The Tao of Turning Fifty Book Launch

Now available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Turning-Fifty

Also linked to www.jenniferboire.com under Books. Plus a free excerpt.

This book addresses the oftentimes overwhelming journey of the mid-life woman, and offers tips and exercises for finding calm int he middle of the storm.  It encourages you to give yourself a break, before you get a break down. There is a struggle in most women about being selfish versus beginning to take the time for self care, and inner reflection, but we benefit when we put ourselves on the agenda - take time to sort things out, write in our journal. This is also a workbook, with journal pages, calming and centering breath exercises, and mostly, encouragement that you are not going crazy. Menopause is not a disease - it's an important transition in a woman's life and part of her inner journey.

This book grew out of my research for a blog on menopause (here) and now that the book is done, I'm blogging over at Musemother. See sidebar for a link.

namaste,
Musemother/jenn

Menopause and Sex

"We are all born sexual beings, from the moment we are born till the day we die. Whether or not we are in a sexual relationship with another person, we can feel good in our bodies, appreciate sensual pleasures, and learn what excites us sexually. Our sexuality has the potential to be a powerful and positive force in our lives, filling us with energy and deepening our most intimate connections."

- Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era

There are million and one ways to find pleasure as a menopausal or peri-menopausal woman. Even if you think there is nothing left of your libido, don't give up on yourself. Sex is one of the few pleasures that doesn't make you fat or raise your cholesterol, so you'd think more women would indulge.

Part of low libido could be from fatigue, from overwork, from not wanting to give into one more demand on our fragile ecosystem. I think women are used to 'putting out' as they call it, instead of being able to receive.

One day on Oprah 2 years ago, I heard Dr. Christiane Nortrhup talk about how we can revisualize our whole bodies as an erogenous zone, not just the genitalia. It takes some imagination, some dream time, but you can use whatever props or visual aids you need to help you feel excited again about sex. Sometimes, what a woman needs is some self-loving, and for some of us, an extra aid to achieve that goal.

If you are also interested in the environment, here is a website with some eco-friendly sex toys:www.ecosex.ca . which I found on the redtent sisters website.www.redtentsisters.com

Winter Rest in Midlife

Snow hastens to reach ground
Up-gusts blow sideways
Water is harsh, moving to shore in a hurry
Waves bump rocks over the side and onto grass
Backyard view almost obscured by white
wind and shades of grey
island’s shoreline obliterated by violent tempest.

we are safe inside the window warm and heated
we are on solid ground watching white caps
winter showed up to day grizzly beard and big boots
white hair scraggled and long
not father Christmas with jolly belly and smiles
but burly lumberjack all bluster and blizzard
it is best to be inside, not venture out
it is wiser by far to stay put, drink chai from the red Chinese pot
read the I Ching for aphorisms
throw the coins and divine the future
“It will snow today, tomorrow and the next day” (says the
weatherman) so hunker down in the bedside bunker
with your little dog on your lap and the cats spread like living fur coats
ease the angst in the stomach about the list of things
take the day off
to dream and be remiss
you have an excuse to be late
to not return those library books
to miss an appointment
to stay home in bed and do nothing but read a novel

You have been blessed
with a snow day of rest.

10 Best Things about Menopause

"The joy of menopause is the world's best-kept secret. Like venturing through the gateway to enter an ancient temple, in order to claim that joy a woman must be willing to pass beyond the monsters who guard its gate. As you stand at the brink of it, it can appear that only darkness, danger and decay lie beyond...but as thousands of woman from all cultures throughout history have whispered to each other, it is the most exciting passage a woman ever makes." Leslie Kenton, Passage to Power

The Ten Best Things about Menopause are:

1. Freedom to have sex without worry of getting pregnant, No more birth control.
2. Rediscovering my own interests, now that my children have grown older.
3. Rediscovering my life as a couple, more time for just the two of us (see #1).
4. Time alone: indulging in my need for time alone without guilt.
5. Finding my Voice: having a say, speaking my truth, speaking up.
6. Creativity Sparked: letting go of the old, making room for the new creative spirit.
7. Knowing my own body, getting comfortable with its shapes, quirks, needs
8. Growing my intuition, claiming my women's wisdom.
9. Healing time: allowing myself to rest, nap or do nothing; pampering myself without feeling guilty. Sometimes it's all about me
10. Inner Journey: looking deeply, listening, writing, reflecting on the inner life becomes a need.

What are your 10 best things?

jenn

Knowing the Power of the Feminine cycle

By power, I mean, the kind that comes from taking charge of your life and asserting yourself.

Women have ignored, denied, and bullied their way through the menstrual time for hundreds, if not thousands of years, due to the denigration and fear of female processes. I think it is more than time that we reclaim this power, this unique connection to our inner healing and physical healing.

Getting in touch with the power of the menstrual cycle mainly comes from what you don't do, according to Alexandra Pope, author of The Wild Genie. Now that you are in the menopausal journey, your periods may be very erratic, longer or shorter, come early or late. There is a change in the rhythm of your body. It's harder to predict when it's coming. It's time to listen in carefully.

In our home and work lives, we are accustomed to struggling, setting goals, being heroines or supermoms, but in this case, we must face into what we experience and embody it, not try and rise above it.

"If you are willing to court the rhythmical life of your body you are given access to something Other that happens naturally. And the very act of courting the inner life of your body itself builds an inner sweetness, surety and dignity - a spirit of sovereign authority that is priceless." From The Woman's Quest, Alexandra Pope.

Sounds good, you say, how do I do that? It's mostly about slowing down, practicing surrender, and paying attention to your cycle. A good way to start is by keeping track of your cycle in a journal or even on your calendar.

It feels empowering to know where you are in your cycle, and if you look up at the moon, you will discover how close you are to a pattern of fullness, waning and waxing in the universe. You will begin to recognize the shifts of mood and feeling, see the patterns in your dream life, and also, by charting your cycle says Pope, you build self-acceptance and an intimacy with yourself over time.

"A deep process of awareness, the first task is to get to know your cycle," says Pope. This is also useful for contraception purposes - you need to know when you ovulate and when you menstruate; believe it or not, the first calendars were invented by women for this very purpose. Especially if you are not ovulating every 28 days anymore, (after age 40 your cycle starts to change).

How to deal with the aches and pains that do arise? For me, the best place on the first day of my period was in bed with a hot water bottle getting some extra sleep. And feeling my way through the pain meant I exited on the other side, feeling less achy, less fearful and tense.

Our need for rest at this time is higher, and it is not a sign of weakness to take care of yourself, it is a sign of wisdom.

"Allow yourself a dose of the thirteen allies - silence, solitude, stillness, surrender, simplicity, slowness, softness, self-interest, serenity, sanctuary, sacred, support and sleep however small, as you come into and during menstruation."

If you want to learn more, check out http://www.wildgenie.com/ for more information on this workbook.

take good care,
musemother

Peri-menopausal wisdom and self-care

“In peri-menopause our brains are being rewired to live with more inner wisdom, to adapt to a more direct current (intuition); and we may experience insomnia, forgetfulness and depression. It takes a great deal of courage and faith to go through this change, and some women go through painful breakdowns before they are ready to relinquish the struggle for control.”
The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup

Before we hit menopause, there is a long period of transition called peri-menopause. For some women it's like a second adolescence, an emotional and hormonal roller-coaster. For others it's a non-event.

For myself it was the mother of all wake-up calls as Dr. Northrup calls it. The first symptom, that I wouldn't have imagined was connected was a huge increase in the length and severity of my PMS. Some authors have likened this premenstrual period to a lightning rod for unfinished business. It is a warning to be heeded: if self-care is minimal, PMS increases.

Personally, I found it increased to almost two weeks out of the month! The year I noticed it, my father had recently died, I was 49, and my kids were hitting their obnoxious, sullen teen years. Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to see a family counselor and get some help managing my emotions, which were very explosive. Teens or not, I did not want my children to suffer the brunt of the unpredictable outbursts. After a few months of weekly talk therapy, I could feel the difference. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders (I was struggling with bursitis and sore neck at the time) as years of self-protective armour were being peeled off me. And I also noticed my PMS diminishing, except for some irritability on the day of ovulation and mild crankiness a day or two before my period, like before.

“All the emotional and psychological change of the peri-menopausal years are to the entire life cycle as the week before one’s period is to the monthly cycle. All the issues that have been occurring pre-menstrually and which perhaps had been avoided till now- should I quit my job? Should I stay in this relationship – now come up and hit us between the eyes rather relentlessly, demanding that they be dealt with at this time.” (Wisdom of Menopause).

So consider this time of peri-menopause as a Big Bright Flashing Light on the highway saying, Slow Down. Self-Care Needed Ahead. Major construction going on, re-wiring of brain and emotional sensitivity underway. Proceed with Caution.

Do not drive carelessly or quickly through this 'rough patch'. Heed the signals, give yourself the time off, the down time or the journalling time you need to get in touch with your own needs. Women who mother others (whether they are your children, your parents, or co-workers) are especially in need of self-care, because they normally have spent a life-time forgetting about themselves, and putting others' needs first.

Don't hit the brakes too fast - don't skid on the road. Just incorporate some self-care tips from a previous article on www.questinggirl.blogspot.com Seven Tips- Tools for Gaining Essential Wisdom, and if you care to, browse this blog for the many tips and articles on all aspects of menopause.

Coming shortly, more excerpts from A Woman's Way, A Guidebook for Peri-menopause.

nameste
jenn/musemother

Befriend you body, find your core balance

Today I heard something new from my cleaning lady Georgia about weight gain and menopause. She said her doctor told her that with the increase in male hormones, women start gaining weight on the upper part of their body, from the waist up.

I have experienced the opposite, everything flowing downwards. Maybe this is explained by genetics and body shape - apple being round on top, with thin legs, and pear shape tending to be heavier around the bottom and thighs.

Whatever shape you have, your weight may change during menopause. I am actually losing weight, partly due to going gluten-free. Thyroid problems can also cause weight gain or loss, so I am definitely going to have this checked at my annual check-up in May.

Whatever you do, first thing is to accept your body and love it - before you can make any changes, you need to stop being critical of yourself. It's an odd fact that when you begin to accept and love yourself, then changes can come, resistance is lowered.

My favourite website for factual information on medical issues for menopause is http://www.womentowomen.com/. They recently sent me an interesting article about weight gain.


"whether a woman is overweight or underweight, the first thing she can do for herself is befriend her body. Women are often too critical of the weight level that their bodies find most comfortable. Whether you look in the mirror and see yourself as “too much” or “too little,” obsessing about the extra curves (or the lack of them) is a major obstacle to finding your healthy weight."

"We can hold extra weight — or be unable to gain weight — during periods of hormonal imbalance, adrenal fatigue, digestive disorders, neurotransmitter imbalances, toxicity, and inflammation, just to name a few. Weight gain or loss can also be related to imbalance in our life choices. Exercising too much or too little, over — or under — emphasizing specific food groups so that we don’t have a balanced diet — even imbalances in our relationships or emotional lives can affect our weight!

Whether your goal is to lose weight or gain it, a key starting point is to recognize where your life and health are out of balance."

So ladies, find your balance and your weight problems may be over.
It is not as simple as just going on a diet - find out where in your life you need a make-over -

what do you need less of? what do you need more of?

are you stressed and over anxious? are you giving yourself any time alone, just to be still?

are you living at a pace that's too fast? or too slow?

take a few moments and write in your journal every day/week, about how you feel, where you are going, how you are doing, and maybe throw in some self-love, compassion and kindness instead of harsh self-criticism.

See if a little self-love and befriending will help you find balance,

nameste
musemother

The Pill Are you Sure it's for You?

My friend Alexandra Pope has come out with a new book on the Pill and its affect on women's health, the menstrual cycle.

Here's the blurb and a description of the book. It's available in Australia for now, North American publication up-coming. You can find it on-line also.

The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
(Allen and Unwin)
now on sale in Australia and also available from
http://www.allenandunwin.com/default.aspx?page=94&book=9781741750799

Written in a gentle, engaging style and full of real women's stories, our aim is to give women true informed choice about chemical contraception including the Pill, implants, injections, patches, vaginal rings and IUDs.

In The Pill we explore:
1. side effects such as depression and mood disorders, loss of libido, headaches and migraine, weight gain, increased risk of breast cancer and brittle bones
2. alternatives to chemical contraception that don't harm your health or fertility
3. natural ways to heal menstrual problems rather than masking these with the Pill
4. the fallout of the Pill in relationships (and the health of future children) and conversely how the menstrual cycle can be an ally to deepen your connection and sexual intimacy
5. the radical idea that having a menstrual cycle is really cool and can even be empowering, and, once experienced in this way is something you wouldn?t dream of eliminating with synthetic hormones.

7 great reasons to buy The Pill: are you sure it's for you?
1. You're a fertile woman needing reliable contraception that doesn?t compromise your health and sexuality.
2. You're a man who wants to share in the responsibility of contraception.
3. You're suffering from menstrual and /or skin problems and want to know how to heal them naturally
4. You're a parent of a teenage daughter wanting to support her in her contraceptive needs as she moves toward a sexual relationship and want to fully understand the health implications (many side-effects are of particular concern for teenagers)
5. You're a health practitioner and want comprehensive information on contraception and to learn more about womens? health.
6. You're a counsellor/psychotherapist/psychologist and need to understand the impact of the Pill on womens' psychological wellbeing
7. You want to learn about period power, how to leverage it for success and how the female body is designed for ecstasy.

Some articles and related newstories:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24176816-401,00.html
If your love seems doomed, blame the Pill

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24193724-421,00.html?from=public_rss
Acne-plagued girl Tanya Hayes 'killed by the Pill'

musemother

Emotional Turbulence and Menopause

More than the night sweats and hot flashes, what really changed for me at menopause is my emotional landscape.

I'm not sure what the cause is, but I am becoming hyper-sensitive. I cry easily at movies, can't stand to watch car crashes or violence on screen, flinch or jump at loud noises, and am generally more anxious than I remember being, especially while driving.

I would never have related this to hormone imbalance or menopause, if I hadn't read the following on the http://www.womentowomen.com website.

Here's an excerpt from what I found there:

"Let’s start by looking at the root cause of anxiety — the destructive effect of stress on hormone balance.

It now seems the norm for women to be “maxed out” in all directions. Most of us work, and the workplace has gotten more demanding. Most of us raise children and help care for aging parents. We often have relationship issues that create stress too. And we are conditioned to put ourselves in last place on the list of priorities.

The type of stress is just as important as the amount. So much of the stress we experience is constant — it never goes away. The human body simply isn’t designed for constant stress. When that occurs, our ability to cope with stress can be overwhelmed. If you inventory the stress in your life you may realize that much of it is unremitting. This can give rise to a serious condition known as adrenal fatigue. It is also a cause of chronic anxiety that is often diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.

The estrogen dominance common to perimenopause probably adds to this “anxiety response.” In a normal menstrual cycle, estrogen dominates at the beginning of the cycle, and progesterone rises in the second half. The progesterone has a calming, relaxing effect. But in perimenopause we have more cycles in which we don’t ovulate, so the progesterone level stays low. (Also see our article on irregular periods.) For some women, anxiety attacks are their major symptom of perimenopause."

Add to all this the bad habits we have of jumpstarting our bodies with caffeine and eating poorly when stressed, and you have the recipe for higher levels of anxiety.

I know many women in the same boat, with aging parents and teen-agers, full-time or part-time jobs, or sick family members that need care-taking, and very little time to care for themselves, let alone eat a healthy meal and get to bed early every night.

So don't be surprised if you feel a little raw, or as if your nerves are exposed. Susun Weed, in her book The Menopausal years The Wise Woman Way says this is also because of neglect.

"You may think your feelings are out of proportion, too sharp, quite irrational, possibly insane. But, I assure you, they are only raw from neglect. Receive them without judgment, nourish them, and your 'uncontrollable' feelings during the menopausal years will lead you to the deepest heart of your own secrets.

If you cannot tolerate those about you, leave. Go to the sheltering space of your cave. Claim your Crone's Year Away."

Something else you can do: write about your feelings in your journal, get in touch with your buried feelings (anger, grief, loss); Sing the blues or dance it out with some salsa music. Get more sunshine - not too hard in spring and summer. Move your body out into nature and take a long, healing walk. Get a massage - you'll be surprised what emotions well up sometimes while you are lying on a massage table. If tears come, let them. Find a homeopath to help you find a remedy. There are several for emotional upset, overwhelm, feelings of depression or wanting to be left alone.

And finally, go on a retreat - you may not be able to take a year off (!) from your life, but you can certainly take one or two days. Find a woman's retreat by googling it, or look in your local health food store or yoga centre.

Nameste,
musemother

Sanctuary & Self-Nurturing

How do you replenish yourself and find a centering calm? hiking, yoga, naps, reading, music, gardening?

How do you come home again to your body?

"Each major life passage entails emptying and refilling." The Silent Passage, Gail Sheehy

The transformation of menopause can leave you feeling exhausted, until you discover what fills you up again.

For me, yoga and meditation are great for grounding me in the body and breath. They keep me feeling alive in the present moment and provide an anchor for my galloping sails.

Take this 'pause' as an excuse to start a new life. Turn over a new leaf. Dare to be the You you've always wanted to be. Welcome the tumult as Gail Sheehy calls it, and discover what positive aspects of this Change may be hiding under the symptoms of dis-ease.

I have been finding the most relief in creating mini-retreats for myself- a deliberate time-out when no-one else can disturb me, a time alone, time off, and time to go inside, be with me.

I light a candle, do some yoga on the floor, listen to soothing music, then write in my journal or use my cards to uncover some wisdom I need to hear.

Usually, it's about trusting myself, trusting that I can give myself what I need. To find balance, to ground myself in the stillness before running off into busyness. To rejoice in the simplicity of one breath in, one breath out.

I learn to pay attention to the unseen, to new ways of knowing, and be aware of what I need to feel whole, to feel myself.

I learn to embrace my need for this emptying and refilling, this sanctuary, this peace of mind.

Do something to nurture your self today, something simple, something to feed the inner self.

What are you hungry for?

musemother

Why can't I sleep?

"You won't sleep well during the short part of your menopause when you may be swept by waves of volcanic heat, shiver through arctic chills, have sweat rivering through your bedclothes, and feel powerful surges of emotion. There may be times when your mind and hormones and memories make a crazy quilt of your dreams and days. Surely you wouldn't expect to sleep peacefully through that.

"Inspiration may shake you awake before dawn. Be ready to receive the gifts of this Change, whether awake or asleep. Be ready; what you thought were walls are veils...."

Grandmother Growth, from Susun Weed's new Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way

It would be nice to have the luxury of napping whenever and wherever we feel the urge to catch up on lost sleep. Especially for those of us who work during the day, a little power nap would be great, if we could allow it for ourselves.

Sleep is one of those things you just can't do without, yet it doesn't come when it is bidden. For pregnant or nursing moms and hormonally challenged menopausal women, sleep is elusive. It is the one thing that makes you feel crazy if you don't get enough of it. And yet, sometimes it's the first thing we skimp on to make room in our busy lives for more 'activity'.

What if we saw more sleep not as a lazy person's habit but as a spiritual practice?

I was shocked when I read this in The Woman's Quest by Alexandra Pope, that sleep is "a powerful spiritual practice and the most powerful of all for overworked women." She goes on to say it works wonders for our being at all levels. Especially around the time of our period, and during the Pause. It could be the extra dream time we need, or a time of rest and repair.

If we look at the menstrual cycle as our inner guidance system, then it would make sense that when you feel sleepy, you let yourself sleep. Consider it an ally, and a way to be kind to yourself. Make an effort to get to bed at a regular hour every night, and find time during the day to have some down time, which may not be a nap but just a chill out time of doing less.

Somewhere, somehow, we need to nurture our need for sleep. Countering the 'productivity' machine is not easy, but in menopause, our bodies are clamouring for self-care. Slowing down while you eat, moving at the pace of your body instead of the pace of an overactive mind, taking cat naps wherever possible, writing down your dreams if you do wake up in the middle of the night, all these are ways of listening in to the Feminine.

enjoy the spring rain, take a nap!

musemother

Coming home to who I am

"I feel as if I am becoming who I was meant to be. After all the years of outer-directed energy, I am coming home to the Feminine...coming home to myself. I am allowing myself to become a mature woman in the truest and deepest sense.

Sometimes, as I sit listening quietly within, it seems as if the very air in the house has been transformed. There is a hush of tranquillity, an attitude of devotion filling every room. I feel a sense of connection to the self that I have been at other times in my life...to the girl and maiden from the past, to the developed woman of adulthood ... and to the older woman I know that I shall someday be.

As I allow myself to mature, I find that I must do things the old, slow ways...perform my work so quietly that some part of me can always be listening...listening for the deeper sense of my life. Those few brief moments each day... I set aside to listen are no longer enough for me."
from I Sit Listening to the Wind, Woman's Encounter within Herself, Judith Duerk

This morning I created a mini-retreat for myself after my regular meditation. I lit a fragrant candle (rose incense), did some yoga to some wonderful music I bought at Kripalu. Then made a note of all the postures that felt good, from cat and dog, to downward dog, pigeon pose, and yoga mudra: to open hips and shoulders, stretch the spine and legs. I lay down on my bed afterwards in corpse pose, and listened to the drone of chanting while I rested, and let myself go to feeling what was there in my body, wrapped in a fluffy blanket in the stilled room.

That was all I needed today, to remind myself that I need to slow down and listen in. Part of me is always wanting to rush into the home office next to my room and get on the computer, read my emails, check the blogs I love, connect with others. Or attack the list of calls to make, things to do around the house. We are selling our home and renovating a new one, so there are lots of those kind of things to do.

What struck me this morning was the need to get close to my inner feeling; the emotions swimming in my belly were calling out for healing. I didn't put names on them, just felt the fluttering and soothed it by breathing into it. Peace and groundedness are my priority for this moment. Even reading the new books I just received on The Change felt like too much 'outside authority' for my inner self this day. I felt a real quest to find my own wisdom, my own healing modality. What is it I need for myself today?

Every moment, there is information available to me. Every moment I can check in, breathe deeply, stretch my body, find out how I am feeling, and how close I am to my well-being.

Wellness of being, well of being. Is it full, or empty?

Can I give myself what I need?

I repeat the mantra often, the one I need to hear: I am OK. I have everything I need.

blessings,
musemother

Fatigue and menopause

“Fall into my arms and sleep, offers Grandmother Growth. You don’t have to make this change happen; it will happen on its own. Let me hold you. Let go. Don’t resist. Rest. You are in the midst of the labor of giving birth to yourself as Crone. Of course you are tired. This is hard work.

Let the pushing energy of your uterus move your energy up to your crown, rather than down and out, as with menstrual blood and babies. This birthing of your wholeness is something you’ll retain, not something you’ll birth and give away. Rest in my strong arms. Take courage.” from New Menopausal Years, Susun Weed.

Dialogue with the Great Mother about exhaustion:

“Bring me your tired women” she said, “your weary and weak.”

The women were very tired – they were tired of working fourteen hour days; they were tired of schlepping children to daycare at 7 am and picking them up at 6 pm, of fighting over homework and of never having a minute alone with themselves, let alone their husbands, tired of changing toilet paper rolls and of picking up puppy poo, of being the only one who walks the dog and feeds the cats. They were tired of PMS, hot flashes and sleepless nights.

They were tired of driving their kids to karate, tae kwon do, brownies, cubs, guitar lessons, hip hop and ballet classes. They were tired of sore necks, bursitis and tendonitis from typing all day. They were tired from doing laundry at midnight and making breakfast at 5:30 a.m. They had tried physiotherapy, acupuncture, osteopathy and chiropractors. They had taken supplements, joined a gym, cut out carbohydrates, walked and jogged and step-classed themselves to even greater fatigue, and Great Mother, all they wanted was to lie down on the floor and rest their weary heads….

Yes, even the hair on their heads hurt, and their ears were sore from hearing Mommy I need this by tomorrow or I’ll get a detention….

And Great Mother replied…

Dear dizzy, busy daughters of Earth – yes, you do need to rest – you need to lie down on my grassy breast, or float in my salty waves – you need to give yourselves a break before you break a leg – or crack up in a nervous break-down.

Why can’t you rest? Why can’t you press the pause button? That is why I created meno-pause.

You’re not paying attention – listen carefully please – you were not created to Do It All Alone – there are no super moms or superwomen out there – Listen to what Ishtar, Queen of Heaven invented many thousand years ago – a Sabbatu, or heart’s rest at the full moon (when she was bleeding). This is your time to take a day off.

Long ago, a sacred day of rest was created – the Sabbath- on the full moon, a sacred day, a day to refresh and renew your energy, a much needed, blessed rest, once a week – from there you can reset your clock, your energy and give out again to your family, your job.

Come home to me. Receive my gift. You may have all the gold in the world, but without peace in the heart, you will never feel fulfilled or at rest.

My peace I give to you – make yourselves a sacred space, a space of quiet, without distraction, in nature or in your room:

light a candle, run a hot bath, or sit quietly in meditation, walk in the woods or listen to a babbling stream, take a nap, put on some soothing flute music, stretch your muscles in yoga, or lie in corpse pose on the rug - but these you must do regularly to feed the heart’s need for rest.

Find/make your own Sabbatu, for the body is your temple and the heart sits on its throne. Hearth and heart need a space to call Home,

My blessings always,
Queen of Heaven.

I open my heart in compassion and love to those I meet.
Knowing that I too, shall be loved and comforted in my turn.

Prayer from Kwan Yin, Buddhist goddess of compassion

Self Care for Menopausal Babes

originally published on Musemother, Tuesday, May 08, 2007

If you are menopausal or peri-menopausal, as so many of my friends and acquaintances are realizing they are, you have been or will soon be confronted by some form of fatigue - either from insomnia, night sweats or nurturer burn-out. Perhaps you are working as a teacher, nurse, secretary or in some other helping profession. Perhaps you have full-time work at home, or perhaps you have an ailing parent you are caring for as well as your children.

The most important Mother's Week (I've just extended it from one day to one week!) message is the one I received in my in-box this morning from Dr. Christiane Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and Mother-Daughter Wisdom. I think it's so important I'm passing along an excerpt to you:

"One of the biggest challenges women face is learning how to care for themselves while caring for others. It requires a delicate balance between what often feels like polar opposites. I’ve spent a lifetime studying self-care. And I’ve come to the conclusion that good self-care is the single most important aspect of our health, period. The programming of self-sacrifice leads ultimately to health-destroying sentiments, such as guilt, resentment, anger, and other emotions linked to high levels of stress hormones. Self-sacrifice feels wrong to us on a soul level—our spirit gravitates naturally to joy and happiness. That’s why self-sacrifice ultimately makes us sick and keeps us stuck in dead-end situations."
Dr. Christiane Northrup's e-health newsletter excerpt

Unforunately some of us have been programmed to be good girls, and give selflessly to others without thinking about ourselves. Sometimes it takes a major health challenge, like burn-out or chronic fatigue syndrome or breast cancer, to make us stop and take a look at how we are emptying our feminine container, giving our energy away, and losing our joy.

My wake-up call was a broken leg, and a small cyst in my left breast (which turned out to be filled with a thick creamy substance!) The message took me a while to figure out - but while I was lying in bed with a cast, I had time to think and reflect. I also had time to listen to how my husband was dealing with a busy household, and time to talk with him in the evening about my feelings. I learned I had to speak up and ask for what I wanted (help with kids, help in household), especially in the sensitive area of sexual pleasure. I learned a lot of things.

I learned I was not superwoman, and could not do it all alone.

I learned that nobody else wanted me to be self-sacrificing anyway.

I learned through therapy (after my father passed away and more emotions came up) that I had always felt I wasn't 'enough', not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. And that I overworked myself out of needing to feel worthy. I had a hard time saying no to volunteer jobs for instance, especially if they had a nice title attached like 'coordinator' or 'vice-president'. My self-worth was lower than I imagined. And I was keeping myself too busy to wonder why I felt depressed, stressed and over-extended.

It's a long slow process towards self-honesty, and learning to be true to myself. On the road, I am learning how making myself invulnerable cuts me off from feeling close to people. How controlling others is a technique that used to work for me in my dysfunctional childhood home, but how it doesn't work with my own family now. How pushing myself beyond my comfortable limits makes me end up going over the edge and useless to those who rely on me.

Self-care involves dumping a lot of old baggage that doesn't serve me anymore. Guilt, resentment, anger and stress were making me a very cranky person. That's not the woman I want to be. Menopause has been a gift for me, in that it has forced me to pause and reflect, and dig deep. In that descent into murky waters, I have found some healing. I have begun to accept myself, know my limits better.

I hope you will not wait until something breaks. Heed the warning signs, the tension in your neck and shoulders, the explosive anger and PMS, the extreme fatigue and insomnia, and take action. Slow down. Be kinder to yourself, and that will increase your capacity for kindness to others. If you lose yourself, or your health, you can't help anyone anyway.

One way you can do this is to be mindful of your own body rhythms. See the Women's Wisdom blog (link on the left) for Seven Tips for body guidance.

Resources for Menopausal women

I have bought two new books today, about menopause.

The first is The Secret Wisdom of a Woman's Body (about aging fearlessly and listening to the body's signals), by Pat Samples. A title I wish I could have dreamt up myself!

The second is Our Bodies Ourselves, Menopause from the The Boston Women's health Book collective. This book is like a dictionary, chock full of the latest studies, myth busting, pro-wisdom but not anti-medical establishment, yet anti-medicalization of menopause.

There is too much to quote, but one chapter that screamed at me is Emotional Well Being and Managing Stress (my personal bugaboo these days). While menopause may be a challenging time emotionally, it is also the best time of our lives! If our health is good, our systems of support, adequate income, then, yes it can be wonderfully liberating to hit menopause.

Some of us, however, have the stress response on automatic overload. It never turns off. Calming rituals like yoga, drumming, dance and meditation have been around for thousands of years and help us relax.
"eliciting the relaxation response" covers many different techniques, like mini breaks and mindfulness, contemplation and acceptance.

Here's some helpful info:

Deep breathing techniques can reduce the intensity of hot flashes - myth or reality?

"Reality: researchers have found relaxation techniques involving progressive muscle relation and deep breathing exercises reduced self-reported hot flashes by about 50 percent." now that's worth looking into.

"Taking care of ourselves is key. There is a difference between selfishness and self-care. Self-care means moving away from the belief that your needs come last. It means caring enough about yourself to prioritize those activities that will promote your own health: taking time for socializing, fore relaxation, and for embracing what is meaningful to you. Many of us lead busy lives, and the hours of the day evaporate. We reap many benefits when we realize that scheduling time for ourselves is essential to our health."

So there you have it - two more books for your bedside reading table. A good friend of mine called today about her doctor telling her that at age 46 she was too young to be in peri-menopause! So much misinformation out there. So check out the womentowomen.com website, and this Our Bodies Ourselves, for correct medical advice and encouragement.

namaste,
and see you back from March break, March 8
Jennifer

Breast Cancer and Self-Care

"Breasts are the physical metaphor for giving and receiving. In ancient times they symbolized nature's abundance and nurturing qualities." Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

Recently I read an article about breast cancer in La Presse, a Montreal newspaper. One survivor said her top priority now is self-care, taking time for herself, making it a priority to put herself first.

How opposite this is to the messages I received growing up in a Christian household!

It seems to run counter to our very upbringing as women and mothers: taught to serve others and put their needs first, to make sure all is well with everyone else, often sacrificing meals, rest, small pleasures like reading, sewing or singing, to ensure this external 'peace' and wellness is there in a household.

However, it always backfires if your own tank is empty, running low on the fuel of self love and nurturance.

Dr. Christiane Northrup in her book, Women's Bodies Women's Wisdom, has a chapter on Breasts and how to take care of them. Also, some important information about the message behind the physical symptoms.

"Approximately half of all women who go to doctors go because they have some kind of pain in their breasts. " She states that cyclic mastalgia or breast pain that comes and goes depending on the menstrual cycle is usually caused by excess hormones, excess caffeine or stress. It is not a risk factor for breast cancer.

She quotes a colleague who wonders why women have so much breast pain: "Have you noticed that men never complain about pain in their testicals, but that women are always complaining about pain in their breasts and even their ovaries? do you suppose it's because men know that if they complained, someone would want to cut into them?"

Dr. Northrup continues, "If women learned how their inner guidance is advising them through breast symptoms to give more time and energy to themselves, they might begin to appreciate their breasts in a different way."

Breast cancer is a sign that something is out of balance - probably toxins and pesticides contribute, birth control pills and estrogen replacement have been pointed at, our fatty diets don't help, even genetics play a part. Dr. Northrup gives a few case histories about women who made different decisions about treatments, but in the end, she points to the fact that a woman needs to take stock of her life, as well as whatever treatment she undergoes, to also do some inner reflecting, join a support group, and find out where in her life the balance of give and take needs adjusting.

What are your breasts saying to you, today? Don't wait for a major scare to pay attention.

Love them, handle them with care, and listen to their message about self-care.

luv
musemother
October is Breast Cancer month.

The Secret of conscious intention

The last few years of peri-menopausal life (and menopause) have been full of ups and downs. Many books and lots of reading have helped me find clues to how to stay balanced and centered> most of the them focused on finding healthy living, healthy habits.

But the major source of clarity I've found has come from listening to my self, and taking my signals seriously. This demands a certain amount of quiet time, for downloading inner wisdom. Here's a little bit of help I found from Gary Zukav in his book, The Seat of the Soul. It works along the same lines as The Secret, which many millions have seen or read by now.

A thought is energy or light that has been shaped by consciousness. (Ok, that makes sense).

You are not a static system. You are a dynamic being of light...the light that flows through your system is Universal Energy...You give that light form - what you feel, think, how you behave...reflects the way you are shaping the light that is flowing through you. (still with me?)

Intention is the use of your will. You use the laser light of your focus, your whole personality to make choices. When you have conflicting intentions, you'll be torn in two because both dynamics oppose each other. If you are not aware of your intentions, the strongest will win.

A splintered personality struggles with itself, is not conscious of all parts of itself and lives in fear of those aspects that threaten that it seeks.

When we are in need of healing, we can intentionally treat ourselves with compassion.

So the upshot of this for menopausal women is that we feel lots of opposing forces at work, causing us to be drained emotionally and physically. The best solution I have found is to spend some time alone, resting, recouping and getting back in touch with my Light; then my focus and true intention can surface (not what society, or other people intend for us, but what we truly desire). This is my own unscientific observation of myself and those close to me going through menopause.

One day this summer I sat and wrote:

A woman's core essence
feeling above all, yet
thinking in the light
that includes myself and others:

what do I have to show for?
what do I receive, and give?
what silence will teach me?
what quiet mind will fill me with?
what listens at the bottom of the well
like a soul?
what lies in the movement of water
at the bottom of silence
what silences my core, essence of me
what listens to my core, silent
what receives me, in my core of silence
where I am,
where I am received, there I am
full of silence and feeling
complete.

luv
musemother

Ms Menopause creates

Ms Menopause

In my bottom drawer, underneath the silky pyjamas I hardly wear and some old bathing suits, I have a great pin-on button that says I love my Menopause: J'aime ma menopause!

A while ago, I attached it to a small round leopard skin pillbox hat. When I put on my matching long gloves, and wear my pointy fake leopard skin glasses, I transform into my alter-ego, Ms Menopause.

Watch for her appearance in a neighborhood near you.

What does she do? she brings you good news, that menopause is a blessing, not a curse.

She brings red candles and red costume jewellery in scarlet gift bags for women celebrating their Crone-dom at a menopause party.

She bakes cupcakes and decorates them with red icing and big hearts! If you're lucky she'll organize a potluck lunch and sing Happy Crone's Day to you.

She tells bawdy jokes and helps women laugh about their sweaty nightgowns and faulty thermostats.

She dresses up as Ishtar,Queen of Heaven at the full moon and lies on her lounger while other women have their monthly periods, encouraging them to take the day off.

She reminds us to breathe from the belly and not get our knickers in a knot when patience wears thin.

She carries around a bag of nettle tea, oatstraw and black cohosh to bring harmony into our hormones.

Ms Menopause is a only a figment of my imagination, but I think she would do good things in the world.

Remember, what you resist will persist.
What you bless flourishes, what you curse falters.

Don't look at your body in the mirror and tell yourself how flabby you're getting or how wide your thighs are spreading. Love every inch of this amazing body from Venus.

musemother
alias ms menopause