Knowing the Power of the Feminine cycle

By power, I mean, the kind that comes from taking charge of your life and asserting yourself.

Women have ignored, denied, and bullied their way through the menstrual time for hundreds, if not thousands of years, due to the denigration and fear of female processes. I think it is more than time that we reclaim this power, this unique connection to our inner healing and physical healing.

Getting in touch with the power of the menstrual cycle mainly comes from what you don't do, according to Alexandra Pope, author of The Wild Genie. Now that you are in the menopausal journey, your periods may be very erratic, longer or shorter, come early or late. There is a change in the rhythm of your body. It's harder to predict when it's coming. It's time to listen in carefully.

In our home and work lives, we are accustomed to struggling, setting goals, being heroines or supermoms, but in this case, we must face into what we experience and embody it, not try and rise above it.

"If you are willing to court the rhythmical life of your body you are given access to something Other that happens naturally. And the very act of courting the inner life of your body itself builds an inner sweetness, surety and dignity - a spirit of sovereign authority that is priceless." From The Woman's Quest, Alexandra Pope.

Sounds good, you say, how do I do that? It's mostly about slowing down, practicing surrender, and paying attention to your cycle. A good way to start is by keeping track of your cycle in a journal or even on your calendar.

It feels empowering to know where you are in your cycle, and if you look up at the moon, you will discover how close you are to a pattern of fullness, waning and waxing in the universe. You will begin to recognize the shifts of mood and feeling, see the patterns in your dream life, and also, by charting your cycle says Pope, you build self-acceptance and an intimacy with yourself over time.

"A deep process of awareness, the first task is to get to know your cycle," says Pope. This is also useful for contraception purposes - you need to know when you ovulate and when you menstruate; believe it or not, the first calendars were invented by women for this very purpose. Especially if you are not ovulating every 28 days anymore, (after age 40 your cycle starts to change).

How to deal with the aches and pains that do arise? For me, the best place on the first day of my period was in bed with a hot water bottle getting some extra sleep. And feeling my way through the pain meant I exited on the other side, feeling less achy, less fearful and tense.

Our need for rest at this time is higher, and it is not a sign of weakness to take care of yourself, it is a sign of wisdom.

"Allow yourself a dose of the thirteen allies - silence, solitude, stillness, surrender, simplicity, slowness, softness, self-interest, serenity, sanctuary, sacred, support and sleep however small, as you come into and during menstruation."

If you want to learn more, check out http://www.wildgenie.com/ for more information on this workbook.

take good care,
musemother

Is this Menopause?

I don't know how many times I've heard that question - usually followed by a list of symptoms, physical or emotional, that make a woman wonder if, gee, at 42, I could be possibly experiencing menopause, at such a young age.

Often a trip to the doctor only confuses a woman, who has perhaps never missed a period yet, but is still wondering if the sleepless nights, or increased anxiety, or changes in her vaginal health, or lack of desire for sex, all these vague and indirect symptoms, could possibly be part of The Change. A doctor told my 42 year old friend during a pelvic examination that her uterus and vagina were young and healthy and she could still have more kids! (she already has 3, two teens and a seven year old, thank you very much!). You can't be in menopause, the doctor's say, you're too young!

But perimenopause can begin 10 years before you officially end menstruating. Some women begin in their late 30's! And at the very least, you should be aware that changes will be happening in your cycle in your early 40's - ovulation will be less regular, not 14 days after your last menstruation necessarily - my GP told me to be careful with contraception when I turned 40, because I could not count on my fertility period to be right in the middle of the cycle, it might begin the day after menstruating.

The other vague symptom that hits a lot of women in their 40's (way before they are thinking about menopause) is a desire to leave, to get away, to have more time alone to figure out where they are, who they are and what they want to do. You may call this a mid-life crisis, but it's not often a crisis - it's more likely an underlying angst, a questioning, the beginning of a quest for a self separate from all other relationships - mother, daughter, sibling, wife....

The need for a sabbatical from motherhood or marriage is never considered by most of us. We think the well of love and nurturing energy should be endless. It feels selfish to want to get away. To want to be alone. To fantasize a white room with no outside stimulation in which we could just be still, be quiet enough to hear our own voice.

And what would that voice tell us? That still, small voice so hard to hear in this busy, fast-paced world? It might shock us to think about leaving everything - but you may do as I did - and leave temporarily on retreat, then come back. Leave as often as you need to, and return. It doesn't have to be a year-long sabbatical. Maybe you just need an extended leave from being chief cook, bottlewasher and bread-winner (not to mention caring for aging parents, and in-laws).

So, yes, it could be menopause - or the beginnings of a 10-year long prep period - that is calling. It may be a call for self-care. It may be a wake-up call to prevent burn-out. It may be your body saying, whispering, cooing to you (or yelling): time for me, time for me to pay attention within, time for me to slow down and listen.

"When a woman stops doing she must learn how to simply be. Being is not a luxury; it is a discipline. The heroine must listen carefully to her true inner voice. That means silencing the other voices anxious to tell her what to do." The Heroine's Journey

Find that quiet space to do the questing in.

It is not a luxury. It is time.

take care
musemother

November by the lake and archives

I have been too busy with our recent move to write much on this blog, but I notice people are reaching archived articles and finding out what they need to hear.

That's the beauty of the blog - you can go on the titles or labels, and find an article that speaks to where you are, the questions you have right now.

I love hearing back from readers, like the one who posted a comment on an article about intuition and the menstrual cycle, from october 2007:

This is amazing. I was noticing during the past year or so, that my intuition was speaking louder to me and more clear at certain times in the month. It was like things became clearer to me during these times of the month. I did attribute it to my cycle but thought it was just my hormones making me believe things that maybe were not true. I was doubting my intuition. But now I am realizing that it was due to my cycle that I was able to get this clearer picture through my intuition about things that were happening in my life and that I was not just emotional due to my cycle. This is fascinating stuff. Thanks.

So I'm very glad that women find this informatio useful, and once I get my books back on their new shelves, and create a little more order out of the chaos of living in a house that is not quite finished being built, I'll post some new information for you.

keep in touch, and visit http://www.questinggirl.blogspot.com/ for musemother's brand of wisdom.

best
jenn

The Pill Are you Sure it's for You?

My friend Alexandra Pope has come out with a new book on the Pill and its affect on women's health, the menstrual cycle.

Here's the blurb and a description of the book. It's available in Australia for now, North American publication up-coming. You can find it on-line also.

The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
(Allen and Unwin)
now on sale in Australia and also available from
http://www.allenandunwin.com/default.aspx?page=94&book=9781741750799

Written in a gentle, engaging style and full of real women's stories, our aim is to give women true informed choice about chemical contraception including the Pill, implants, injections, patches, vaginal rings and IUDs.

In The Pill we explore:
1. side effects such as depression and mood disorders, loss of libido, headaches and migraine, weight gain, increased risk of breast cancer and brittle bones
2. alternatives to chemical contraception that don't harm your health or fertility
3. natural ways to heal menstrual problems rather than masking these with the Pill
4. the fallout of the Pill in relationships (and the health of future children) and conversely how the menstrual cycle can be an ally to deepen your connection and sexual intimacy
5. the radical idea that having a menstrual cycle is really cool and can even be empowering, and, once experienced in this way is something you wouldn?t dream of eliminating with synthetic hormones.

7 great reasons to buy The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
1. You're a fertile woman needing reliable contraception that doesn?t compromise your health and sexuality.
2. You're a man who wants to share in the responsibility of contraception.
3. You're suffering from menstrual and /or skin problems and want to know how to heal them naturally
4. You're a parent of a teenage daughter wanting to support her in her contraceptive needs as she moves toward a sexual relationship and want to fully understand the health implications (many side-effects are of particular concern for teenagers)
5. You're a health practitioner and want comprehensive information on contraception and to learn more about womens? health.
6. You're a counsellor/psychotherapist/psychologist and need to understand the impact of the Pill on womens' psychological wellbeing
7. You want to learn about period power, how to leverage it for success and how the female body is designed for ecstasy.

Some articles and related newstories:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24176816-401,00.html
If your love seems doomed, blame the Pill

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24193724-421,00.html?from=public_rss
Acne-plagued girl Tanya Hayes 'killed by the Pill'

musemother

Rhythm of Life

Rhythm, cycle, flow, moon phases: we women cannot escape the fact that our lives are run by energies and cycles flowing through us of which we are mostly unaware.

It's taken me almost forty years to understand my cycle, and now I don't have one. Or do I?

I think that even menopausal women are affected by their monthly energies, and even daily energy changing, shifting. Nothing stays up, or down, for long.

A recent article about the connection between bright city lights and breast cancer pointed to a little known fact: that our pineal glands, deep in the middle of our brains (and called the Third Eye by some eastern cultures) secrete melatonin:

"Both human and animal circadian rhythms are driven by the day/night cycle and are synchronized with natural geomagnetic electromagnetic fields. The major control gland over this natural cycle is the pineal gland which secretes the neurohormone melatonin. During the day, light falling on the eye's retina produces signals which are biochemically amplified to stimulate the pineal gland to reduce its melatonin output. At night the absence of light with sleep stimulates the pineal gland to produce melatonin."

Apparently even a light as dim as a nightlight in your bathroom can shut down melatonin production, and some researchers are looking for a connection between this lack and the rise in breast cancers in urban areas.

Just one little cycle that is disturbed by our modern lifestyle. Think of all the other ways we are not in touch with our women's bodies and their monthly flow. Look at the moon tonight, for instance, and see where it is (we just had a full moon on the weekend, so after the waning of the moon is done, we'll have a new moon again).

Our cycles wax and wane just like the moon. If we are quiet and give ourselves time to reflect on our emotional and physical state just before our periods, we may notice that there is a pull to withdraw, to have more alone time. If we give ourselves what our inner self needs, who knows, maybe the symptoms of PMS would ease up a bit....

just one more way we can attune ourselves to the natural rhythms, cycles, phases, flow....

jenn

Menopause and Power

"There is an enormous elemental force at work in women's bodies that is both intensely intimate and universal - ecstatic, creative, restorative and full of love. We experience this force at menstruation (and also during pregnancy and giving birth).

The post-menopausal woman, who has understood and lived the journey of the cycle, fully inhabits this power." A Woman's Quest, Alexandra Pope

Biology as Destiny?

The old 'new' way of thinking about women's cycles is that it's a nonevent. Puberty, pregnancy, menopause - just breeze through it, keep working, keep your chin up and all will be well.

However, many of us are flumoxed at the raging hormones surging through us, affecting our emotional stability, our moods, our performance at work, our sleep, our relationships. Our spouses are afraid to come near us at the PMS time, and during pre-menopause, my PMS lasted up to 2 weeks some months.

"Menopause isn't an event at all, but a process that takes place over five to seven years and as as many profound metaphysical, social and sexual layers of meaning as the passage of menarche, which ushers in a woman's fertility....The polemicists ....are often women frozen in an outdated era of feminism. Ignoring a host of new data that demonstrate some clear gender differences stemming, at least in part, from variations in male/female biology..." from The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy

We are different, and stuffing our mood swings into the closet will not help us 'deal with it'. What I think we're missing is an understanding of the huge transition this end of our period brings up for us. We need to mourn certain things, grieve a little for what is dying, let ourselves lay low in the cocoon while we are changing, and celebrate the new self that is being born. It is a time to come to terms with past traumas and hurts, to make peace with our ghosts, with our selves. We learn to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, as we would treat others. We learn to move more slowly because multi-tasking is no longer working for us.

Mostly, we learn to listen within. The needs of the inner being can no longer be ignored. A woman's cycle is something to get to know. Your inner workings are something to get close to. The ancient rituals and ceremonies surrounding Demeter and the Eleusinian mysteries were connected to the cycles of Mother earth, and of women. Our bleeding was once sacred. Our need for alone time was once respected and valued. Journalling, keeping track of your cycle, watching the moon's cycle to see how aligned you are, are just a few ways you can do this.

So don't get conned into thinking because we have equality in working status (in most areas), and parity on a salarial level, that we should just shut up about our bodies' needs at this transitional time, and keep on keeping on. If you are feeling exhausted, wired, overwhelmed, irrational and emotional, give yourself a break. Find out more about this peri-menopausal shift, this journey towards the self. There are many good books listed on this blog, but a very good overview is Joan Borysenko's A woman's book of life, or Dr. Christiane Northrup's Wisdom of Menopause. A little information and a lot of inspiration will make you feel less 'insane'. You are not insane, you are just finding a new balance. The old one won't work anymore.

Right now I am reading, The Change by Germaine Greer and The Silent Passage by Gail Sheehy. A new book, just arrived today, is Marianne Williamson's The Age of Miracles, Embracing the New Mid-Life - more about these in a future blog.

Let yourself breathe a little today. Just for today, accept how you feel, and breathe into it.

Embrace the power of doing nothing, if that's what it takes to make you feel better.
That's where I'm at this week, making little sabbaticals as I go,

musemother

Intuition and Menstrual cycle

I know I've been writing a lot about intuition lately, but I just found a really great article about the link between intuition and the menstrual cycle (and menopause too).

Some days I am definitely moving too fast to appreciate all the help that is whispered my way, but some days I sit back and watch the coincidences and synchronicities fire up and blow me away.

You are not crazy if you believe in a mysterious power that helps you move towards what needs to happen in a day. And if you pay attention, you may find there's a link between your cycle (if you have one, and yes, even after menopause I seem to have one) and your inner knowing.

Here's an excerpt from a brilliant article by Alexandra Pope, that popped up after a search on google:

"The stress sensitive barometer in women, the menstrual cycle is an exquisite system for sensing both physical and psychological wellbeing. Menstruation is an initiatory moment. Women can potentially open to a highly charged altered state, giving them access to a singular kind of power - the power of self awareness, deep feeling, knowingness, intuition. A power that matures over time with each cycle.

Most women might find it strange to talk of the menstrual cycle and menstruation as useful and powerful beyond its baby making function. This is not surprising. Too long we have been tyrannised around our bodies. To get anywhere professionally we've had to deny the life of our uteruses and silence our emotional authority for fear it would be labelled as 'losing it' or 'not rational', in other words not intelligent. T

he word 'hysteria' comes from the Greek for womb, hustera. Our wombs were seen as unstable organs, making us unstable. Whilst medical science has moved on from those fifteenth century notions, in today's atmosphere there still lingers a feeling that women are essentially unpredictable and unreliable beings because of the menstrual cycle.

No wonder women have needed to tread carefully when drawing from an authority that was not of the intellect. An authority coming instead from a knowingness, from the fullness of our senses and sensual nature. It is only in recent years that emotions have gained some currency. Emotional intelligence is a frequently used phrase today now that Science (male) has come up with the "hard" evidence making Emotions (female) respectable!" from an article on http://www.mum.org/articles. or at http://www.wildgenie.com/, Pope's own web site.

I've just ordered her books, A Woman's Quest. Now you know why this site is named 'questinggirl', because it has been a quest for information, a journey towards knowing, and not just guessing, at what a wonderful system we have within us. Who knew that a menstrual cycle was something other than a pain and a bother.

Especially now, with millions of women numbing their hormonal wisdom with the Pill, and even taking it continuously so as never to menstruate, there is a real urgency to getting this Feminine Knowledge out there! So spread the words, ladies. Our cycle is not to be played with, denied, doped up, or dallied with.

Even in your most peri-menopausal moment, remember the Blessing, and not the curse.

namaste,
musemother aka jenn

Intuition Growing

It's a slow learning curve for most of us, who've been trained to read only the outward signs for information on what to do, where to go, who to trust, what's next.

From my understanding, intuition is always the still small voice that sees ahead, knows all, and is trustworthy. Why didn't I bring the camera? I had an urge to, not knowing why I would need it, and I didn't listen, is the kind of thing that happens regularly. Or, so glad I brought the sunglasses, even if it was cloudy out this morning. Now the setting sun is blinding me on the drive home and I'm glad I have my shades.

But this voice is pretty quiet, hides under the rug, and when I'm moving too fast, I miss it.

Here's some tips I picked up from The Seat of the Soul (Gary Zukav) about growing intuition:

Wise and compassionate guidance is always available to us, loving guidance that assists our growth. You could call them 'messages from the soul'.

Step one to developing awareness: become aware of what you are feeling. Through your emotions you encounter 'the force field of your own soul'.

2. Ask the Universe for help to see clearly, i.e. Why do I feel this way? Does my experience support my suspicion or lack of trust?

3. Help will come, but answers are not always in the form we expect. It could be a feeling, a memory or thought that seems random, a dream or something that happens the next day.

Ask and you shall receive is the rule.

4. To engage and discipline the intuition: honour emotional cleansing at all times because blockage makes us negative and diseased. When you are clear, you become lighter, more open to intuitive track, closer to a sense of loving. So clear yourself every day of emotional impacts, unfinished business.

5. A cleansing nutritional program - eating the right foods for your body keeps you clear too.

6. Honor guidance you receive, learn to respond. Be willing to hear what intuition says and act accordingly.

7. Allow an orientation of openness towards life and the Universe, a sense of faith and trust that there is always a reason why things are happening. The Universe is compassionate and good.

"Intuition is perception beyond the physical sense that is meant to assist you."

These hunches about danger help you survive, know where it is safe to walk, where not. It also serves creativity and helps you find clues for working on a project. It serves inspiration, bringing sudden answers to a question, meaning that appears in the fog of confusion, light in the dark. It's like a dialogue between your higher self (soul) and your personality.

So let the creative team up there help you, while you pull data from the mind, heart and intuition.

This is related to menstruation and menopause in that women at their bleeding time and pre-menstrually, can be more in tune with their inner guidance, if they give themselves permission to rest, go slow, dream, and pay attention. Menopausal women, according to Christiane Northrup, MD are having their brains rewired to tune into those higher frequencies and get in touch with their 'women's wisdom'.

But I believe we can all learn to develop this side of ourselves, men and women.

So let your soul guide you, as Sting says.

musemother

Creating Sacred Space

Not every woman can afford to isolate herself during her period, due to the nature of our active lives and the daily demands on us. But what we can do is envision for ourselves an inner temple, build a sacred space that we carry with us into our day, whether with family, at work, or social events. This is a useful technique for women undergoing peri-menopause, when periods start to get irregular, and hormonal changes bring hot flashes, palpitations and night sweats.

During peri-menopause, I gained a new appreciation for the complex physical and emotional dimensions of my period. I started taking more naps, feeling the need for more quiet time.

Making time to be alone is not easy, so use this visualization technique to create a space of protection for your inner feminine realm. The portable moon lodge allows you to maintain a deep inner connection to your body, and establish a feeling of sacred space. It’s a useful technique for centering yourself while in an activity. You will feel different when you listen and honor your body-mind connection rather than denying your cycle and or it's disruptions.

Be aware that this part of your cycle is a cleansing time, a special time to release energies from the past month, and bring about a profound sense of renewal. Here's how to create the sacred space you need, even on the go:

1. With your mind, spin a protective veil or shawl around you and imagine an indigo blue mist as an energy curtain that separates you from the outer world.

2. See the blue light circle you and stretch out four feet in all directions. Breathe in the cool colour, which magically deters all energies you want to keep away. Allow the quiet to envelope and soothe you. You are in your retreat space, a space of intention within your own Moon Temple.

3. In this moment, feel gratitude and appreciation for your body and its ability to cycle. Feel your own rhythm. Even if you experience cramps, fatigue or discomfort, summon the wise woman within and stay grounded in appreciation for your body. Know that the body always moves toward healing and regeneration, and that the energy of appreciation is healing and restoring.

4. Awaken to inner listening – what does your body need? This is your sacred duty, to remain grounded, with the body, aware.

5. In contrast, remember a time when during some intense activity you ignored the needs of your body, whether thirst, hunger or discomfort. You wanted to finish one more email, complete a report, engage in a conversation. Hours passed and you ignored the simple body needs of your physical being. Ask yourself, is that ragged, tired feeling what you really want to create for yourself, or model for your daughters and sons?

6. Now, focus within, while you are mindful of daily activities. It is your job to hold your energy tightly around you and not allow it to leak out. If, with your strong desire you envision containing sacred space, the universal forces will line up in support. Maybe you’ll end up having lunch alone, or skipping a stressful meeting.

7. Feel the nourishing feeling of self-care, in spite of outer circumstances. Your job is to feel the joy of this connection and envision what you desire.

8. Allow any resistance to come up. See your life with objectivity. See the stress and pressure and choose to make a declaration to deepen your commitment to self-care. There is no honor in martyrdom of your body. You, by your connection to all women, all that is female and Mother Earth, are a guardian of the Sacred Feminine.

Beyond the veil of soft cool indigo curtain, see the web that connects you to your family, your relationships, the plants and animals, all life.

Taking care of this body temple during your cycle (and during menopause) is a show of strength.

Know that if you make an intention to create this blue cocoon/shield to honor your sacred moon flow and meet the physical needs of your female body, this act of power will translate to all areas of your life.

Breathe deeply and feel yourself restored and enlivened.

borrowed from: Tamara Slayton, Reclaiming the Menstrual Matrix (as paraphrased from Women’s Rites of Passage).