Winter Rest in Midlife

Snow hastens to reach ground
Up-gusts blow sideways
Water is harsh, moving to shore in a hurry
Waves bump rocks over the side and onto grass
Backyard view almost obscured by white
wind and shades of grey
island’s shoreline obliterated by violent tempest.

we are safe inside the window warm and heated
we are on solid ground watching white caps
winter showed up to day grizzly beard and big boots
white hair scraggled and long
not father Christmas with jolly belly and smiles
but burly lumberjack all bluster and blizzard
it is best to be inside, not venture out
it is wiser by far to stay put, drink chai from the red Chinese pot
read the I Ching for aphorisms
throw the coins and divine the future
“It will snow today, tomorrow and the next day” (says the
weatherman) so hunker down in the bedside bunker
with your little dog on your lap and the cats spread like living fur coats
ease the angst in the stomach about the list of things
take the day off
to dream and be remiss
you have an excuse to be late
to not return those library books
to miss an appointment
to stay home in bed and do nothing but read a novel

You have been blessed
with a snow day of rest.

I am enough

During the menopausal journey, all kinds of old ghosts have come back to haunt me.

Unfinished dreams from adolescence (so you think you can dance/act/sing?). Unfinished loves: remember that boy in Grade 11 who idolized you? maybe you thought he was too immature, even if he was cute. You took him for granted at the time. Maybe he really saw you. Maybe you feel like you want to be really seen that way again.

I found all kinds of circles coming back at me in my forties. In my last year of high school, I was in a dance/mime play of Inuit legends called the Land before Time. It was one of the highlights of my creative life to be chosen for that play, to have rehearsals in the National Arts Center and a tour of high schools in the Ottawa area for 2 weeks (off school, too).

Later, I hooked up with one of the women who was in the play with me, who now lives in Montreal and we became good friends again. One of my unfinished dreams was to be involved with theatre once more, and Jo and I began a project to put a long poem series of my friend Carolyn Souaid, Sedna, on stage (which just happened to be based on an Inuit legend). We hired two actresses and began rehearsals, and during that time, Jo gave me the director of the Student Young Company, Dennis Hayes' email address. He sent me the text of Land Before Time, which absolutely blew my mind, to come full circle with that piece. Our production of Sedna played one night only for the Circus of Words, a night of poetry in performance. But it brought me a lot of satisfaction to be involved with 'theatre people' again.

I also had the chance to clear up some ancient longings and meet with former love interests, to close the door on the 'what if' scenarios my mind was cooking up. There was a lot of unfinished business that came to a head in my forties.

Now, I've just turned 55, and recently received a birthday card from a close friend that said, Jenn, you are so serene, you've changed since I've known you. Is this what post-menopause looks like? I had to laugh, and gave her a big hug of thanks. Yes, this is how it feels, once the rollercoaster of emotions has calmed down, the night sweats are over, and sleep is your friend again.

So this post is about closing the circle, and probably new ones begininng. It is the end of something, for me. One cycle has finished. Another one begins.

I am at peace with myself. I am surrounded by wondferful women friends. I am still married to my best friend. And I feel finally ready to send my work out to the world, to share what I am learning along the way.

blessed be,
Jenn/musemother

New Menopausal Years Wise Woman Way

Review of The New Menopausal Years, the Wise Woman Way by Susun Weed:

I found this wonderful book near the end of my menopausal years, and although I know very little about herbs, have found it to be very useful. I appreciated the alphabetical formatting and listing of symptoms with their herbal and homeopathic remedies, but even more useful was the women's wisdom in these pages. Weed encourages women going through The Change to practice kindness towards themselves. The emphasis is not on denying or pushing away what you are feeling but on welcoming awareness and understanding. "Remedies here don't seek to eliminate these emotions or turn 'negative' ones into 'positive' ones but, in the Wise woman way to help you incorporate all of your feelings into your wholeness. "

The New Menopausal Years is full of inspiring pages to help women on their Journey of Menopause. Weed employs the persona of Grandmother Growth in italicized sections to give support, encouragement and advice; for example, see this exerpt on Emotional Uproar:

"Dear woman, sighs Grandmother Growth tenderly. "I see that Change has thinned the protective layers hiding your anger, your fears, your grief. yes, I see your hidden feelings and secret desires exposed a little more with each hot flash. You may think your feelings are out of proportion, too sharp, quite irrational, possibly insane. But I assure you, they are only raw from neglect.

"Receive them without judgement, nourish them, and your uncontrollable feelings during the menopausal years will lead you to the deepest heart of your own secrets. If you cannot tolerate those about you, leave. Go to the sheltering space of your cave. Claim your Crone's Year Away."

This was also one of the most comforting aspects of this book for me. Weed encourages women to take time alone, whenever possible, and to advise their friends and family that this is not a rejection of them but a 'claiming of yourself'. I found this to be very true, and once I read this I felt less like a crazy person for wanting to get away and be alone all the time. It is like I needed permission from someone to feel that way. Weed even describes a ritual one can perform to help ease into this phase of your journey. "I must take this journey alone. I ask now for your blessing on me as I begin my Change....I ask you to acknowledge my Crone's Time Away...."

How wonderful it would be if we could allow ourselves this transformation time, this busy interior growth time, without struggling and denying and repressing our needs as they arise because they don't seem to fit the pattern of 'good girl' or 'wife and mother' we have squeezed ourselves into all these years.

I also liked Weed's methodolgy, always gentle and non-invasive. In the chapters relating to symptoms such as hot flashes, vaginal and bladder changes, migraines, heart palpitations, etc. the first step is always to listen in, and collect information from your body. Then, in Step 2, to engage the energy, she may suggest Bach flower remedies or massage, a ritual for claiming your boundaries or for blessing your belly; Step 3 is to find the remedy of choice to nourish and tonify, i.e. tinctures, herbs, homeopathic remedies or even yoga postures; Step 4 is Sedate or Stimulate - listing appropriate exercises, herbs and supplements; Step 5, and 6: if nothing else works, as a last resort, she will list the medical prescriptions or surgery usually recommended; and tell you if they are contra-indications.

I love the way Weed engages the energy in this book, and explodes the myth of the Crazy Crone by embracing the volcanic energy of the Kundalini rising:

"Root chakra energies - anger, sex, power - are hot subjects. And this Change called menopause fires the root chakra. Can you sit still in the midst of this rapidly vibrating energy? Can you dance with its searing touch? Oh granddaughter, what are you itching to do now that you are crowned Crone? What lights your passion? Shine, young Crone. Burn. And keep that energy moving so your inner heat doesn't dry you out."

Read this book, and weep with relief. Yes, you are going through major hormonal rebalancing. It is affecting every single part of your body, mind, heart and soul. And it is OK. Yes, you are in menopause, even if you are in your early forties. Yes, this is menopause but you are not alone, as Weed's kindly grandmotherly wise woman advice is here to calm you and help you feel better.

And remember, your authentic wise-woman self is waiting for you to grow Wise with her.

enjoy the ride, and let me know if you found this review helpful,

musemother

November by the lake and archives

I have been too busy with our recent move to write much on this blog, but I notice people are reaching archived articles and finding out what they need to hear.

That's the beauty of the blog - you can go on the titles or labels, and find an article that speaks to where you are, the questions you have right now.

I love hearing back from readers, like the one who posted a comment on an article about intuition and the menstrual cycle, from october 2007:

This is amazing. I was noticing during the past year or so, that my intuition was speaking louder to me and more clear at certain times in the month. It was like things became clearer to me during these times of the month. I did attribute it to my cycle but thought it was just my hormones making me believe things that maybe were not true. I was doubting my intuition. But now I am realizing that it was due to my cycle that I was able to get this clearer picture through my intuition about things that were happening in my life and that I was not just emotional due to my cycle. This is fascinating stuff. Thanks.

So I'm very glad that women find this informatio useful, and once I get my books back on their new shelves, and create a little more order out of the chaos of living in a house that is not quite finished being built, I'll post some new information for you.

keep in touch, and visit http://www.questinggirl.blogspot.com/ for musemother's brand of wisdom.

best
jenn

Wise women — repositors of information and wisdom

Have you considered the positive aspects of menopause? There is a strong cultural bias in the West towards 'ageism' or fear of aging. But in other cultures, as women hit menopause they are revered and looked up to:


Across indigenous cultures, from the Maori in New Zealand to the Iroquois Indians, post-menopausal women are community leaders with considerable power and status. To these people, menopause itself is the transition between being a member of the community at large to becoming a spiritual elder.

A common belief among traditional shamanic cultures — for example, Mayan women and the Cree women of Canada — is that women must enter menopause to access their shamanic and healing powers. Menstrual blood has the power to create life in the womb, so when women reach the age of retaining their “wise blood,” they cross the threshold into “wise womanhood” by keeping their wise blood within. At this point they become priestesses and healers — the spiritual leaders of their communities.

Wise women have earned this leadership role because women have greater “reproductive” success if, in middle age, we cease production of new children and focus on investing in our children’s children. This in turn impacts the population and success of the entire community.

information found on www.womentowomen.com web site

Cut off from her depths

"It is difficult in life to find the Feminine Realm. The drawing of the water, the gathering of the grains no longer are performed under an open sky. ...The sense of her task as consecrated and necessary to the cosmos is gone. And I fear for women yet to come. For under the pressures of modern life, time has become compressed. The feminine sense of time has all but disappeared. Yet woman cannot exist with only a linear awareness of time, for her sense of sacred Kairos time is the precious essene of life. there must be time enough for her to experience the sacredness within each moment and within herself...." Judith Duerk, I sit listening to the wind (also author of Circle of Stones)

According to Duerk, we have modeled ourselves on the Masculine, but the heroic task/journey of the Masculine can not provide what a woman needs to complete the journey of the conscious and devleoped Feminine.....

"When a woman uses her energy only to reinforce what is outside of herself, she becomes cut off from her depths. her own feelings and life values become inaccessible to her. She molds herself to external standards and loses touch with her individuality. She is cut off from all that is uniquely her own that could nourish her and those around her, cut off from the creative new answers so badly need in the world today.

Cut off from her deeper sense of life, from the wisdom of her own unconscious, she lives in an arid approvable way. and her depths become enraged! the whole wellspring of womanly creativity within her is furious for not being tapped. and the greater the individuality and insight that have been dammed up, the greater the rage!

A woman speaks: My grandmother, my mother and me...only allowed to smile and agree. Only allowed to affirm what was initiated around us, never allowed ourselves to initiate.

If grandmother tried to disagree, she became hysterical. And mother swung between hysteria and opinionated animus, with no grounded Feminine ego between them. She was enraged that the men could never hear what she was unable to say.

All those generations of women in my lineage using our energy in service to a system that had so litle tolerance for Feminine feelings and values. Caught amidst all this, I was depressed and cut off from myself, with no energy for the causes I had believe in only haf a year before. then my judging animus did its foul double-play, first dmaining me for my depression, than blaming me for having served so long what had not served me."

I Sit Listening to the Wind, Judith Duerk


I am living this battle with the animus this week, judging myself harshly, striving to compete, prepare, be on time, get things done, and running steamroller over my own feelings, tiredness, need for quiet time.

Finally, today, I opened this book, and felt a tear trickle down on reading the first opening paragraphs. yes, my body is saying, you have been tricked into this harsh attitude of performance and perfectionism, and you whip yourself, because you put no faith in your own feelings, emotions, or heart side. Focused on doing instead of being, you hurt yourself, and the neck acts up. Freezes up, cramps and gets so sore, I have to quit working and rest.....

ah, rest. It's a snow day today, go back to the circle of light under the lamp, the comfy gold suede chair, and the warmth of a puppy lying beside you, relax and read, and dream your own thoughts.....

nameste,
musemother

Intuition Growing

It's a slow learning curve for most of us, who've been trained to read only the outward signs for information on what to do, where to go, who to trust, what's next.

From my understanding, intuition is always the still small voice that sees ahead, knows all, and is trustworthy. Why didn't I bring the camera? I had an urge to, not knowing why I would need it, and I didn't listen, is the kind of thing that happens regularly. Or, so glad I brought the sunglasses, even if it was cloudy out this morning. Now the setting sun is blinding me on the drive home and I'm glad I have my shades.

But this voice is pretty quiet, hides under the rug, and when I'm moving too fast, I miss it.

Here's some tips I picked up from The Seat of the Soul (Gary Zukav) about growing intuition:

Wise and compassionate guidance is always available to us, loving guidance that assists our growth. You could call them 'messages from the soul'.

Step one to developing awareness: become aware of what you are feeling. Through your emotions you encounter 'the force field of your own soul'.

2. Ask the Universe for help to see clearly, i.e. Why do I feel this way? Does my experience support my suspicion or lack of trust?

3. Help will come, but answers are not always in the form we expect. It could be a feeling, a memory or thought that seems random, a dream or something that happens the next day.

Ask and you shall receive is the rule.

4. To engage and discipline the intuition: honour emotional cleansing at all times because blockage makes us negative and diseased. When you are clear, you become lighter, more open to intuitive track, closer to a sense of loving. So clear yourself every day of emotional impacts, unfinished business.

5. A cleansing nutritional program - eating the right foods for your body keeps you clear too.

6. Honor guidance you receive, learn to respond. Be willing to hear what intuition says and act accordingly.

7. Allow an orientation of openness towards life and the Universe, a sense of faith and trust that there is always a reason why things are happening. The Universe is compassionate and good.

"Intuition is perception beyond the physical sense that is meant to assist you."

These hunches about danger help you survive, know where it is safe to walk, where not. It also serves creativity and helps you find clues for working on a project. It serves inspiration, bringing sudden answers to a question, meaning that appears in the fog of confusion, light in the dark. It's like a dialogue between your higher self (soul) and your personality.

So let the creative team up there help you, while you pull data from the mind, heart and intuition.

This is related to menstruation and menopause in that women at their bleeding time and pre-menstrually, can be more in tune with their inner guidance, if they give themselves permission to rest, go slow, dream, and pay attention. Menopausal women, according to Christiane Northrup, MD are having their brains rewired to tune into those higher frequencies and get in touch with their 'women's wisdom'.

But I believe we can all learn to develop this side of ourselves, men and women.

So let your soul guide you, as Sting says.

musemother