Rest is Radical

How is it we get to mid-life so tired?

I was talking with my husband last night over supper, trying to remember if I was this tired and stressed about everything when I was in my 20's and 30's.  No, absolutely not, unless memory fails me (which it does regularly, but that's another topic).

Before kids is more to the point - we started late, due to miscarriages, and I had my first child at 36, second at 38 years old. Barely time for them to hit puberty before I hit peri-menopause and more lack of sleep. My daughter had just started sleeping full nights in her own bed, when I began demanding it was time for her to tuck me in at 9:00 p.m.  I was very tired.

Now, postmenopause, I can say that my energy levels are better. I can even stay up till 11:00 p.m. without yawning too much.  However, rest days and naps are a saving grace, and I think they are wonderful medicine, and very cheap.

For example, last Sunday, I had a huge list of things to do, furniture to put outside if it was nice, bicycles to pump up, a year's worth of bills to file, and a messy home office that needed organizing.  But we had had a very rich dinner the night before at Au Pied du Cochon http://cabaneasucreaupieddecochon.com/index.html. Suffice it to say that after the gravlax and buckwheat pancakes, pork and beef tourtiere, roast chicken, lobster stuffed cabbage, omelette, fried pork rinds (oreilles de crisse), and beef tongue, oh yes and the pea soup with foie gras starter, we could barely roll into our beds let alone roll out of them Sunday morning.

So we not only slept in, we had an afternoon nap after a hot bath.  It was a first for my husband, to ignore the list of spring cleaning items and just take it easy with a good book in the bathtub, then sleep in the afternoon. But how heavenly. And I thought, make this a real Sabbath, and take care of yourself for once.  Do not get up and read emails, or turn on the computer.  Unplug!

As you come into midlife, give yourself the gift of rest, at least once a week, and if you can make time every day! Rest is a radical option, cheaper than medication, and often all you need.

musemother
ps title taken from a chapter in The Piill, are yous ure it's for you, Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
http://www.wildgenie.com/books_fs.html

The Art of Napping

here's a novel thought, "If you have too much to do, take a ten minute nap" (The art of Doing Nothing, by Veronique Vienne).

"What looks from the ouside like inertia is, in fact, an active internal state teeming with rapidly firing neurons."

Vienne compares our napping brain to a humming power station that is firing up more producitivty, alertness and discernment. It's true that lack of sleep can make us unable to concentrate.

So take a nap and avoid disaster. Let the goddess of sleep Morphia (ok so it's the son of the god of sleep, but let's feminize her because we need her help) carry you off to enhanced brain networking land while you doze.

Seriously though, naps got me through menopause. A daily 20 minute nap (more if you can swing it, right at cocktail hour) will get you through supper and to that early evening meeting, and help your neurons keep firing.

sleep tight,
jenn/musemother

Brain fog and Menopause from Anita

Anita at Cool Jams Blog has offered to trade posts and link to my ms menopause site, so I am posting one of her helpful blogs here for you:

Brain Fog and Menopause
This week I went to my doctor and the official word was that based on my blood tests I’m in the thick of menopause. Some of the main symptoms that I’ve experienced over the past year are night sweats, headaches and brain fog. I’ve spoken to many women who agree that as we age, the memory just doesn’t work the same.

According to my doctor, this so called “brain fog” is fairly common among menopausal women.The trigger to this fuzzy brain issue seems to be the decreased estrogen levels during menopause. As our ovaries slow down on estrogen production, our internal thermostats keep trying to readjust. This is actually a confusing time for the body, so no wonder we end of with “brain fog”, night sweats, headaches, hot flashes and a host of other menopausal symptoms.

Some researchers are saying that the “brain fog” is actually a sub symptom of night sweats and other menopausal sleep issues. Simply put…if you don’t sleep well, your brain doesn’t function well, thus the “brain fog”. The good news is that you can do some things about the sleep issues.

There are lots of natural remedies available to help combat menopausal symptoms. I’ve had success with yoga, exercise and wicking pajamas to help with night sweats. Additionally, to help with the "brain fog", I encourage women to learn new things to help stimulate their brains.

Studies have shown that as baby boomers age, they can keep their minds sharp by exercising their brains, just like they exercise their bodies. Why not try learning a new language, learning to play an instrument or taking up bridge or crossword puzzles.

Not only will you be able to enjoy a new skill, but you’ll keep your brain sharp and fit.
Posted by Anita M. at http://coolnewsforwomen.blogspot.com/

Biology as Destiny?

The old 'new' way of thinking about women's cycles is that it's a nonevent. Puberty, pregnancy, menopause - just breeze through it, keep working, keep your chin up and all will be well.

However, many of us are flumoxed at the raging hormones surging through us, affecting our emotional stability, our moods, our performance at work, our sleep, our relationships. Our spouses are afraid to come near us at the PMS time, and during pre-menopause, my PMS lasted up to 2 weeks some months.

"Menopause isn't an event at all, but a process that takes place over five to seven years and as as many profound metaphysical, social and sexual layers of meaning as the passage of menarche, which ushers in a woman's fertility....The polemicists ....are often women frozen in an outdated era of feminism. Ignoring a host of new data that demonstrate some clear gender differences stemming, at least in part, from variations in male/female biology..." from The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy

We are different, and stuffing our mood swings into the closet will not help us 'deal with it'. What I think we're missing is an understanding of the huge transition this end of our period brings up for us. We need to mourn certain things, grieve a little for what is dying, let ourselves lay low in the cocoon while we are changing, and celebrate the new self that is being born. It is a time to come to terms with past traumas and hurts, to make peace with our ghosts, with our selves. We learn to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, as we would treat others. We learn to move more slowly because multi-tasking is no longer working for us.

Mostly, we learn to listen within. The needs of the inner being can no longer be ignored. A woman's cycle is something to get to know. Your inner workings are something to get close to. The ancient rituals and ceremonies surrounding Demeter and the Eleusinian mysteries were connected to the cycles of Mother earth, and of women. Our bleeding was once sacred. Our need for alone time was once respected and valued. Journalling, keeping track of your cycle, watching the moon's cycle to see how aligned you are, are just a few ways you can do this.

So don't get conned into thinking because we have equality in working status (in most areas), and parity on a salarial level, that we should just shut up about our bodies' needs at this transitional time, and keep on keeping on. If you are feeling exhausted, wired, overwhelmed, irrational and emotional, give yourself a break. Find out more about this peri-menopausal shift, this journey towards the self. There are many good books listed on this blog, but a very good overview is Joan Borysenko's A woman's book of life, or Dr. Christiane Northrup's Wisdom of Menopause. A little information and a lot of inspiration will make you feel less 'insane'. You are not insane, you are just finding a new balance. The old one won't work anymore.

Right now I am reading, The Change by Germaine Greer and The Silent Passage by Gail Sheehy. A new book, just arrived today, is Marianne Williamson's The Age of Miracles, Embracing the New Mid-Life - more about these in a future blog.

Let yourself breathe a little today. Just for today, accept how you feel, and breathe into it.

Embrace the power of doing nothing, if that's what it takes to make you feel better.
That's where I'm at this week, making little sabbaticals as I go,

musemother

Why can't I sleep?

"You won't sleep well during the short part of your menopause when you may be swept by waves of volcanic heat, shiver through arctic chills, have sweat rivering through your bedclothes, and feel powerful surges of emotion. There may be times when your mind and hormones and memories make a crazy quilt of your dreams and days. Surely you wouldn't expect to sleep peacefully through that.

"Inspiration may shake you awake before dawn. Be ready to receive the gifts of this Change, whether awake or asleep. Be ready; what you thought were walls are veils...."

Grandmother Growth, from Susun Weed's new Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way

It would be nice to have the luxury of napping whenever and wherever we feel the urge to catch up on lost sleep. Especially for those of us who work during the day, a little power nap would be great, if we could allow it for ourselves.

Sleep is one of those things you just can't do without, yet it doesn't come when it is bidden. For pregnant or nursing moms and hormonally challenged menopausal women, sleep is elusive. It is the one thing that makes you feel crazy if you don't get enough of it. And yet, sometimes it's the first thing we skimp on to make room in our busy lives for more 'activity'.

What if we saw more sleep not as a lazy person's habit but as a spiritual practice?

I was shocked when I read this in The Woman's Quest by Alexandra Pope, that sleep is "a powerful spiritual practice and the most powerful of all for overworked women." She goes on to say it works wonders for our being at all levels. Especially around the time of our period, and during the Pause. It could be the extra dream time we need, or a time of rest and repair.

If we look at the menstrual cycle as our inner guidance system, then it would make sense that when you feel sleepy, you let yourself sleep. Consider it an ally, and a way to be kind to yourself. Make an effort to get to bed at a regular hour every night, and find time during the day to have some down time, which may not be a nap but just a chill out time of doing less.

Somewhere, somehow, we need to nurture our need for sleep. Countering the 'productivity' machine is not easy, but in menopause, our bodies are clamouring for self-care. Slowing down while you eat, moving at the pace of your body instead of the pace of an overactive mind, taking cat naps wherever possible, writing down your dreams if you do wake up in the middle of the night, all these are ways of listening in to the Feminine.

enjoy the spring rain, take a nap!

musemother