too sensitive, a little burning sensation. I hadn't even considered looking in the health food store for such a thing, and was pretty much giving up on having sex, period, due to dryness and irritation.

This is a free promo for this natural product, and I'm not even being paid to promote it!

Ladies, menopause is a time of major changes. Some of us breeze through apparently, but every single one of my friends in their late 40's and early 50's has shared some or all of the same symptoms as me. I put up with hot flashes (found a herbal remedy made with red clover), insomnia, (eventually went away), nerves & mood swings (motherwort tincture) and general brain fuzziness (haven't mastered that one yet), but this one put a serious dent in my love life, with ramifications for our relationship greater than all the others combined.

I have tried other long term solutions, drinking herbal teas (oatstraw for libido), and herbal supplements (for adrenal fatigue) with varying success (I mostly don't take them consistently enough). But this jelly does the trick. And it's quick.

So without going into further detail, let me just say that according to my doctor (and Dr. Christiane Northrup on Oprah last week), the only thing we can do is "use it or lose it". There are multiple ways of thinking and being orgasmic, and even a few chi-gong exercises you can do to direct loving energy from your 'high' heart to your 'low heart', as demonstratsed by Dr Northrup on national tv. But if you just want a quick fix, try some sexy ganja.

(Smoking the stuff may do the same thing, but I haven't tried that lately.)

Enjoy your sex life, think sexy thoughts, be your own best pleasuring buddy, and bottom line, don't give up! You are still a sexy red-hot mama!!

nameste,
jenn

10 SIGNS YOU ARE IN OVER 50 TRANSITION

2008-07-19T16:45:00.002-04:00

10 signs that you are in your over 50 transition

1. You can’t shake the idea that you’ve just passed a milestone birthday.
2. Your present career plan has reached a plateau and you are questioning the value of your work.
3. You are excessively irritated by new rules and regulations at work, and find such things as commuting in traffic intolerable.
4. Things that previously motivated you at work (having power or being competitive) no longer seem so important to you.
5. You want to read a book for pleasure and not think of it as an action project.
6. You focus on things you aren’t doing in life, and long for a better work/life balance.
7. You want to spend your time doing something that has meaning and purpose.
8. You feel an urgent need to explore your creative side, reconnect with long-lost friends and family, and focus on having a healthy lifestyle.
9. You want to overcome self-limiting foibles and finally discard the demons that have held you back.
10. You no longer want to postpone acting upon your dreams.

Adapted from Smart Women Don’t Retire - They Break Free: From Working Full-Time to Living Full-Time by THE TRANSITION NETWORK and Gail Rentsch.

found at http://www.notjustthekitchen.com/health-beauty/10-signs-that-you-are-in-your-over-50-transition/

Brain fog and Menopause from Anita

2008-06-30T09:35:00.003-04:00

Anita at Cool Jams Blog has offered to trade posts and link to my ms menopause site, so I am posting one of her helpful blogs here for you:

Brain Fog and Menopause
This week I went to my doctor and the official word was that based on my blood tests I’m in the thick of menopause. Some of the main symptoms that I’ve experienced over the past year are night sweats, headaches and brain fog. I’ve spoken to many women who agree that as we age, the memory just doesn’t work the same.

According to my doctor, this so called “brain fog” is fairly common among menopausal women.The trigger to this fuzzy brain issue seems to be the decreased estrogen levels during menopause. As our ovaries slow down on estrogen production, our internal thermostats keep trying to readjust. This is actually a confusing time for the body, so no wonder we end of with “brain fog”, night sweats, headaches, hot flashes and a host of other menopausal symptoms.

Some researchers are saying that the “brain fog” is actually a sub symptom of night sweats and other menopausal sleep issues. Simply put…if you don’t sleep well, your brain doesn’t function well, thus the “brain fog”. The good news is that you can do some things about the sleep issues.

There are lots of natural remedies available to help combat menopausal symptoms. I’ve had success with yoga, exercise and wicking pajamas to help with night sweats. Additionally, to help with the "brain fog", I encourage women to learn new things to help stimulate their brains.

Studies have shown that as baby boomers age, they can keep their minds sharp by exercising their brains, just like they exercise their bodies. Why not try learning a new language, learning to play an instrument or taking up bridge or crossword puzzles.

Not only will you be able to enjoy a new skill, but you’ll keep your brain sharp and fit.
Posted by Anita M. at http://coolnewsforwomen.blogspot.com/

Sacred Journey of peri-menopause

2008-06-23T11:57:00.004-04:00

"When a woman stops doing she must learn how to simply be. Being is not a luxury; it is a discipline. The heroine must listen carefully to her true inner voice. That means silencing the other voices anxious to tell her what to do." The Heroine's Journey

When we decide to live differently, to listen to the voice within instead of the pressures without, when we decide to live authentically and be true to ourselves, there is bound to be friction, conflict, a feeling of being left behind. We fear letting other people down by not volunteering for every new project that comes our way, as if our commitment to Self was selfish. We feel lost, unsure, on a quest.

But the price we pay for not listening in, is too high , and often involves physical injury or chronic pain. In my case, it was a neck stiffness and shoulder ache that refused to leave in spite of osteopathy and physiotherapy treatments. Only when I made a difficult decision to stop 'doing too much' and let go of a major volunteer commitment did the neck pain ease up. I decided the major house renovation project (one year long) was taking up 50% of my time and energy and deserved my full attention (aside from writing, singing commitments, women's circle, household and teen management tasks).

A friend of mine was on a leave from work for burn-out, and was considering a career change during her time-off. At the end of the leave, she had a few ideas of what to do next, but nothing firm, and decided she still needed the income from her marketing position so she returned to work part-time. Not only was her employer not giving her key assignments, but her joie-de-vivre and pleasure in her former position was gone. A short while afterwards, she had a car accident on her hour-long drive to work and broke her collarbone. This put her back on sick-leave and allowed her to pursue her other options. She ended up taking a correspondance course in herbology, and is now finishing up. She seems much happier now that she's doing what she loves.

In the period it takes for us to 'transition', to discover where our joy is and what will truly allow us fulfillment in work or artistic endeavours, we may feel like we have lost our way. It may feel like the paths are criss-crossing in labyrinthine form, and often, our journey involves a descent or dark night of the soul where we question everything we are doing. It may feel like depression, or at the least, a time to be isolated, alone, leaving the upper world of external values to find our own ground, our own intuition, our own feminine values.

We need to remember the importance of this journey, this task, to find the lost pieces of our selves, to find our way to a place of knowing within.

Allow yourself the time you need to figure it out, to feel your way through, and pay attention to your inner urgings - it may not seem rational or logical, but you will save yourself some pain and suffering if you listen well.

nameste,
musemother

Poems for Menopause

2008-06-16T16:47:00.003-04:00

Leisure
by W.H. Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs
and stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Otherwise
Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
mik, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

both poems taken from
Good Poems by Garrison Keillor

best
jenn

Menopause and Power

2008-06-10T11:22:00.002-04:00

"There is an enormous elemental force at work in women's bodies that is both intensely intimate and universal - ecstatic, creative, restorative and full of love. We experience this force at menstruation (and also during pregnancy and giving birth).

The post-menopausal woman, who has understood and lived the journey of the cycle, fully inhabits this power." A Woman's Quest, Alexandra Pope

Connection to the feminine

2008-06-09T15:54:00.003-04:00

Some books speak to me more than others. Marianne Williamson's The Age of Miracles, Embracing the new Mid-life, for instance, was a total dud in my opinion. Two of my women circle friends agreed. No meat in it, nothing new to mull over, no real useful information or inspiration.

Other books reach out and grab me on a visceral level: The Heroine's Journey by Maureen Murdock (http://www.photowords.com/murdock/) is one such book. She describes the urgent yearning women have to reconnect with our own wisdom, with our bodies and souls, not just our minds. The desire to find our own power, to cherish our female bodies and embody the 'feminine' through 'conscious nutrition, exercise, bathing, resting, healing, lovemaking, birthing and dying."

There's a clue there to what the connection to the feminine is, and I feel some part of it resides in the female body, and our care of it:

"The female vulva was once an emblem of beauty and holiness and transcendence. All humans come into the world through the gateway of our body."

Compare that to the discomfort a lot of women feel with their bodies, if not outright self-hatred. All our bodily changes at puberty, pregnancy and menopause leave us feeling out of control. We celebrate it, yet are embarrassed by the exuberance and abundance evident in our female bodies.

What if we blessed our body parts instead of cursing them? Why do we have such a love-hate relationship with our breasts/thighs/hips/bums/arms/legs/feet?

What is the connection to the feminine and how do we regain it?

Some women seek it in ancient goddess mythology: " Because female history has been so shattered, women are reaching back to prehistory to find elements of the woman's mythology that existed before the Greek division of power into mulitiple gods." The Heroine's Journey.

Some of those images can be found across many cultures: the Virgin, the Mother, the Crone, the spider, snake and bird. The grail, cave, mountain, water, ocean, vessel. Images of the feminine have been used to evoke much more than sexual attraction and fertility: as creator (Tiamat), destroyer (Kali), as giver of compassion and mercy (Kwan Yin).

But it's not all in the ancient past. Our modern mythic women are embodying the feminine as they build networks, join women's circles, create healthy communities to live in, work to protect the weak, the young, and the elderly. The Tend and Befriend impulse in times of stress is an aspect of the feminine. The environmentalists seeking to protect green spaces and preserve forests and streams and wildlife are connecting to the feminine.

Wherever there is moistness, new green life, flowing rivers, cascading waterfalls, in the creative impulse that springs forth on its own. In the desire for peace.

Nourishing, feeding, caring for babies, building hospices for the dying, acting as agents of change and transformation, architects of the compassionate cities of the future, engineers of safe, non-pollutant forms of transportation, conscious bio-dynamic farmers, astronomers studying the stars, computer programmers unveiling the web of connection between human beings all around the planet......

What is the feminine for you?

nameste,
jenn

More than just hot flashes

2008-06-02T13:46:00.004-04:00

I met some women from a book club I used to belong to over the weekend and mentioned a few of the things I'd noticed during peri-menopause. We all had a good laugh when we realized these were all things we'd experienced, and not had a clue were part of menopause.

The symptoms were subtle, and I was not sure they were connected until I read more about it.

My anxiety levels seemed increasingly volatile, sometimes triggered by relatively minor events. Once I was in the shower and felt my thoughts spirally out of control, but was able to calm myself down. I wondered if that was what a panic attack felt like - heart racing, breathing quickly.

Other symptoms include heart palpitations while lying down, not after any strenous exercise, joint pain, hair loss, dry skin, fuzzy thinking, vaginal dryness and urinary issues, feeling overwhelmed, digestive issues, these are all listed as symptoms on the http://www.womentowomen.com/ web site, an excellent source of medical information from doctors who work in the clinic in Maine started by Dr. Christiane Northrup.

So if you're feeling something is out of whack, it may or may not be connected to your peri-menopausal journey. Check it out at the website above; chances are your doctor doesn't know yet that symptoms of menopause can last 7-10 years before you stop having your period, which for some of us means in our early forties we are already having symptoms.

You are not going crazy, it's temporary and there are several good herbal sources that help immensely. Susun Weed's book New Menopausal Years the Wise Women Way is an increasingly valuable source of information for me. Nettle tea, for calcium absorption and nerves, motherwort tonic for heart and nerves, Oatstraw for lack of libido and dryness, there's a ton of remedies and good advice in this book. Most of which begins with the number one thing you should do when confronted with a symptom: rest, and see if that is all you need.

have a great day,
musemother/jenn

Emotional Turbulence and Menopause

2008-05-23T13:33:00.003-04:00

More than the night sweats and hot flashes, what really changed for me at menopause is my emotional landscape.

I'm not sure what the cause is, but I am becoming hyper-sensitive. I cry easily at movies, can't stand to watch car crashes or violence on screen, flinch or jump at loud noises, and am generally more anxious than I remember being, especially while driving.

I would never have related this to hormone imbalance or menopause, if I hadn't read the following on the http://www.womentowomen.com website.

Here's an excerpt from what I found there:

"Let’s start by looking at the root cause of anxiety — the destructive effect of stress on hormone balance.

It now seems the norm for women to be “maxed out” in all directions. Most of us work, and the workplace has gotten more demanding. Most of us raise children and help care for aging parents. We often have relationship issues that create stress too. And we are conditioned to put ourselves in last place on the list of priorities.

The type of stress is just as important as the amount. So much of the stress we experience is constant — it never goes away. The human body simply isn’t designed for constant stress. When that occurs, our ability to cope with stress can be overwhelmed. If you inventory the stress in your life you may realize that much of it is unremitting. This can give rise to a serious condition known as adrenal fatigue. It is also a cause of chronic anxiety that is often diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.

The estrogen dominance common to perimenopause probably adds to this “anxiety response.” In a normal menstrual cycle, estrogen dominates at the beginning of the cycle, and progesterone rises in the second half. The progesterone has a calming, relaxing effect. But in perimenopause we have more cycles in which we don’t ovulate, so the progesterone level stays low. (Also see our article on irregular periods.) For some women, anxiety attacks are their major symptom of perimenopause."

Add to all this the bad habits we have of jumpstarting our bodies with caffeine and eating poorly when stressed, and you have the recipe for higher levels of anxiety.

I know many women in the same boat, with aging parents and teen-agers, full-time or part-time jobs, or sick family members that need care-taking, and very little time to care for themselves, let alone eat a healthy meal and get to bed early every night.

So don't be surprised if you feel a little raw, or as if your nerves are exposed. Susun Weed, in her book The Menopausal years The Wise Woman Way says this is also because of neglect.

"You may think your feelings are out of proportion, too sharp, quite irrational, possibly insane. But, I assure you, they are only raw from neglect. Receive them without judgment, nourish them, and your 'uncontrollable' feelings during the menopausal years will lead you to the deepest heart of your own secrets.

If you cannot tolerate those about you, leave. Go to the sheltering space of your cave. Claim your Crone's Year Away."

Something else you can do: write about your feelings in your journal, get in touch with your buried feelings (anger, grief, loss); Sing the blues or dance it out with some salsa music. Get more sunshine - not too hard in spring and summer. Move your body out into nature and take a long, healing walk. Get a massage - you'll be surprised what emotions well up sometimes while you are lying on a massage table. If tears come, let them. Find a homeopath to help you find a remedy. There are several for emotional upset, overwhelm, feelings of depression or wanting to be left alone.

And finally, go on a retreat - you may not be able to take a year off (!) from your life, but you can certainly take one or two days. Find a woman's retreat by googling it, or look in your local health food store or yoga centre.

Nameste,
musemother

Sanctuary & Self-Nurturing

2008-05-13T13:41:00.004-04:00

How do you replenish yourself and find a centering calm? hiking, yoga, naps, reading, music, gardening?

How do you come home again to your body?

"Each major life passage entails emptying and refilling." The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy

The transformation of menopause can leave you feeling exhausted, until you discover what fills you up again.

For me, yoga and meditation are great for grounding me in the body and breath. They keep me feeling alive in the present moment and provide an anchor for my galloping sails.

Take this 'pause' as an excuse to start a new life. Turn over a new leaf. Dare to be the You you've always wanted to be. Welcome the tumult as Gail Sheehy calls it, and discover what positive aspects of this Change may be hiding under the symptoms of dis-ease.

I have been finding the most relief in creating mini-retreats for myself- a deliberate time-out when no-one else can disturb me, a time alone, time off, and time to go inside, be with me.

I light a candle, do some yoga on the floor, listen to soothing music, then write in my journal or use my cards to uncover some wisdom I need to hear.

Usually, it's about trusting myself, trusting that I can give myself what I need. To find balance, to ground myself in the stillness before running off into busyness. To rejoice in the simplicity of one breath in, one breath out.

I learn to pay attention to the unseen, to new ways of knowing, and be aware of what I need to feel whole, to feel myself.

I learn to embrace my need for this emptying and refilling, this sanctuary, this peace of mind.

Do something to nurture your self today, something simple, something to feed the inner self.

What are you hungry for?

musemother

Biology as Destiny?

2008-05-01T12:36:00.003-04:00

The old 'new' way of thinking about women's cycles is that it's a nonevent. Puberty, pregnancy, menopause - just breeze through it, keep working, keep your chin up and all will be well.

However, many of us are flumoxed at the raging hormones surging through us, affecting our emotional stability, our moods, our performance at work, our sleep, our relationships. Our spouses are afraid to come near us at the PMS time, and during pre-menopause, my PMS lasted up to 2 weeks some months.

"Menopause isn't an event at all, but a process that takes place over five to seven years and as as many profound metaphysical, social and sexual layers of meaning as the passage of menarche, which ushers in a woman's fertility....The polemicists ....are often women frozen in an outdated era of feminism. Ignoring a host of new data that demonstrate some clear gender differences stemming, at least in part, from variations in male/female biology..." from The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy

We are different, and stuffing our mood swings into the closet will not help us 'deal with it'. What I think we're missing is an understanding of the huge transition this end of our period brings up for us. We need to mourn certain things, grieve a little for what is dying, let ourselves lay low in the cocoon while we are changing, and celebrate the new self that is being born. It is a time to come to terms with past traumas and hurts, to make peace with our ghosts, with our selves. We learn to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, as we would treat others. We learn to move more slowly because multi-tasking is no longer working for us.

Mostly, we learn to listen within. The needs of the inner being can no longer be ignored. A woman's cycle is something to get to know. Your inner workings are something to get close to. The ancient rituals and ceremonies surrounding Demeter and the Eleusinian mysteries were connected to the cycles of Mother earth, and of women. Our bleeding was once sacred. Our need for alone time was once respected and valued. Journalling, keeping track of your cycle, watching the moon's cycle to see how aligned you are, are just a few ways you can do this.

So don't get conned into thinking because we have equality in working status (in most areas), and parity on a salarial level, that we should just shut up about our bodies' needs at this transitional time, and keep on keeping on. If you are feeling exhausted, wired, overwhelmed, irrational and emotional, give yourself a break. Find out more about this peri-menopausal shift, this journey towards the self. There are many good books listed on this blog, but a very good overview is Joan Borysenko's A woman's book of life, or Dr. Christiane Northrup's Wisdom of Menopause. A little information and a lot of inspiration will make you feel less 'insane'. You are not insane, you are just finding a new balance. The old one won't work anymore.

Right now I am reading, The Change by Germaine Greer and The Silent Passage by Gail Sheehy. A new book, just arrived today, is Marianne Williamson's The Age of Miracles, Embracing the New Mid-Life - more about these in a future blog.

Let yourself breathe a little today. Just for today, accept how you feel, and breathe into it.

Embrace the power of doing nothing, if that's what it takes to make you feel better.
That's where I'm at this week, making little sabbaticals as I go,

musemother

Why can't I sleep?

2008-04-28T14:07:00.003-04:00

"You won't sleep well during the short part of your menopause when you may be swept by waves of volcanic heat, shiver through arctic chills, have sweat rivering through your bedclothes, and feel powerful surges of emotion. There may be times when your mind and hormones and memories make a crazy quilt of your dreams and days. Surely you wouldn't expect to sleep peacefully through that.

"Inspiration may shake you awake before dawn. Be ready to receive the gifts of this Change, whether awake or asleep. Be ready; what you thought were walls are veils...."

Grandmother Growth, from Susun Weed's new Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way

It would be nice to have the luxury of napping whenever and wherever we feel the urge to catch up on lost sleep. Especially for those of us who work during the day, a little power nap would be great, if we could allow it for ourselves.

Sleep is one of those things you just can't do without, yet it doesn't come when it is bidden. For pregnant or nursing moms and hormonally challenged menopausal women, sleep is elusive. It is the one thing that makes you feel crazy if you don't get enough of it. And yet, sometimes it's the first thing we skimp on to make room in our busy lives for more 'activity'.

What if we saw more sleep not as a lazy person's habit but as a spiritual practice?

I was shocked when I read this in The Woman's Quest by Alexandra Pope, that sleep is "a powerful spiritual practice and the most powerful of all for overworked women." She goes on to say it works wonders for our being at all levels. Especially around the time of our period, and during the Pause. It could be the extra dream time we need, or a time of rest and repair.

If we look at the menstrual cycle as our inner guidance system, then it would make sense that when you feel sleepy, you let yourself sleep. Consider it an ally, and a way to be kind to yourself. Make an effort to get to bed at a regular hour every night, and find time during the day to have some down time, which may not be a nap but just a chill out time of doing less.

Somewhere, somehow, we need to nurture our need for sleep. Countering the 'productivity' machine is not easy, but in menopause, our bodies are clamouring for self-care. Slowing down while you eat, moving at the pace of your body instead of the pace of an overactive mind, taking cat naps wherever possible, writing down your dreams if you do wake up in the middle of the night, all these are ways of listening in to the Feminine.

enjoy the spring rain, take a nap!

musemother

Coming home to who I am

2008-04-21T11:44:00.003-04:00

"I feel as if I am becoming who I was meant to be. After all the years of outer-directed energy, I am coming home to the Feminine...coming home to myself. I am allowing myself to become a mature woman in the truest and deepest sense.

Sometimes, as I sit listening quietly within, it seems as if the very air in the house has been transformed. There is a hush of tranquillity, an attitude of devotion filling every room. I feel a sense of connection to the self that I have been at other times in my life...to the girl and maiden from the past, to the developed woman of adulthood ... and to the older woman I know that I shall someday be.

As I allow myself to mature, I find that I must do things the old, slow ways...perform my work so quietly that some part of me can always be listening...listening for the deeper sense of my life. Those few brief moments each day... I set aside to listen are no longer enough for me."
from I Sit Listening to the Wind, Woman's Encounter within Herself, Judith Duerk

This morning I created a mini-retreat for myself after my regular meditation. I lit a fragrant candle (rose incense), did some yoga to some wonderful music I bought at Kripalu. Then made a note of all the postures that felt good, from cat and dog, to downward dog, pigeon pose, and yoga mudra: to open hips and shoulders, stretch the spine and legs. I lay down on my bed afterwards in corpse pose, and listened to the drone of chanting while I rested, and let myself go to feeling what was there in my body, wrapped in a fluffy blanket in the stilled room.

That was all I needed today, to remind myself that I need to slow down and listen in. Part of me is always wanting to rush into the home office next to my room and get on the computer, read my emails, check the blogs I love, connect with others. Or attack the list of calls to make, things to do around the house. We are selling our home and renovating a new one, so there are lots of those kind of things to do.

What struck me this morning was the need to get close to my inner feeling; the emotions swimming in my belly were calling out for healing. I didn't put names on them, just felt the fluttering and soothed it by breathing into it. Peace and groundedness are my priority for this moment. Even reading the new books I just received on The Change felt like too much 'outside authority' for my inner self this day. I felt a real quest to find my own wisdom, my own healing modality. What is it I need for myself today?

Every moment, there is information available to me. Every moment I can check in, breathe deeply, stretch my body, find out how I am feeling, and how close I am to my well-being.

Wellness of being, well of being. Is it full, or empty?

Can I give myself what I need?

I repeat the mantra often, the one I need to hear: I am OK. I have everything I need.

blessings,
musemother

Fatigue and menopause

2008-04-12T19:10:00.003-04:00

“Fall into my arms and sleep, offers Grandmother Growth. You don’t have to make this change happen; it will happen on its own. Let me hold you. Let go. Don’t resist. Rest. You are in the midst of the labor of giving birth to yourself as Crone. Of course you are tired. This is hard work.

Let the pushing energy of your uterus move your energy up to your crown, rather than down and out, as with menstrual blood and babies. This birthing of your wholeness is something you’ll retain, not something you’ll birth and give away. Rest in my strong arms. Take courage.” from New Menopausal Years, Susun Weed.

Dialogue with the Great Mother about exhaustion:

“Bring me your tired women” she said, “your weary and weak.”

The women were very tired – they were tired of working fourteen hour days; they were tired of schlepping children to daycare at 7 am and picking them up at 6 pm, of fighting over homework and of never having a minute alone with themselves, let alone their husbands, tired of changing toilet paper rolls and of picking up puppy poo, of being the only one who walks the dog and feeds the cats. They were tired of PMS, hot flashes and sleepless nights.

They were tired of driving their kids to karate, tae kwon do, brownies, cubs, guitar lessons, hip hop and ballet classes. They were tired of sore necks, bursitis and tendonitis from typing all day. They were tired from doing laundry at midnight and making breakfast at 5:30 a.m. They had tried physiotherapy, acupuncture, osteopathy and chiropractors. They had taken supplements, joined a gym, cut out carbohydrates, walked and jogged and step-classed themselves to even greater fatigue, and Great Mother, all they wanted was to lie down on the floor and rest their weary heads….

Yes, even the hair on their heads hurt, and their ears were sore from hearing Mommy I need this by tomorrow or I’ll get a detention….

And Great Mother replied…

Dear dizzy, busy daughters of Earth – yes, you do need to rest – you need to lie down on my grassy breast, or float in my salty waves – you need to give yourselves a break before you break a leg – or crack up in a nervous break-down.

Why can’t you rest? Why can’t you press the pause button? That is why I created meno-pause.

You’re not paying attention – listen carefully please – you were not created to Do It All Alone – there are no super moms or superwomen out there – Listen to what Ishtar, Queen of Heaven invented many thousand years ago – a Sabbatu, or heart’s rest at the full moon (when she was bleeding). This is your time to take a day off.

Long ago, a sacred day of rest was created – the Sabbath- on the full moon, a sacred day, a day to refresh and renew your energy, a much needed, blessed rest, once a week – from there you can reset your clock, your energy and give out again to your family, your job.

Come home to me. Receive my gift. You may have all the gold in the world, but without peace in the heart, you will never feel fulfilled or at rest.

My peace I give to you – make yourselves a sacred space, a space of quiet, without distraction, in nature or in your room:

light a candle, run a hot bath, or sit quietly in meditation, walk in the woods or listen to a babbling stream, take a nap, put on some soothing flute music, stretch your muscles in yoga, or lie in corpse pose on the rug - but these you must do regularly to feed the heart’s need for rest.

Find/make your own Sabbatu, for the body is your temple and the heart sits on its throne. Hearth and heart need a space to call Home,

My blessings always,
Queen of Heaven.

I open my heart in compassion and love to those I meet.
Knowing that I too, shall be loved and comforted in my turn.

Prayer from Kwan Yin, Buddhist goddess of compassion

Ordinary Women can change the world

2008-04-08T08:48:00.005-04:00

Judith Timson has a great column in the Life Section of the Globe and Mail (www.globeandmail.com) today. She asks the question, how can ordinary women change the world when they are so tired? It's true that women of a certain age are wanting to step out of their lives and do more for others. And that we are exhausted from trying to juggle all our roles. It must be menopause.

Dr. Joan Borysenko calls this stage of life the Guardian Years. We want to share our knowledge and wisdom, protect the vulnerable, help grow the world into a better place. We are also learning how to speak up and be true to our own needs.

Maybe before we save the planet, women need to stop trying to do it all the way men have done it for years, subsequently dying from overwork and heart-attacks. Why are so many women experiencing stress or burn-out, usually women in the caring professions of teaching and nursing?

“Approximately one in three people is sleep deprived, complaining of exhaustion and trouble holding things together. We are an anxious and worried culture. Between 1990 and 1997, the number of doctors’ office visits for anxiety increased by 31 percent.

Unfortunately, many of the people who suffer in doctor’s offices are the health-care providers themselves. Some are so stressed that they have proceeded to the advanced state of exhaustion called burnout, which is a condition of mind, body and spirit that is distinctly different from stress.” (on Beating Stress & Burnout at www.joanborysenko.com)

In mid-life, our energy stores can become depleted. Our bodies start giving us messages about the need for self-care, often disguised as illness or fatigue. Often, we haven’t developed the habit of taking care of ourselves. That would be selfish.

I don’t think of self-care as selfish, but that’s because I learned the hard way, by breaking a leg, that I needed to ask for help. In mid-life I am learning to speak up about what I need help with. I ask my teenagers to cook once a week or at least help with supper and do dishes. I ask them to take care of their own rooms and laundry. I need help walking the dog on days when I work outside the home. Women with ailing parents have the double bind of working, caring/ cooking/shopping and cleaning for their parents, while keeping their own houses tidy and cooking healthy meals for their families. No wonder we’re tired.

My theory is that to restore balance, we need to honour our feminine life cycle. And of course, not only for women, but for weary men, too. Reinstate the Sabbath, a quiet reflective day once a week to let spirit revive us, whether through Church or synagogue, yoga or relaxation. Find more down time, less busy time. Lose the fear of ‘not being productive’ and rest more. Take daily naps. Get outside and watch the geese returning. Take a walk around your neighbourhood and smile at someone you don’t know.

Mid-life women are wisening up. Too pooped to cope anymore with everybody else’s ‘stuff’, we are turning to our own need for balance. On the airplane, if the oxygen mask suddenly drops down, it is suggested that you put one on yourself first, then on the vulnerable ones you are traveling with. Don’t wait for burn-out. Find out where you are on the 'dry well' scale - empty, half-full?

Do something good for the planet now, and take care of your heart. Find the sabbatu or heart’s rest, which in ancient times the Queen of Heaven took on her bleeding days. We have lost touch with the feminine art of rest and receiving. We can regain balance by toning down the ‘do it all today or die’ syndrome.

My personal effort to restore balance is to stop striving, resist the ‘perfectionist’ in me who is never satisfied, ignore the voice that wails, ‘it is never enough, I am not enough’. Breathe in, breathe out. Find balance and presence, find the center in the chaos. That will help the world. Give the world the gift of your presence.

Your children, your parents, your co-workers and friends, will all drink from the well of your plenitude.

be well,
musemother

What's Happening to me?

2008-04-01T09:58:00.003-04:00

"The wise woman achieves menopause. It does not overcome her."

Well, so the books say anyway. I can remember feeling very overwhelmed during peri-menopause. There's even a homeopathic remedy for that feeling: Sepia, which I took as needed.

Sometimes things get a little topsy turvy, what with lack of sleep, night sweats, PMS taking over for two weeks instead of three days, and breaking into tears at inopportune moments, like in the middle of a business meeting with your boss.

How do you handle it? Do you go for hormone replacement therapy? Do you just go to see a psychologist for talk therapy? Anti-depressants? What is going on with me?

According to Dr. Christiane Northrup, our brains are being rewired for greater intuition. We move out of the child-rearing mode where we are focussed on others, and begin to caretake ourselves. Changing levels of hormones may be what stimulates the 'Change', but the upshot is, we get encouraged to deal with a whole lot of messy emotions, collectively labelled "unfinished business". The PMS is not the cause but the trigger - it is signalling stuff you have stuffed down, swallowed, and can't digest anymore.

Sitting with a journal (or a good friend who doesn't mind listening to your litany of woes), is a good way to begin to untangle what you are feeling. What do I want? What is bugging me? What is pissing me off?

Can I dare open that can of worms and deal with it, instead of waiting for the can to explode and have worm soup all over the kitchen floor, and risk damaging my relationships with children and spouses? I think it is safer to make lists in the safety of my room, and look at my emotions from a detached place (out of the heat of the moment). Why did I fly off the handle at my daughter's request to book her a hair appointment? Am I taking on too much that is her responsibility? Can I let go of the 'mothering' I do and let my kids take on more of the household tasks? Why can't I value my own self enough to make room for me, my needs, my work, my space.

Myspace - funny that all the kids are creating their myspaces on-line. That's a good metaphor for what menopausal women need. A My space blocked out somewhere in the virtual world or the physical world in 3 dimensions. Sometimes I fantasized about a white room, with no distractions, no radio or tv, no interruptions, no puppies to walk, no cats to feed, no demands on me....somewhere I could let my writing flourish in....then I realized what I was imagining was a little padded cell.

Maybe it's also time to release some demons, release the past, face the present moment. I make visualisations and affirmations a part of my ritual now: I can do it. I am worth it. I believe in myself. I have something worth saying.

There is deep siginificance to this Change, on a psychological level and a spiritual level.

It is initiation by fire.

It is awakening my own feminine self.

It is empowering me.

It is burning through me with the energy of a forest fire.

Find out what is feeding the flames.

Be your own best friend, and show some compassion.

Let the power surges support you, not freak you out.

namaste,
jenn

Reuniting with the Feminine, the Work we have to Do

2008-03-16T15:26:00.003-04:00

(In breaking with our mothers, we break with our femininity)

"There are countless women of the sixties and seventies who so deeply resented the patriarchy which had destroyed their femininity and that of their mothers that they lashed out against that patriarchy, but in doing so they identified with the masculine side of their own psyches. In some cases they turned into the very thing they most feared -- the witch side of their mothers, or in Jungian terms, the negative animus.

…the natural feminine way to feminine maturity is through the body. This is essentially what the ancient initiation rites were about. The rites grounded the girl in her own body which was then recognized as part of the feminine cosmos – a vehicle for fertility the container which made her one with the Goddess, through whom life moved eternally.

In our society, however, we have no rites and there are few older women who can initiate us into our own femininity. Most of us, men and women, are unconsciously identified with the masculine principal (the conscious value system of our mothers) with little or no consciousness of our own feminine instincts. So we flounder.

…In such situations, the genuine masculine principle is not present. ...Where the masculine and feminine are undifferentiated, the act of union is merely an identification...She may believe she is an androgyne, an independent woman, but in fact she has given up on ever being a woman and unconsciously decided to be nothing instead. …[She is] polarized against her mother and ultimately against herself and her own feminine nature; plus against her man whom she has made into her mother. Such a woman may end up in despairing conflict or in conflict which manifests as disease, or she may go on driving through life on her phallic broomstick hating or fearing every man she meets.

To be fully differentiated in the full feminine, in relation to the mature masculine: we need to make that rite of passage. We have to pay in blood. Every rite of passage involves a death and a rebirth. The price is the sacrifice. Part of that sacrifice is giving up of old securities and illusion. ...The masculine principle (in men and women) is not a healthy ego strength but ruthless will power….giving up that driven-ness is part of our blood sacrifice. And it begins to feel like giving up life itself when an individual has lived life in a frenzied round of goal-oriented activity, leaving no room for loving. As Jung says, 'Where love reigns, there is no will to power; and there the will to power is paramount, love is lacking.'

… instead of being terrorized by her aloneness and her feelings of abandonment and rejection, she can use this time to work on herself. One of the things she will surely face is her own inner killer – the overdeveloped masculine in herself that kills her femininity (and put a bullet through the heart of her King Kong animus) [in dreams].
…
First I believe that femininity is taking responsibility for our bodies, so that the body becomes the tangible expression of the spirit within. For those of us who have lived life in the head, this is a long, difficult and agonizing process, because in attempting to relese our muscles, we also release the pent-up fear and rage and grief that has been buried there, probably since or before birth. …it acts at first like a wild neurotic creature that hasn’t known love. But gradually it becomes our friend, and because it understand the instincts better than we, it comes our guide to a natural, spiritual way of life.
…
Secondly, femininity is taking responsibility for who I am – not what I do, now how I seem to be, not what I accomplish. When all the doing is done and I have to face myself in my naked reality, who am ? what are my values, needs? Am I true to myself or do I betray myself? What are my feelings?

Working on these questions day after day is what I call differentiating the feminine.”

from Addiction to Perfection, Marion Woodman, chapter, The Myth of Ms.

If you don't mind the Jungian jargon, I highly recommend this book, published in 1982 by Inner City books, Toronto.

While is is on the surface a study of her analysands with eating disorders, at the base of it is the identification with the negative animus or unhealthy masculine priniciple, and our disconnection with our female bodies.

have a great Sunday,
Jenn

Women's Circles and Awakening to Your life's purpose

2008-03-13T15:51:00.004-04:00

Today, I woke up wanting to stay in bed. It's not that there's 6 feet of snow outside my front door, nor that winter is dragging. I just got back from a week in the sun and sand on Grand Cayman Islands, and my skin drank alot of sunshine there, more than my dermatologist would have liked.

No, it's the old hamster in the wheel of thought, circling my brain with the same old query: what do you want to do with your life? And when are you going to start?

As I told my women's circle today, I have already re-invented myself at least twice. The last time was going back to school after getting married, in my early 30's, to study something impractical, just for me: creative writing. It lead to a Master's Degree and a book of poems being published, plus something to keep me busy at night while the babies were sleeping in between feedings. Think of all those 4 a.m. poems that would never have seen the light of day!

Now that I am a mother, and a post-menopausal one at that, I am feeling this huge itch to reinvent myself again. It's been like this for over five years now - the seeking, reading, researching, going to workshops. At first I assumed it was a new mentor, another poetry workshop, a new technique for writing poetry. Then I kept hearing, maybe you should write non-fiction or a novel. Don't have the stamina for a novel. But I enjoy teaching workshops and working with women, so I started teaching the odd workshop here and there at a women's centre, or with a yoga teacher. Still, I kept on reading and researching menopausal information, female centered religions, sexuality, menstrual cycles and so that all came into the courses I was teaching.

But lately, the bug has bitten again. What is my real life purpose? what is the one thing I could do that would help the world, help me feel fulfilled (besides mothering two teens who don't seem to need much help anymore except where to find the peanut butter).

In spite of my lethargy, this morning I picked up Eckhart Tolle's book A New Earth, yes, the one Oprah is pushing as book of the year, and opened it to one of the last chapters. Here is what I read about inner purpose and outer purpose:

"Without living in alignment with your primary purpose, [conscious awareness] WHATEVER PURPOSE YOU COME UP WITH, EVEN IF IT IS TO CREATE HEAVEN ON EARTH, will be of the ego or become destroyed by time. Sooner or later, it will lead to suffering. ...In other words, not your aims or your actions are primary, but the state of consciousness out of which they come. Fulfilling your primary purpose is laying the foundation for a new reality, a new earth. Once that foundation is there, your external purpose becomes charged with spiritual power because your aims and intentions will be one with the evolutionary impulse of the universe."

Maybe taken out of context this doesn't mean as much to you as it did to me, but it hit me over the head, that my happiness and fulfillment can never be somewhere off in the future. My goals have to be much closer to the now, to the present moment, to live with attention to this life energy inside me, to be so close to that, that I am not distracted by my thinking, or by my fantasies of being a Workshop Leader who changes the world.

How is this related to women's friendships? Today was our circle chat, and eight of us showed up at one member's house. A few of us were resistant to coming today, knowing we might have to open up and talk about ourselves, feeling a bit fragile. But after the third person had spoken, the fourth woman said, "Thank you for being so open and sharing yourselves this way. It's so inspiring. It means you trust us." And it reminded me again of how precious it is to have this sense of community or friendship amongst women who are looking for meaning.

We started this circle to invite speakers on alternative health topics, on everything from shamanism, emotional healing, PMS, menopause, the environment, to building schools for girls in Africa, on any topic that opens our minds and our hearts to learn more, grow more, heal more. But now, we have found our most precious resource is our own stories, our own learnings in our lives, the lessons learned, the questions, the doubts, the yearnings, the hopes, the tears and frustrations. We are sharing our journey.

We are holding hands in a circle, so we feel less alone.

And that, is one of my 'outer purposes', to help empower myself, and empower other women.

nameste,
jenn

Self Care for Menopausal Babes

2008-02-29T12:56:00.001-05:00

originally published on Musemother, Tuesday, May 08, 2007

If you are menopausal or peri-menopausal, as so many of my friends and acquaintances are realizing they are, you have been or will soon be confronted by some form of fatigue - either from insomnia, night sweats or nurturer burn-out. Perhaps you are working as a teacher, nurse, secretary or in some other helping profession. Perhaps you have full-time work at home, or perhaps you have an ailing parent you are caring for as well as your children.

The most important Mother's Week (I've just extended it from one day to one week!) message is the one I received in my in-box this morning from Dr. Christiane Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and Mother-Daughter Wisdom. I think it's so important I'm passing along an excerpt to you:

"One of the biggest challenges women face is learning how to care for themselves while caring for others. It requires a delicate balance between what often feels like polar opposites. I’ve spent a lifetime studying self-care. And I’ve come to the conclusion that good self-care is the single most important aspect of our health, period. The programming of self-sacrifice leads ultimately to health-destroying sentiments, such as guilt, resentment, anger, and other emotions linked to high levels of stress hormones. Self-sacrifice feels wrong to us on a soul level—our spirit gravitates naturally to joy and happiness. That’s why self-sacrifice ultimately makes us sick and keeps us stuck in dead-end situations."
Dr. Christiane Northrup's e-health newsletter excerpt

Unforunately some of us have been programmed to be good girls, and give selflessly to others without thinking about ourselves. Sometimes it takes a major health challenge, like burn-out or chronic fatigue syndrome or breast cancer, to make us stop and take a look at how we are emptying our feminine container, giving our energy away, and losing our joy.

My wake-up call was a broken leg, and a small cyst in my left breast (which turned out to be filled with a thick creamy substance!) The message took me a while to figure out - but while I was lying in bed with a cast, I had time to think and reflect. I also had time to listen to how my husband was dealing with a busy household, and time to talk with him in the evening about my feelings. I learned I had to speak up and ask for what I wanted (help with kids, help in household), especially in the sensitive area of sexual pleasure. I learned a lot of things.

I learned I was not superwoman, and could not do it all alone.

I learned that nobody else wanted me to be self-sacrificing anyway.

I learned through therapy (after my father passed away and more emotions came up) that I had always felt I wasn't 'enough', not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. And that I overworked myself out of needing to feel worthy. I had a hard time saying no to volunteer jobs for instance, especially if they had a nice title attached like 'coordinator' or 'vice-president'. My self-worth was lower than I imagined. And I was keeping myself too busy to wonder why I felt depressed, stressed and over-extended.

It's a long slow process towards self-honesty, and learning to be true to myself. On the road, I am learning how making myself invulnerable cuts me off from feeling close to people. How controlling others is a technique that used to work for me in my dysfunctional childhood home, but how it doesn't work with my own family now. How pushing myself beyond my comfortable limits makes me end up going over the edge and useless to those who rely on me.

Self-care involves dumping a lot of old baggage that doesn't serve me anymore. Guilt, resentment, anger and stress were making me a very cranky person. That's not the woman I want to be. Menopause has been a gift for me, in that it has forced me to pause and reflect, and dig deep. In that descent into murky waters, I have found some healing. I have begun to accept myself, know my limits better.

I hope you will not wait until something breaks. Heed the warning signs, the tension in your neck and shoulders, the explosive anger and PMS, the extreme fatigue and insomnia, and take action. Slow down. Be kinder to yourself, and that will increase your capacity for kindness to others. If you lose yourself, or your health, you can't help anyone anyway.

One way you can do this is to be mindful of your own body rhythms. See the Women's Wisdom blog (link on the left) for Seven Tips for body guidance.

Resources for Menopausal women

2008-02-28T17:49:00.004-05:00

I have bought two new books today, about menopause.

The first is The Secret Wisdom of a Woman's Body (about aging fearlessly and listening to the body's signals), by Pat Samples. A title I wish I could have dreamt up myself!

The second is Our Bodies Ourselves, Menopause from the The Boston Women's health Book collective. This book is like a dictionary, chock full of the latest studies, myth busting, pro-wisdom but not anti-medical establishment, yet anti-medicalization of menopause.

There is too much to quote, but one chapter that screamed at me is Emotional Well Being and Managing Stress (my personal bugaboo these days). While menopause may be a challenging time emotionally, it is also the best time of our lives! If our health is good, our systems of support, adequate income, then, yes it can be wonderfully liberating to hit menopause.

Some of us, however, have the stress response on automatic overload. It never turns off. Calming rituals like yoga, drumming, dance and meditation have been around for thousands of years and help us relax.
"eliciting the relaxation response" covers many different techniques, like mini breaks and mindfulness, contemplation and acceptance.

Here's some helpful info:

Deep breathing techniques can reduce the intensity of hot flashes - myth or reality?

"Reality: researchers have found relaxation techniques involving progressive muscle relation and deep breathing exercises reduced self-reported hot flashes by about 50 percent." now that's worth looking into.

"Taking care of ourselves is key. There is a difference between selfishness and self-care. Self-care means moving away from the belief that your needs come last. It means caring enough about yourself to prioritize those activities that will promote your own health: taking time for socializing, fore relaxation, and for embracing what is meaningful to you. Many of us lead busy lives, and the hours of the day evaporate. We reap many benefits when we realize that scheduling time for ourselves is essential to our health."

So there you have it - two more books for your bedside reading table. A good friend of mine called today about her doctor telling her that at age 46 she was too young to be in peri-menopause! So much misinformation out there. So check out the womentowomen.com website, and this Our Bodies Ourselves, for correct medical advice and encouragement.

namaste,
and see you back from March break, March 8
Jennifer

Where is the deep feminine space?

2008-02-13T11:56:00.003-05:00

Rereading my own entries about the masculine and animus on this and wisdomforwomen blog, it strikes me that my dis-ease with myself is really about missing the feminine space, the deep sense of groundedness that comes from being still, alone, either reading or writing or meditating, the best times for me are when I am alone.

I have always been a loner, and a social animal too. Not a complete introvert, but as menopause has gradually acclimatized me to my own nature, I realize I need time alone to be well.

Lately I have been overbusy with some volunteer work that involved lots of computer time, emails and phone calls, deadlines, kind of an HR position. It nourished and fed part of me, because it was a good cause. Helping spread a message of peace in the world. But somewhere in the busyness, I lost my own peace, my own depth or root of stillness. Part of me loves to be busy, to feel important, to have a 'job' to do besides being mom, cook, and laundry person.

The challenge for me is always to find balance: time to write vs time to be 'out there' doing stuff, keeping the wheels in motion.

So I've stepped down from my post, which had turned into a part-time job, timewise. And here I am back on my blog, back with my books, reading The Dance of the Dissident Daughter - which just popped up on my Amazon screen one day as a book I might like to buy. Sue Monk Kidd, the author of The Secret Life of Bees, one of my favourite novels, describes her own journey from daughter of a Christian, patriarchal mind-set to woman on a journey to find the sacred feminine.

All my readings these days tend to be about the need for contact with the deep feminine, silent space. The space of nothing, in my life. Recently I dreamt that I checked myself into a hotel and just slept for a few days.

Fighting off a flu bug, everyone around me is hacking and coughing and losing their voice (even in my Singing Valentine's quartet group). Trying to lay low and beat off the illness that stalks me. I find myself alone, at home, on a very snowy day, and happy to have a day off.

I remind myself, I don't need to get sick to have a day off. It reminds me of the winter I broke my knee skiing, and got to lie in bed for a few weeks. Some times the best moments were just lying there at dusk, watching the sun set in the field behind my house, out the window, and feeling a surge of life energy up the middle of my body, just humming. And I want to be held by that hum, to be surrounded by that comfort and feel connected to my source.

Dizzy with busyness, I stop. I put my feet up. (my kids are teens and away in school all day, so this is allowed, no toddlers pulling at my jeans anymore, saying, pick my up mommy). Menopause. Pausing into stillness, to find the deep source within. The feminine or yin place, the openness to nothing, to emptiness, to stillness.

This is nourishing my soul right now.

Make yourself a short retreat today, or this week. Hibernate with the bears, and return to the source. Rest, retreat and renew, however you can, even if it's while your son or daughter makes a play house around you with blankets. Snuggle down, and in. Read stories, walk in the snow, make snow angels. Be simple.

thanking the universe for this gift,
jenn

Cut off from her depths

2008-02-01T15:10:00.002-05:00

"It is difficult in life to find the Feminine Realm. The drawing of the water, the gathering of the grains no longer are performed under an open sky. ...The sense of her task as consecrated and necessary to the cosmos is gone. And I fear for women yet to come. For under the pressures of modern life, time has become compressed. The feminine sense of time has all but disappeared. Yet woman cannot exist with only a linear awareness of time, for her sense of sacred Kairos time is the precious essene of life. there must be time enough for her to experience the sacredness within each moment and within herself...." Judith Duerk, I sit listening to the wind (also author of Circle of Stones)

According to Duerk, we have modeled ourselves on the Masculine, but the heroic task/journey of the Masculine can not provide what a woman needs to complete the journey of the conscious and devleoped Feminine.....

"When a woman uses her energy only to reinforce what is outside of herself, she becomes cut off from her depths. her own feelings and life values become inaccessible to her. She molds herself to external standards and loses touch with her individuality. She is cut off from all that is uniquely her own that could nourish her and those around her, cut off from the creative new answers so badly need in the world today.

Cut off from her deeper sense of life, from the wisdom of her own unconscious, she lives in an arid approvable way. and her depths become enraged! the whole wellspring of womanly creativity within her is furious for not being tapped. and the greater the individuality and insight that have been dammed up, the greater the rage!

A woman speaks: My grandmother, my mother and me...only allowed to smile and agree. Only allowed to affirm what was initiated around us, never allowed ourselves to initiate.

If grandmother tried to disagree, she became hysterical. And mother swung between hysteria and opinionated animus, with no grounded Feminine ego between them. She was enraged that the men could never hear what she was unable to say.

All those generations of women in my lineage using our energy in service to a system that had so litle tolerance for Feminine feelings and values. Caught amidst all this, I was depressed and cut off from myself, with no energy for the causes I had believe in only haf a year before. then my judging animus did its foul double-play, first dmaining me for my depression, than blaming me for having served so long what had not served me."

I Sit Listening to the Wind, Judith Duerk

I am living this battle with the animus this week, judging myself harshly, striving to compete, prepare, be on time, get things done, and running steamroller over my own feelings, tiredness, need for quiet time.

Finally, today, I opened this book, and felt a tear trickle down on reading the first opening paragraphs. yes, my body is saying, you have been tricked into this harsh attitude of performance and perfectionism, and you whip yourself, because you put no faith in your own feelings, emotions, or heart side. Focused on doing instead of being, you hurt yourself, and the neck acts up. Freezes up, cramps and gets so sore, I have to quit working and rest.....

ah, rest. It's a snow day today, go back to the circle of light under the lamp, the comfy gold suede chair, and the warmth of a puppy lying beside you, relax and read, and dream your own thoughts.....

nameste,
musemother

Craving sweetness

2008-01-20T20:25:00.001-05:00

I never, ever had cravings for chocolate except in the three days before my period started. Now that I'm past menstruating, I think the chocoholic in me has been unleashed.

Over Christmas I got in the habit of eating from those big round trays of chocolate almonds and hershey kisses (so smooth with white and dark mixed). Last night, at 3 am I couldn't sleep (red wine and steak will do that), so I slipped downstairs to a comfy chair, sipped some mineral water, and found the chocolate hershey kisses right there on the side table. Hmmmmm, ate two while I finished Diana Gabaldon's Voyager. Crept back into bed at 5:21. It's Sunday, that's ok. Plus, no kids in the house (something relatively new).

At menstruation, we lose iron with our blood, and we crave food to make sure our bodies are fueled up -- but why is it often a need to eat chocolate? some people say it's the manganese or minerals. Alexander Pope in the Wild Genie says, "Perhaps our cravings are also a metaphor for our need to refuel in general. To 'take in' after 'giving out' to the world. " Makes sense to me.

"Could your sugar craving be something as simple as wanting more sweetness in your life? whether jelly beans or chocolate, or jujube pink piggies, it is "truly a psychological necessity to have moments of total self indulgence, or at the very least to acknowledge the need. Unfortunately jelly beans are full of sugar....need to find another way to nourish the soul."

Maybe what I'm really seeking is a deep connection with my inner soul. Some ecstasy or bliss or altered state of consciousness. What if I put on some yoga music and stretch my body into sweetness. Fill up with breath, and move to the music.

Yesterday, I did some yoga on the floor in my room. I did some downward dog, some triangle, then just lay still, listening to music, receiving, in corpse pose. There are lots of ways to spoil myself. Chocolate almonds are my craving, and I won't give them up completely. But deep cleansing breaths are the connection to the sweetness within. Or asking for a hug from my hubby instead of turning out the lights without a kiss goodnight.

How sweet it is to be loved by you!

mother your craving,
jenn

2008-01-06T12:27:00.002-05:00

Heed the change, women. Your blood is moving in new ways,, says Grandmother Growth (Susun Weed's book New Menopausal years The Wise Woman way).

"Resistance will only make you tired. Allow the movements and changes inside you to spill out. There is no separation between your life and your Change. Let go now of your routines, your habits, your need for control. Give yourself up to this Change, this metamorphosis, the seeming chaos. I promise you, it will only be for a short while."

We are blessed with this changing body, transforming at puberty, at pregnancy, after birthing, and again in our forties. It feels like the whole world wants to stop us from growing or changing from being 16 and slender, svelte and shining with youth. But Meta-morphosis is part of life. The Change is part of life. You can row upstream if you want, but you'll only get exhausted quicker.

Wisdom for today: go with the flow, even if it's acceptance of being tired. Lie down at mid-day and nap. Take a cat nap after work. Sit in a comfy chair for 30 minutes and read while the laundry is being done in the washing machine. Instead of doing 4 things at once, do only one thing at a time. Rest your tired brain by focusing on one thing.

Make a fire and watch the flames.

Take up knitting, weaving, crocheting: these wise woman crafts help calm the mind and bring a trance-like peace to women in the 'pause'.

Dance like a wild woman, alone in your room, in front of a window, in front of a mirror.

Allow yourself to be the outrageous Meta-Woman that you are!

Sing out loud at the top of your lungs, and let the energy from your center circulate up and out.

Be well, changing woman,

musemother

Courage to face the dark

2008-01-05T12:13:00.000-05:00

"If we have the courage to face into the dark we may witness the slow epiphany or showing forth of the feminine" (Hall, The Moon and the Virgin, quoted from Wild Genie, A Pope)

Depression, feelings of lethargy, apathy, low energy, feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks- all of these conditions have hit me more strongly since I hit peri-menopause. I think menopause makes us extremely sensitive to our moods, and we can't just skip over them, pretend we're all right. The same as during our pre-menstrual time, feelings are amplified.

Alexandra Pope says this is a good thing (although a clinical depression needs serious treatment): "to sometimes feel empty and lost is a normal experience and a part of life. Of course you deserve to be joyously happy - I don't wish depression on anyone. But the more we run from such feelings the more monstrous and out of control they'll become. Because depression usually slows us down, even stops us altogether, it's the natural companion to ceaseless activity. Your down times are the doorway to exalted states -- with depression as your co-traveller you will also be able to experience great joy. "

She suggests that we take the risk of investigating these down times for the hidden gold: just like menstrual cramps, if you go with them, go into the pain instead of numbing it, you'll find their opposites come to you more easily.

"Cradle yourself" through this down time. "The Chinese believe that at menstruation a woman loses chi or essential energy" which may also explain the dip in mood.

We are cyclical beings - accept the dark of the moon days, and cherish yourself with comfort foods, warm blankets, heating pads. We can regenerate. We can be born again from the ashes of this discomfort. When I have a bad day, when all I see is dirt, darkness and demoralisation, I know I am in sad need of sleep, rest, and maybe a day alone watching the Rome series on TV, or reading some historical fiction (Diana Gabaldon, my newest discovery). The next day is invariably brighter. It always surprises me - I am fine, it was temporary. It did not take over my whole life. Pencil in a morning retreat time, take a hot bath.

I did need some professional help in peri-menopause,(to stop being so hard on myself) and saw a therapist regularly to get over some major trauma in my childhood life that was still hanging on. Talking and crying for a year released a lot of 'stuck energy'. Reiki treatments and massage, yoga and pilates also helped. Moving the body, listening to upbeat or soothing music - treating your tired self with kindness instead of getting out the whip - these are remedies we can give ourselves during menopause, and preparing for menopause.

"The more she disowns her despair the more it will rise up and bit her each time the period comes." Pope is a psychotherapist in practice, and writes from experience.

My own experience corroborates her advice: when your defences are down and the inner critic is attacking, retreat, rest and refuge are useful allies.

"If you can learn to ride the cyclical ups and downs with greater acceptance you'll develop an incredibly useful and resilient psychological muscle that will prepare you for any major life challenge. To go Up and Out into the world, you need to be able to go In and Down. "

Peri-menopause is a descent. Prepare the sails for a slackening wind. Let yourself drift without purpose, if necessary. The wind will pick up again. Listen within for your own truth at the bottom of the well.

namaste
musemother

Menopause and emotions

2008-01-03T19:51:00.002-05:00

I have been listening to a CD today by Dr. Christiane Northrup and Mona Lisa Shulz, both of whom write and speak about the connection between the body and our emotions, and subsequent illnesses or disruptions of health.

It becomes more and more apparent that the 'intuition' often works through the body. Especially as it relates to the feminine cycle of menstruation, PMS, pregnancy, birth, and peri-menopause.

So this is just a little reminder, if you are having strong physical and/or emotional symptoms around your menstrual cycle, PAY ATTENTION. The warnings may be subtle at first, maybe you don't understand the language, but try and tune in before the message gets louder and more painful.

I spoke with a sister of mine who swears by PMS herbal tea, that she buys here in Canada. She used to have severe symptoms at her period, until she started using this tea. It was worse before she took Depo Provera. After 2 years of bitchiness, a 20 lb weight gain and other discomforts, she went off the pill (which suppresses menstruation as well as provides contraception). She lost her period for a long time after she went off it, but it didn't suit her to try and trick the body into not menstruating.

The body uses a code, like dream language - often metaphorical or very literal. A pain in the neck. A feeling in my gut. Irritation in the vulva, where penetration occurs, signaling boundary issues. Lack of sleep and night sweats telling me I'm too hot, revved up, have to turn the motor off before adrenal exhaustion hits.

Another niece is working 7 days a week and wonders why her moods are so extreme, up and down, and severe cramps at her period. The female body is like the moon, not meant to shine full on 100% all month. we have down days, we have half-moon, quarter-moon and dark of the moon days. Give it a rest already!

I'm going to spend January reading up on the connection between intuition and the menstrual cycle, and I'll be dropping you some hints from my readings.

take care now, and have a peaceful new year,

jenn

Menopause as a rebirth

2007-12-10T09:49:00.001-05:00

Why am I writing about birth on my menopause blog? because once you've been down into the deep shadows, and spun your chrysalis/cocoon, and hibernated for a while, the ascent is like a new birth, a second life. And this involves a 'labour' phase.

There is not one day, or one moment that will demarcate the arrival but you feel the fragility of new wings, gossamer things, shiny in the sun. You feel the old self peeling away, the old attitudes, the old passions dying and the new ones being born.

If you are still in the 'bug soup' phase, where your will is hiding somewhere down around your ankles like pants without a belt, look up, and know that in the darkness wing buds have sprouted. A new you is on the way.

Your energy will return, you will be flying back into the light. Have patience.

A friend writes that her partner is in the 'throes' of miserable sleepless nights and overwhelmed with everything stressful (may I suggest homeopathy? it helps). I know it's a hard phase to go through, but it's just the labour pains. It's all about travelling into the labyrinth of the birth tunnel, and soon you will be up and out the other side.

It is a rite of passage. It is difficult. But it is worth hanging in there. Get the medical help you need, whether it be acupuncture or herbs or hormones. Read up, get knowledgeable, talk with other 'elders' who have been there.

Note that this is an important time, just like menarche and pregnancy/birth: it is a major phase of your initiation into your Self. It has been ignored, and women have been kept in the dark about it's momentous changes and the growth it brings. It is worthy of ritual.

The menstrual cycle in women is our stress barometer, according to Alexander Pope, a woman who writes wonderfully about this in The Wild Genie, and A woman's quest. So it is perfectly normal that during menopause, we start to notice what stresses us even more. We are finely tuned beings, built for ecstacy, joy, serenity and enjoyment. We cannot tolerate being out of balance anymore. Our bodies and our psyches seek balance.

Heed the messages for rest, and more rest. Slowing down is imperative. Don't wait for a major illness or accident to do it for you.

In the middle of transition during childbirth, it is not time to get up and run around, or pretend you don't know what is going on. Stay focused on the new woman being born. Stay with your center, with your new self arriving, stay in the present as much as possible.

God's little birthing machine is turning herself inside out and being reborn.

Maybe that's what Christmas is heralding this year, your own Hallelujah moment!

trust your inner tuning,
be well,
jenn

In My Ideal Birth

2007-12-05T21:10:00.001-05:00

In my ideal birth I am noisy.
I labour long, walk up and down, heave my bulk over the chair,
the bed, lean over the nearest available object
at the right height (even if it’s a toilet seat).
In my ideal birth I can groan weep laugh be held
be massaged nurtured
mothered as I become mother.

In my ideal birth there are no machines.
No doctors, no medical emergencies, just a child
in meditation upside down
in my womb and a long slow process of welcoming
her into the world.

In my ideal birth, there are patient people willing to rub my back.
There are people that I love.
There are very few people.
There is no hurried young resident breaking my water,
there is no harried nurse hooking me up to oxytocin drip,
there is no fear of labour. There is no premature
stripping of anything, let alone a cervix.

In my ideal birth, I am monitoring my own rhythms.
I am breathing hard.
I am pushing beautifully when I feel the urge.
I am not told it is not time, the doctor’s not here yet.
I am ready when I am ready and there is no time limit.

In my ideal birth, there are wise women.
They trust my body,
ad I trust my body, God’s
little birthing machine.

stories from the front

2007-12-03T11:10:00.000-05:00

"There was a woman I knew during my teen years who one morning abandoned her family and stayed at her mother's for a period of weeks. This was unheard of. I didn't know of another such case. She was loving, kind, an excellent mother, active in the church, highly regarded by everyone. In fact, I think it's safe to say her family was our town's model family. One explanation was whispering hotly around. The woman was going through her change. I overheard my mother and my aunts before they noticed me listening. Later, when we were alone, my mother attempted to appease my curiosity by explaining that some women, even the most respectable and charming, when going 'through the change' went a big mad."

from An Indiscreet Thing, by Miki Nilan in Women of the 14th moon editors Dena Taylor/Amber Coverdale Sumrall

I'd have to add, sometimes it's the most respectable ones who need to get away the most, find their inner wild woman, as Clarissa Pinkola Estes might say.

I spent the last 5-6 years wishing I could get away all the time. I didn't understand it. I was afraid of doing anything about it. It was a yearning so deep I thought it might be a call to divorcing my family, but I didn't want to do that. I saw a therapist for a while to help me sort things out.

Peri-menopause is actually where the angst is. Once you hit menopause, something calms, at least for me. Once you listen to the voice calling for change, and really listen deeply to see what it is asking of you, and then make steps even though the path is unclear, the inner angst lessens.

What did I do about the need to get away? At first I was writing stories about women who were facing this dilemna, who woke up one morning and wanted to follow the wild geese flying south. I listened to Joni Mitchell's song, sometimes I feel like going (can't remember words exactly) and I'd cry every time. It was about seasons and a woman who needed to move on in her life.

I did get away on retreats as often as I could leave my children. My friends were always asking J, my husband, where has she gone this time? and inviting him over to supper, as if he had been abandoned. They have gotten used to my leaving for meditation and yoga retreats, singing with my choir retreats, workshops on writing, or singing. Sometimes it's a 3-day weekend in Vermont or Massachusetts. Sometimes it's 10 days in Amaroo, in Australia, a very magical place with a special teacher of mine.

Sometimes it's a weekend in Fort Lauderdale, and sometimes I even bring the family along, like the time we spend a February weekend in New York. While they did sightseeing, I was in a poetry workshop. My teens were actually loving visiting boutique hotels and trendy architecture!

So I started just writing about it and complaining to my on-line writer's class at http://www.writers.com/ that I couldn't leave but I needed to get away, be by myself. One wise woman said, Leave, and come back again.

So that's what I've been doing, once or twice a year. My kids have learned to heat up frozen meals, my husband has even started cooking dinner once a week on weekends. They survive without me. When they were littler, I hired babysitters, dog sitters, whatever was necessary since grandparents were either not close by or not in shape to care for wee ones.

Bottom line ladies, you heed the call, or feel like you're going crazy. You do not have to 'up and leave em' all of a sudden. Just get them used to handling the house without you. Show them where the laundry soap is, and how to find stuff in the back of the fridge. Let the house get a little messy while you're away. It's worth it.

The bumpy parts will smooth out. The sisterhood of other women helps immensely.

safe journey,
musemother

Stripping of a woman on the cusp of menopause

2007-11-30T09:42:00.002-05:00

If only she could, she would pick up her arms
and give them to her children, her heart to her husband,
her womb to her daughter, but all her parts are ailing,
lying on the floor awaiting rejuvenation. She lies still,
receiving breath, broken down to basic particles.
What to do on the days when tears drop into her soup?
It’s ok to be sad and do nothing on the list, she thinks,
Except the simple tasks like laundry,
except read poetry. What better refuge…
Maybe that’s where poems come from, and for,
to remind us there is something else to do
than the ‘to do’ list –
the soul cries for meaning.

She reads “Trees lose parts of themselves inside a circle of fog” (*by Francis Ponge)
It sounds like the stripping of a woman at menopause,
in the years leading up to the full withholding of the monthly blood,
she has shed her leaves, lost muscle strength, put on weight,
absorbed moisture before the season of dryness,
felt as if she has water on the brain,
disconnected and disoriented by the shift in hormones
waking her up at night and putting other parts of her to sleep.

She is not out to pasture yet, but the young colts no longer bolt
from her body or frolic at her side. She is slowing down.
And if she doesn’t allow herself to rest, she is brought to her knees
in a wave of heat and tears, unable to juggle her roles,
nor exchange the chef’s hat for the sombrero,
Her feet fell heavy and her mind dull.
She tells herself, it is temporary, like fall and the cold.
Brisk winds will return her to spring’s green time,
but only after she has lain fallow, composting
her leafy spices, at the end of a cycle.

Oh the music she needs to comfort her,
and the long night she’ll travel through for years,
until the bright sunlight reclaims her.
Then her wisdom is as legion as the new yellow-green leaves
waving on the hill at dawn.

Human, faulty, imperfect, no more striving for anything,
except for compassion,
the need for self-love reverberating
like the hum she hears in Leonard Cohen’s voice,
claiming darkness as its source
it rings true, full of light.

@Jennifer Boire

Menopause poetry

2007-11-23T18:11:00.001-05:00

Cross Currents

by Noelle Sickels

The moon's choreography
is less reliable now.
Unlike the obedient tides
my body chooses its own tempo,
sways out of rhythm
then drifts in step again
for a measure or two.

It surprises my attention.
I had forgotten this last bend
in the yawing currents;
Did not expect as much drama
as at the beginning,
when childhood washed away
like an unguarded doll
at the water's edge;
Or in the middle,
when all of me swelled
with the briny broth
of a stranger's life.
Now, again, I search the mirror,
hunt for how my face reveals
the changing course within.

People say I do not look my age,
as if I'd won a prize.
They say I am too young
to parenthesize the moon.
I can not always say I do not like
what people say;
do not, some days, want
to conjure back the blood,
rejoin the familiar round.
do not, like a lone sailor
in a cloud-thick night
long to drop anchor
and forget the creaking tiller
the unknown destination
the shape of undreamt shores.

Something to Look Forward To

Menopause -- word used as an insult:
a menopausal woman, mind or poem
as if not to leak regularly or on the caprice
of the moon, the collision of egg and sperm,
were the curse we first learned to call that blood.

I have twisted myself to praise that bright splash.
When my womb opens its lips on the full
or dark of the moon, that connection
aligns me as it does the sea. I quiver,
a compass needle thrilling with magnetism.

Yet for every celebration there's the time
it starts on a jet with the seatbelt sign on.
Consider the trail of red amoebae
crawling onto hostess's sheets to signal
my body's disregard of calendar, clock.

How often halfway up the side of a mountain,
during a demonstration with the tactical police
force drawn up in tanks between me and a toilet;
during an endless wind machine panel with four males
I the token woman and they with iron bladders

I have felt that wetness and wanted to strangle
my womb like a mouse. Sometimes it feels cosmic
and sometimes it feels like mud. Yes, I have prayed
to my blood on my knees in toilet stalls
simply to show its rainbow of deliverance.

My friend Penny at twelve, being handed a napkin
the size of an ironing board cover, cried out
Do I have to do this from now till I die?
No, said her mother, it stops in middle age.
Good, said Penny, there's something to look forward to.

Today supine, groaning with demon crab claws
gouging my belly, I tell you I will secretly dance
and pour out a cup of wine on the earth
when time stops that leak permanently;
I will burn my last tampons as votive candles.

- Marge Piercy

read them again!
aren't they great....
musemother
ps thanks to Lynn for the second one

My body

2007-11-19T17:55:00.001-05:00

He’s coming in for that flying hug.
These are mine, he says,
Put them on my body.
(If I hadn’t weaned him, he’d still be rooting for milk.)

My three-year-old girl takes a shower with me, plants
a kiss on my nipple as I lean to dry my feet.
At bedtime she wants to snuggle too, just like
her older brother. He’s intense as a lover
claiming his own. She only plays at owning my body.
She lifts my right breast out of my nightgown, places
her lips around the long nipple, sucks
for a second, until I pull away, surprised
at the warm mouth sensation.

I think of Artemis of the many-hundred breasts.
Our mother hunger is bottomless,
no flesh & blood could fill the void.

Guess how much I love you?
Thirty times around the house &
all the way to China, says Katie,
my little girl
who is not mine, but water
through my fingers.

How I love to feel her solid
weight on my breast.

from Angel in the House poems series
@ Jennifer Boire

Bitch Goddess

2007-11-16T11:27:00.001-05:00

Bitch goddess

how she snarls at the moon!

tail bone high,
she raises her hindquarters to the wind
howls to the four directions, claiming

her Space

warns me, if I don’t listen to her
yelping & crying
she’ll tear me apart with her teeth.

I’m learning a healthy respect,
let her sniff my palms, and crotch.
she scares my angelic side, with her dirty paws –

get down! I want to yell,
go take a bath.

but she is getting down in the desert dust,
rolling, getting an itch out.

she invites me down on all fours,
knees to the dirt
(my pretty white leggings stained).

But soon I’m wagging my butt
& howling, too.

What is peri-menopause?

2007-11-06T14:07:00.001-05:00

I keep running into women who wonder if they are in peri-menopause, whether they are 47 or 51, and who think their doctors will let them know, or a blood test. Is it a matter of keeping the balance of estrogen and progesterone? Is there a way to know if it's officially begun?

Usually it starts quite simply. At least in my case, it began with a few heat rays zooming up and down my spine, before I even knew what a hot flash was. Somewhere in my mid-40's I think.
Plus my doctor, after age 40, had told me your ovulation will begin any time after your period, even the next day, so be careful with birth control. It won't follow the same pattern. So I was on the look-out way before it began.

I think it took til age 45 before any major disruption in my period began, maybe even closer to 49, when all hell broke loose. No, that's not true. I started noticing PMS lasted longer and longer, until it was half the month. At ovulation, I was having sharp attacks of irritability lasting only a day or so. And some spotting in between periods, before they began skipping a month here and there in random order. Then six months in a row. Then 2 more periods. Heavy cleansing ones.

Insomnia was a given, but that had been more or less present since having kids. Every night was musical beds practically, because whenever my daughter had a bad dream or needed company she'd end up in my bed, I'd move into the guest room, and so on.

At age 50, my daughter finally grew out of needing me at night, and I began the 13-month period of no menses. After the 13th month, at age 51, I was officially menopausal. I still get night sweats after too much red wine, or hot flashes occasionally, but rarely. It seems in my case to be related to liver function.

I think the best thing I ever did was see a therapist at one point, to talk about my emotional turbulence and roller coaster of hi's and lo's. A lot of tears later, my PMS had shrunk to a manageable period. And my heart seemed lighter. There's a song of Lhassa's (spanish Montreal singer) that goes, "my head was full, but my heart still wanted more" (rough translation). That's how peri-menopause was - a labryrinth in the dark, turning in circles, not knowing what I wanted any more, but sure that I wasn't getting it. Needing time alone, time away, time for just me. In spite of everything on the outside being just fine, family-work-home wise.

But we are all different. Just talking to my sister Sue (hi Sue) in England, who is 2 years younger, and still going through peri-menopause. For her, progesterone cream works. She had chronic fatigue, and adrenal exhaustion, and progresterone helped her through that. High estrogen, like the Promensil (red clover supplement) I was taking for hot flashes, wouldn't have helped.

I guess the bottom line is, listen to your symptoms, get medical advice, use your google search function, and just know that everybody is different - there is no one panacea. Rest, good food, exercise, all the common sense healers are usually a safe place to start. It may be relatively smooth for you, who knows.

I really recommend the women doctors at http://www.womentowomen.com/ as an excellent resource, with articles on all the possible symptoms and how to remedy them.

happy November, Scorpio babies!
jenn

Intuition and Menstrual cycle

2007-10-29T20:11:00.001-04:00

I know I've been writing a lot about intuition lately, but I just found a really great article about the link between intuition and the menstrual cycle (and menopause too).

Some days I am definitely moving too fast to appreciate all the help that is whispered my way, but some days I sit back and watch the coincidences and synchronicities fire up and blow me away.

You are not crazy if you believe in a mysterious power that helps you move towards what needs to happen in a day. And if you pay attention, you may find there's a link between your cycle (if you have one, and yes, even after menopause I seem to have one) and your inner knowing.

Here's an excerpt from a brilliant article by Alexandra Pope, that popped up after a search on google:

"The stress sensitive barometer in women, the menstrual cycle is an exquisite system for sensing both physical and psychological wellbeing. Menstruation is an initiatory moment. Women can potentially open to a highly charged altered state, giving them access to a singular kind of power - the power of self awareness, deep feeling, knowingness, intuition. A power that matures over time with each cycle.

Most women might find it strange to talk of the menstrual cycle and menstruation as useful and powerful beyond its baby making function. This is not surprising. Too long we have been tyrannised around our bodies. To get anywhere professionally we've had to deny the life of our uteruses and silence our emotional authority for fear it would be labelled as 'losing it' or 'not rational', in other words not intelligent. T

he word 'hysteria' comes from the Greek for womb, hustera. Our wombs were seen as unstable organs, making us unstable. Whilst medical science has moved on from those fifteenth century notions, in today's atmosphere there still lingers a feeling that women are essentially unpredictable and unreliable beings because of the menstrual cycle.

No wonder women have needed to tread carefully when drawing from an authority that was not of the intellect. An authority coming instead from a knowingness, from the fullness of our senses and sensual nature. It is only in recent years that emotions have gained some currency. Emotional intelligence is a frequently used phrase today now that Science (male) has come up with the "hard" evidence making Emotions (female) respectable!" from an article on http://www.mum.org/articles. or at http://www.wildgenie.com/, Pope's own web site.

I've just ordered her books, A Woman's Quest. Now you know why this site is named 'questinggirl', because it has been a quest for information, a journey towards knowing, and not just guessing, at what a wonderful system we have within us. Who knew that a menstrual cycle was something other than a pain and a bother.

Especially now, with millions of women numbing their hormonal wisdom with the Pill, and even taking it continuously so as never to menstruate, there is a real urgency to getting this Feminine Knowledge out there! So spread the words, ladies. Our cycle is not to be played with, denied, doped up, or dallied with.

Even in your most peri-menopausal moment, remember the Blessing, and not the curse.

namaste,
musemother aka jenn

Descent into Menopause

2007-10-22T13:40:00.001-04:00

previously posted at musemother on Tuesday, September 11, 2007

For any of you interested in a Jungian approach to menopause, I recommend reading Descent to the Goddess, A way of Initiation for Women, by Sylvia Brinton Perera. She analyzes the myth of Inanna, (before Ishtar, middle-eastern) in psychological terms, and describes it as a story of modern woman's quest for wholeness.

Perera's theory is that we who are 'daughters of the father', well adapted to a masculine world, have repudiated or repressed our full feminine instincts and energies. And that in this 'stripping down' or descent to the underworld, we find healing.

The story of Inanna is a fascinating on its own, as it is the oldest written myth (on clay tablets) of a feminine divine power, known as Queen of Heaven and Earth in ancient Sumer (5,000 years ago.) I read this book through the worst year of my peri-menopausal descent, which I described to myself as the 'bug soup' stage, when the feeling of melt-down, loss of power and energy, mild depression, weeping, and general upside-downness, took over.

Here is a short excerpt from the book: "The basis of women's experience of childbearing and of all blood mysteries that create and maintain life is that Nothing changes or grows without the food of some other sacrifice. ....the myth of Inanna's descent and return is centered on this archetype of exchanging energy though sacrifice. ...She needs to sacrifice her dependence on the patriarchal gods to find her true home in the feminine ground of being.

"What I have seen in myself and other women who are successful daughters of the collective, often unmothered daughters of the animus and the patriarchy, is that we suffer a basic fault. We do not have an adequate sense of our own ground nor connection to our own embodied strength and needs adequate to provide is with a resilient feminine, balanced yin-yang processual ego....there is a deep split, maintained by loyalty to super-ego ideals that no longer function to enhance life, a loyalty that keeps the ego alienated from reality....thus we need to undergo a descent to the underworld levels of the dark goddess (Erishkigal), back to ourselves before we had the form we know, back to the magic and archaic levels of consciousness ...back to the body-mind and the preverbal tomb-womb states, searching back to the deep feminine, the 'dual mother' Jung writes about.

On the way down we shed the identifications with and the defences against the animus, introverting to initially humiliating and devastating but ultimately safe, primal levels. (awaiting rebirth). ...We feel as if the old meanings are loosened, as if we are suspended out of life, without energy.

What helps: "Creative improvisions, touching, holding, sounding and singing, silence, breathing, nonverbal actions like drawing, sandplay, building with clay or blocks, dancing, ... maternally nurturant and companioning behavior....the descent to the earth, the darkness is the yin way. Like Inanna, we must submit, going into the deep, to allow the transformative mystery to take place."

I know, this is heavy stuff, and written in Jungian jargon. However, read between the lines. Some of us have some deep healing to do, some of us can benefit from therapy, and some of us just need to loosen up and play more. Less book knowledge and more body knowledge. Less ego ideals and more feeling ideals. Less 'overarching boss of everything' mode, and more 'tend and befriend' mode.

This is just a hint of what the transformative process is like. It's not everybody's journey, but enough of the women I know have been through burn-out, depression, divorce and major health challenges in their mid-40's, for me to recognize the truth of this part of the journey. For me, it started just before my father died, and it's taken me from age 47 to 52 (about 5 years), to come up for air. But now, I feel the cocoon splitting open, and my damp wings are scintillating in the sun. My energy has returned, and I feel closer to the Queen of Heaven, than to the Queen of the Underworld.

have a compassionate self-care day
musemother

Feminine Mysteries and Menopause

2007-10-22T13:36:00.002-04:00

Long ago and far away, women knew their place in the universe. In a far off mythical land (that may actually have existed), women knew that their bodies were part of the creative plan for the universe. Young women were initiated into the 'mysteries' of creative spirit through various religious ceremonies.

Rituals centered around the cycles of women's blood, when they were fertile, when they were not, when they were in phase with the moon; the success of planting and agricultural crops all depended on this relation that women had with the moon.

Menopause is the third of the three initiatory phases for women. The first being menarche, the second pregnancy and birth. In menopause, something sacred and mysterious also happens. The women stop being fertile, they stop menstruating, they hold their blood inside them.

Scientists may see menopause solely as a bodily function, but menopause also has a spiritual and psychological function. It is a journey of moving inward. The problem is that “most women have …forgotten that such a place exists", according to Kristi Meisenbach Boylan in her book The Seven Sacred Rites of Menopause (Santa Monica Press, 2000).

"For the past quarter of a century they’ve practiced self-denial, self-control and self-discipline to the point of having very little self at all.” Their inner lives may have atrophied as they worked hard, raised families, and done volunteer work, running themselves into the ground with being too busy to take care of themselves.

“Once she has given all that she has to give, the outward will convince her to give more, even if it means giving up breathing. That is why women break down around the time of menopause, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.”

She says there are many stages of peri-menopause, and they are all about getting to know yourself from the inside, and learning how to draw boundaries so that your energy is not sucked dry. “Once a woman masters the ritual of holding the blood within, she intuitively knows when to release her spirit and gifts to the world and when not to. She learns this from the wise-woman who she is now one with.”

The cessation of menses is a liberating time, but also a time for grieving. Maternal instincts may unexpectedly surface, the biological clock has ticked away. This is a necessary loss that must be grieved. However, the good news is, she becomes electrically charged by holding this blood within. New ideas, new projects pop into her head left and right. Depression lifts, anxiety passes, she is sharper mentally, physically and spiritually than ever before.

“It’s as if they suddenly wake up and remember that they left something simmering on the back burner. This is when the menopausal moth emerges from the chrysalis as a butterfly.” (but in my experience, what comes before is the bug soup period, the messy meltdown: fuzzy thinking, hot flashes and insomnia, lack of focus, lack of confidence, feeling like jello).

Now, in her butterfly phase, she learns to speak it like it is. An older woman can tell it like it is until it hurts. And she develops an intolerance for injustice. She sees the truth, and gets her power back. She learns the ability to say NO and mean it.I think you will enjoy this book, which uses the myth of Avalon as a metaphor for the withdrawal into inner realms.namaste,musemother

book link: http://www.ipgbook.com/showbook.cfm?bookid=1891661132&userid=3E92D4DA-803F-2B7A-7005BFB6C66E0F2C

link to the Independent Publishers Group page for The Seven Sacred Rites of Menopause

Menopause and Yoga

2007-10-18T13:53:00.000-04:00

originally written May 16, 2007

Menopause - the Yogini's Wisdom Way

I have kept a copy of this article - Menopause the Yoga Way - since 1996. Must have been saving it for a future date - that's almost ten years ago. I was peri-menopausal then, and now I haven't had a period in 2 1/2 years.

This morning in Yoga class, I was lying on my mat during relaxation pose, and just before briefly drifting off to sleep, I remembered the article, and looked up the benefits yoga can bring to a tired middle-aged body.

"Many prominent yoga teachers agree that the practice of yoga not only alleviates the disruptive physical aspects of the menopausal years, but facilitates a spiritual alignment that inspires women to accept and nourish this inevitable change of life. Menopause, they say, can be profoundly empowering if encountered as a spiritual adventure and opportunity." (from article by Ellen Sander, Yoga Journal Issue 126 Feb 1996)

I am not quite a yogini yet, but I'm interested in whatever offers empowerment. I have practiced gentle yoga for over 10 years and still feel like a beginner. Beginner's mind is what the Zen teachers tell us we need to have, so I guess I'm in the right place. With yoga, I am still a baby, even if my body has turned 52 years old. Yoga is a godsend for my aching joints, stiffening hips and bursitic shoulders, as long as I don't overdo it. That's why I stick to the gentle yoga, not the vigorous ashtanga varieties.

If you're interested in a natural approach to menopause, you might check out the benefits from yoga postures: it's been proven to balance the endocrine system, and smooth out hormonal and glandular changes. Postures such as shoulder stands and forward bends have a calming, cooling effect to counter hot flashes and bring fresh oxygen to your blood. (downward dog, half-dog pose, corpse pose are also mentioned)

Joint mobility increases with the gentle stretching of yoga, and yogic breathing and focused meditation can tone and soothe the nervous system. Yoga asanas can lower blood pressure and heart rate, release muscular tension, improve sleep and reduce fatigue.

Susun Weed, quoted in the above-mentioned article, suggests menopausal women could benefit from an hour or more of yoga or t'ai chi a week. It is also an excellent weight bearing exercise to help prevent osteoporosis, and stops height loss by ensuring the disc spaces between vertebrae remain supple. She also recommends women in peri-menopause gain up to a pound a year, as a natural protection against thinning bones (you store excess estrogen in your fat cells). Imagine being comfortable with a little more roundness on your figure!

As for me, after my hour-long class this morning, I felt rested, relaxed and calm, my normal restless, anxious state soothed, my head clear and focussed, ready to embark on another busy day of errands, appointments and web site editing (a volunteer job I am currently doing for http://www.wordsofpeace.ca/).

It made me want to spread the good news - that being grounded in the breath and moving with the body in yoga is an easy antidote to menopausal symptoms. Again, the menopausal message is all about self-care:

"When a child is going through puberty, we're patient with her. In menopause you have to be patient with yourself. Women should realize this change is normal and natural and give ourselves some time to be quiet. It's a time to relook at your life. your life is going to be totally different. You're not as involved with your family: you need to be more involved with taking of yourself." (Yoga Journal article)

So lovely ladies, love yourself, love your bones, love your round curves, your dolphin thighs, your menopausal bellies. Help yourself to a little soft space to breathe in.

What I wish for you: peace in the belly, as well as peace in the heart

:)luv

musemother

Breast Cancer and Self-Care

2007-10-18T11:27:00.001-04:00

"Breasts are the physical metaphor for giving and receiving. In ancient times they symbolized nature's abundance and nurturing qualities." Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

Recently I read an article about breast cancer in La Presse, a Montreal newspaper. One survivor said her top priority now is self-care, taking time for herself, making it a priority to put herself first.

How opposite this is to the messages I received growing up in a Christian household!

It seems to run counter to our very upbringing as women and mothers: taught to serve others and put their needs first, to make sure all is well with everyone else, often sacrificing meals, rest, small pleasures like reading, sewing or singing, to ensure this external 'peace' and wellness is there in a household.

However, it always backfires if your own tank is empty, running low on the fuel of self love and nurturance.

Dr. Christiane Northrup in her book, Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom, has a chapter on Breasts and how to take care of them. Also, some important information about the message behind the physical symptoms.

"Approximately half of all women who go to doctors go because they have some kind of pain in their breasts. " She states that cyclic mastalgia or breast pain that comes and goes depending on the menstrual cycle is usually caused by excess hormones, excess caffeine or stress. It is not a risk factor for breast cancer.

She quotes a colleague who wonders why women have so much breast pain: "Have you noticed that men never complain about pain in their testicals, but that women are always complaining about pain in their breasts and even their ovaries? do you suppose it's because men know that if they complained, someone would want to cut into them?"

Dr. Northrup continues, "If women learned how their inner guidance is advising them through breast symptoms to give more time and energy to themselves, they might begin to appreciate their breasts in a different way."

Breast cancer is a sign that something is out of balance - probably toxins and pesticides contribute, birth control pills and estrogen replacement have been pointed at, our fatty diets don't help, even genetics play a part. Dr. Northrup gives a few case histories about women who made different decisions about treatments, but in the end, she points to the fact that a woman needs to take stock of her life, as well as whatever treatment she undergoes, to also do some inner reflecting, join a support group, and find out where in her life the balance of give and take needs adjusting.

What are your breasts saying to you, today? Don't wait for a major scare to pay attention.

Love them, handle them with care, and listen to their message about self-care.

luv
musemother
October is Breast Cancer month.

Intuition Growing

2007-10-09T12:56:00.002-04:00

It's a slow learning curve for most of us, who've been trained to read only the outward signs for information on what to do, where to go, who to trust, what's next.

From my understanding, intuition is always the still small voice that sees ahead, knows all, and is trustworthy. Why didn't I bring the camera? I had an urge to, not knowing why I would need it, and I didn't listen, is the kind of thing that happens regularly. Or, so glad I brought the sunglasses, even if it was cloudy out this morning. Now the setting sun is blinding me on the drive home and I'm glad I have my shades.

But this voice is pretty quiet, hides under the rug, and when I'm moving too fast, I miss it.

Here's some tips I picked up from The Seat of the Soul (Gary Zukav) about growing intuition:

Wise and compassionate guidance is always available to us, loving guidance that assists our growth. You could call them 'messages from the soul'.

Step one to developing awareness: become aware of what you are feeling. Through your emotions you encounter 'the force field of your own soul'.

2. Ask the Universe for help to see clearly, i.e. Why do I feel this way? Does my experience support my suspicion or lack of trust?

3. Help will come, but answers are not always in the form we expect. It could be a feeling, a memory or thought that seems random, a dream or something that happens the next day.

Ask and you shall receive is the rule.

4. To engage and discipline the intuition: honour emotional cleansing at all times because blockage makes us negative and diseased. When you are clear, you become lighter, more open to intuitive track, closer to a sense of loving. So clear yourself every day of emotional impacts, unfinished business.

5. A cleansing nutritional program - eating the right foods for your body keeps you clear too.

6. Honor guidance you receive, learn to respond. Be willing to hear what intuition says and act accordingly.

7. Allow an orientation of openness towards life and the Universe, a sense of faith and trust that there is always a reason why things are happening. The Universe is compassionate and good.

"Intuition is perception beyond the physical sense that is meant to assist you."

These hunches about danger help you survive, know where it is safe to walk, where not. It also serves creativity and helps you find clues for working on a project. It serves inspiration, bringing sudden answers to a question, meaning that appears in the fog of confusion, light in the dark. It's like a dialogue between your higher self (soul) and your personality.

So let the creative team up there help you, while you pull data from the mind, heart and intuition.

This is related to menstruation and menopause in that women at their bleeding time and pre-menstrually, can be more in tune with their inner guidance, if they give themselves permission to rest, go slow, dream, and pay attention. Menopausal women, according to Christiane Northrup, MD are having their brains rewired to tune into those higher frequencies and get in touch with their 'women's wisdom'.

But I believe we can all learn to develop this side of ourselves, men and women.

So let your soul guide you, as Sting says.

musemother

Thanksgiving in October

2007-10-05T09:23:00.000-04:00

Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend, and the trees are blazing red in my back yard.

I feel the call to poetry, because nothing else reminds me how it feels to walk in sunshine with an empty head, and a full heart; to give thanks for birds hopping on a branch, for sunlight through leaves, for the smell kicked up by my shoes in those leaves.

Denise Levertov is one of my early discoveries when I went back to school at age 30 to learn poetry. I heard her read once at McGill and approached her with tears in my eyes to thank her for sharing her words and her heart with us.

Living

The fire in leaf and grass
so green it seems
each summer the last summer.

The wind blowing, the leaves
shivering in the sun,
each day the last day.

A red salamander
so cold and so
easy to catch, dreamily

moves his delicate feet
and long tail. I hold
my hand open for him to go.

Each minute the last minute.

Denise Levertov

And that is what I felt yesterday walking in the green field of grass with golden heat on my shoulders. Breathe it in, today is like the last day. News of 3 deaths and one good friend with multiple cancers may have brought it home: my neighbour, of prostate cancer, passed last Saturday; my sister's best friend lost her newly found love, at 42, to a heart attack. My therapist of a few years back I just learned has a brain tumour and lung cancer at the same time.

I feel very grateful this day, to be alive, to be enjoying and appreciating. This day.

nameste
musemother

Breathing deeply

2007-10-01T14:12:00.001-04:00

The phone rings, you jump out of bed, before you're even dressed or showered there is the list of things to do, the daily monster.

You hop on the computer, read your emails, remember you haven't fed the cats, run downstairs.Have a cup of tea, throw some waffles in the toaster, run back to answer that email you left open.

Once back upstairs, you see yourself in the mirror, hair uncombed, pyjamas on, and remember you wanted to do some yoga before you started your day. It's already 9:30 a.m. The day began a long time ago.

Sigh.....in the middle of my 'to do' list and the course work I want to write about, there is also the weekly blog. And I have no new insights or inspiration this afternoon, (what, already 2:00 pm?) except that life is flying by to quickly.

I did stop and do some yoga and some breathing work, because my stomach was tight and achy and anxiety was kicking in.

The only remedy I know is the STOP technique. Stop, think, organize and proceed. When I get too panicky and running wild and scattered, it's hard to feel satisfied at the end of the day.

Better to stop, breathe, find my center, and flow with the universe once again.

The list is like a genie, threatening to cut your head off if you don't give it another command - Do this, make that, call here, go there. It keeps us running all day. Keep the genie busy climbing the pole of your breath, up and down, while you get the real work done.

So breathe deeply, friends, that's my clue for today.

musemother (as posted on musemother blog)

The Secret of conscious intention

2007-09-24T11:35:00.001-04:00

The last few years of peri-menopausal life (and menopause) have been full of ups and downs. Many books and lots of reading have helped me find clues to how to stay balanced and centered> most of the them focused on finding healthy living, healthy habits.

But the major source of clarity I've found has come from listening to my self, and taking my signals seriously. This demands a certain amount of quiet time, for downloading inner wisdom. Here's a little bit of help I found from Gary Zukav in his book, The Seat of the Soul. It works along the same lines as The Secret, which many millions have seen or read by now.

A thought is energy or light that has been shaped by consciousness. (Ok, that makes sense).

You are not a static system. You are a dynamic being of light...the light that flows through your system is Universal Energy...You give that light form - what you feel, think, how you behave...reflects the way you are shaping the light that is flowing through you. (still with me?)

Intention is the use of your will. You use the laser light of your focus, your whole personality to make choices. When you have conflicting intentions, you'll be torn in two because both dynamics oppose each other. If you are not aware of your intentions, the strongest will win.

A splintered personality struggles with itself, is not conscious of all parts of itself and lives in fear of those aspects that threaten that it seeks.

When we are in need of healing, we can intentionally treat ourselves with compassion.

So the upshot of this for menopausal women is that we feel lots of opposing forces at work, causing us to be drained emotionally and physically. The best solution I have found is to spend some time alone, resting, recouping and getting back in touch with my Light; then my focus and true intention can surface (not what society, or other people intend for us, but what we truly desire). This is my own unscientific observation of myself and those close to me going through menopause.

One day this summer I sat and wrote:

A woman's core essence
feeling above all, yet
thinking in the light
that includes myself and others:

what do I have to show for?
what do I receive, and give?
what silence will teach me?
what quiet mind will fill me with?
what listens at the bottom of the well
like a soul?
what lies in the movement of water
at the bottom of silence
what silences my core, essence of me
what listens to my core, silent
what receives me, in my core of silence
where I am,
where I am received, there I am
full of silence and feeling
complete.

luv
musemother

Transformative phase

2007-09-12T18:49:00.001-04:00

Bug soup

Inside the chrysalis
the transforming cocoon place,
low-lying renewal space,
melting is going on.

Before muscle and wing,
Before the colour and deft flight,
poor caterpillar reduced to liquid mess.

At 49, awaiting the end of bleeding
I laid low and felt my muscles liquefy,
All my energy turned inward.
No more dizzy crawling, running and doing.

Just rest
And more rest,
naps in the afternoon.

Until my beautiful wings began to grow
surround me with rainbow reflections.

Sunshine called me out.
We dried our flimsy wet things
and took off.

@Jennifer Boire

Creating Sacred Space

2007-09-10T10:19:00.001-04:00

Not every woman can afford to isolate herself during her period, due to the nature of our active lives and the daily demands on us. But what we can do is envision for ourselves an inner temple, build a sacred space that we carry with us into our day, whether with family, at work, or social events. This is a useful technique for women undergoing peri-menopause, when periods start to get irregular, and hormonal changes bring hot flashes, palpitations and night sweats.

During peri-menopause, I gained a new appreciation for the complex physical and emotional dimensions of my period. I started taking more naps, feeling the need for more quiet time.

Making time to be alone is not easy, so use this visualization technique to create a space of protection for your inner feminine realm. The portable moon lodge allows you to maintain a deep inner connection to your body, and establish a feeling of sacred space. It’s a useful technique for centering yourself while in an activity. You will feel different when you listen and honor your body-mind connection rather than denying your cycle and or it's disruptions.

Be aware that this part of your cycle is a cleansing time, a special time to release energies from the past month, and bring about a profound sense of renewal. Here's how to create the sacred space you need, even on the go:

1. With your mind, spin a protective veil or shawl around you and imagine an indigo blue mist as an energy curtain that separates you from the outer world.

2. See the blue light circle you and stretch out four feet in all directions. Breathe in the cool colour, which magically deters all energies you want to keep away. Allow the quiet to envelope and soothe you. You are in your retreat space, a space of intention within your own Moon Temple.

3. In this moment, feel gratitude and appreciation for your body and its ability to cycle. Feel your own rhythm. Even if you experience cramps, fatigue or discomfort, summon the wise woman within and stay grounded in appreciation for your body. Know that the body always moves toward healing and regeneration, and that the energy of appreciation is healing and restoring.

4. Awaken to inner listening – what does your body need? This is your sacred duty, to remain grounded, with the body, aware.

5. In contrast, remember a time when during some intense activity you ignored the needs of your body, whether thirst, hunger or discomfort. You wanted to finish one more email, complete a report, engage in a conversation. Hours passed and you ignored the simple body needs of your physical being. Ask yourself, is that ragged, tired feeling what you really want to create for yourself, or model for your daughters and sons?

6. Now, focus within, while you are mindful of daily activities. It is your job to hold your energy tightly around you and not allow it to leak out. If, with your strong desire you envision containing sacred space, the universal forces will line up in support. Maybe you’ll end up having lunch alone, or skipping a stressful meeting.

7. Feel the nourishing feeling of self-care, in spite of outer circumstances. Your job is to feel the joy of this connection and envision what you desire.

8. Allow any resistance to come up. See your life with objectivity. See the stress and pressure and choose to make a declaration to deepen your commitment to self-care. There is no honor in martyrdom of your body. You, by your connection to all women, all that is female and Mother Earth, are a guardian of the Sacred Feminine.

Beyond the veil of soft cool indigo curtain, see the web that connects you to your family, your relationships, the plants and animals, all life.

Taking care of this body temple during your cycle (and during menopause) is a show of strength.

Know that if you make an intention to create this blue cocoon/shield to honor your sacred moon flow and meet the physical needs of your female body, this act of power will translate to all areas of your life.

Breathe deeply and feel yourself restored and enlivened.

borrowed from: Tamara Slayton, Reclaiming the Menstrual Matrix (as paraphrased from Women’s Rites of Passage).

Ms Menopause creates

2007-09-06T11:16:00.002-04:00

Ms Menopause

In my bottom drawer, underneath the silky pyjamas I hardly wear and some old bathing suits, I have a great pin-on button that says I love my Menopause: J'aime ma menopause!

A while ago, I attached it to a small round leopard skin pillbox hat. When I put on my matching long gloves, and wear my pointy fake leopard skin glasses, I transform into my alter-ego, Ms Menopause.

Watch for her appearance in a neighborhood near you.

What does she do? she brings you good news, that menopause is a blessing, not a curse.

She brings red candles and red costume jewellery in scarlet gift bags for women celebrating their Crone-dom at a menopause party.

She bakes cupcakes and decorates them with red icing and big hearts! If you're lucky she'll organize a potluck lunch and sing Happy Crone's Day to you.

She tells bawdy jokes and helps women laugh about their sweaty nightgowns and faulty thermostats.

She dresses up as Ishtar,Queen of Heaven at the full moon and lies on her lounger while other women have their monthly periods, encouraging them to take the day off.

She reminds us to breathe from the belly and not get our knickers in a knot when patience wears thin.

She carries around a bag of nettle tea, oatstraw and black cohosh to bring harmony into our hormones.

Ms Menopause is a only a figment of my imagination, but I think she would do good things in the world.

Remember, what you resist will persist.
What you bless flourishes, what you curse falters.

Don't look at your body in the mirror and tell yourself how flabby you're getting or how wide your thighs are spreading. Love every inch of this amazing body from Venus.

musemother
alias ms menopause

Ms Menopause embarks on a new adventure

2007-09-04T20:18:00.000-04:00

the change, the feminine cycle paused, honoring our cycle, our inner knowing, recapturing 'taboo' time, time to rest and recoup before burning out, fending off resentment before overwhelm and fatigue turn us into bitchy harrigans, and then, the 'bug soup' phase (after the chrsalis, before the butterfly), transforming - nobody said it would be easy....

these are some of the sparks for this Ms menopause blog

my peeves (and perks) about menopause will be explored, and any new news I can dig up, and old blogs with interesting stuff recycled.

Mostly I ask myself, and you, these questions...

what do you do for yourself to feel better?
when was the last time you spent a few hours taking care of your needs? or taking a nap?
(admittedly this is harder for workoholics and mothers, whom I call 'women who do too much' after the book Meditations for women who do too much....but aren't we all?)

How much self-care are you ready for?
what are you doing for creativity and soul fulfillment?
where do you sabotage yourself, again and again?
how is your stress meter?
what is the measure of success? how you feel overall?

Welcome to a place of retreat, information, inspiration and reminders to be gentle and caring with yourself during your 'menopause'.

Imagine this is the red tent for menopausal women. Here your soul can get a massage.
Here you can find a poem that speaks about finding yourself in the mirror again.
Or the Tao of Menopause, the wisdom of simplicity and emptying out.

Here we don't talk about wrinkles except as laugh lines...

drop by, visit, chat, join the conversation,

ms menopause

"As women we often discount our knowlege and try to skew our information or our perceptions so that they are acceptable to others. In so doing, we rob the world of our accumulated knowledge. Accurate information is important to the world. accurate information from a variety of perspectives is essential."

from Meditations for Women who do too much, Anne Wilson Schaef