Creative Soulful Woman

As you can see, there have been no new posts since 2012, when my new book came out.

Since then, I've joined the 60's club, and have moved away from the menopause discussion.

But this blog remains, and has some excellent resources for any woman headed out onto that journey of ups and downs and rollercoaster ride.

Please browse the articles and blog posts here. Know that the Mid-Life Transition is more than just menopause.

It affects all of us. Carl Jung wrote that this was a key transition time in human beings, and requires time for reflection, looking back at our past. We restory the old stories, the baggage, the pain we have been lugging around, and sometimes we find a surprise beginning!

So check out this page, but come and visit me on my Creative Soulful Woman blog, or on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest (all of which are linked from my website http://jenniferboire.com/ 

Namaste,
Peace,

Jennifer
www.jenniferboire.com

The Tao of Turning Fifty Book Launch

Now available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Turning-Fifty

Also linked to www.jenniferboire.com under Books. Plus a free excerpt.

This book addresses the oftentimes overwhelming journey of the mid-life woman, and offers tips and exercises for finding calm int he middle of the storm.  It encourages you to give yourself a break, before you get a break down. There is a struggle in most women about being selfish versus beginning to take the time for self care, and inner reflection, but we benefit when we put ourselves on the agenda - take time to sort things out, write in our journal. This is also a workbook, with journal pages, calming and centering breath exercises, and mostly, encouragement that you are not going crazy. Menopause is not a disease - it's an important transition in a woman's life and part of her inner journey.

This book grew out of my research for a blog on menopause (here) and now that the book is done, I'm blogging over at Musemother. See sidebar for a link.

namaste,
Musemother/jenn

Heroic Task of Menopausal Women

Women are unique beings. We go through many phases in our life, on this heroic feminine journey. First the transformation from child to adolescent, the budding body, the menstrual cycle, initiating us into the blood mysteries.

Then for some, pregnancy and childbirth - the complete transformation of our bodies to harbor for a new life, the giving over of oneself to another, as Joseph Campbell says, transformation from maiden to mother. This has always implied a bit of risk and danger, and loss of blood; less so in contemporary times in most countries. Still, it is a major change, sometimes inconvenient (when you can't bend over to tie your shoes), causing mood swings and happiness and sacrifice, joy and frustration. Breastfeeding can be joyful but oh so life-changing in terms of our schedule and lifestyle adjustments.

Then, we're not done changing. The Change arrives sometimes in our mid-forties, announces itself gently or loudly, pushes and pulls us in hormonal swings, hot and cold, yet again. This time, the blood is on its way out. And greater wisdom or connection to our intuition is coming in. Something is lost, but something important is gained.  A woman is ripe with her own knowing, learns to speak up for herself, embodies compassion if she is gentle with herself.

Women are unique, yes, and I believe it is a woman's goal or task to learn awareness of her cycle all the way along - from birth to menarche, from giving birth to menopause.

This blog and Musemother blog (where I more frequently write) address that rite of passage. I believe the most important tool a woman has is her self-awareness, and journal writing is a beautiful tool for knowing oneself.

The Tao of Turning Fifty will launch on Amazon by Feb. 9 (next week), and every woman in her forties (and sixties) will benefit from the information in this book, from Where Did My Libido Go, to I Need to Get Away, Why Rest is Radical and Tools for Inner Guidance, this workbook allows you to journal along with it, and answer your own questions.  Enjoy the journey. A link will be posted on the website www.jenniferboire.com as soon as it is ready. Many of the chapters in this book came from the blog.

Feminine Knowing and Menopausal Journey

Is menopause merely the cessation of your period?  is it about losing your memory and having hot flashes? losing your fertility? Or is it a mid-life reorientation project?

This a journey you are embarking on, a deeper phase to your woman's journey, a developing and a continuing and an unknowing. It feels to me like being in a labyrinthe in the woods, a circular path that branches out and leads in so many different directions it's easy to get lost.

What is the path of a woman's life?  especially a woman who decides to have children, who gives over her body to create another body.  How does she regain her centre (if she has lost it)? and how does she keep those boundaries clear - me, us, them? How does she find herself again? Menopause is part of that journey.

Menopause is not an overnight thing. It creeps up on you slowly. You don't notice it happening until one day you realize your period hasn't come this month, and your pregnancy test comes back negative.  Then it comes back the next six months so you forget there's something going on.  Or your PMS increases to two weeks out of the month, and if you really stop and look at it, you see your emotional landscape is a little out of control.  Or maybe you aren't sleeping well at night and not even Chamomile tea or hot milk helps calm the little gerbil on its cage running all night long in your brain.

There are many many symptoms, and lots of websites to describe them to you. What this blog tries to point to is not the symptoms, but the journey.  It's as if you are on the highway to Ottawa from Montreal, and took a side road without realizing it.  You look up and wonder where you are, the landscape doesn't look familiar, the trees are in the wrong place, and the road signs post names of towns you don't remember or recognize. You need to figure out where you are.

Honour your not knowing by standing still.  The first thing to do when you feel lost, is to stop. Stop running in circles, stop pretending you know where you are.  Stop and ask for help.

Someone who has been there before may help you. Someone who has been lost and found the way again.

This mid-life woman's way has been largely uncharted till recently.  The women who came before us were told they didn't matter, or they were second best.  Or their uterus was hysterical. The male hero story describes the quest of the masculine, but where are the stories of the feminine quest?

There are wise women who are writing now about women's cycles, women's journey, woman's life trajectory, especially about menopause.  Browse this website for some of their articles, for reviews of their books, for mention of the sacred journey.

It is time to honour your own knowing.  Begin with admitting you don't know, and stay with the question. Questing. Know that the way out is the way in.  Going down and in will lead you up and out.

And watch www.questinggirl.blogspot.com for all new postings. I am working on a book for women in mid-life called The Tao of Turning Fifty, and a new website and classes to go with it, sometime in 2011.

Take good care now,
Musemother/Jenn

Weight Gain in Menopause

"women and men may be closer in size than the males and females of some other great apes not because men have been freed of the selective pressure toward enlarged body size but because women have been under some pressure to become fairly large themselves. Assuming that women have been selected for enhanced longevity - a long life after menopause - it helps to have a respectable body mass to persist through the decades. Large animals generally live longer than small animals. Many factors besides lifespan influence the evolution of a female's body size, including habitat, method of locomtion, diet and the demands of pregnancy and lactation....but it is possible that in the triangulating, negotiatingt process of adaptive change, women's physiology has seen a modest thrust toward maximizing body size while still remaining with the developmental constraints of reproductive demands. 

Afer all,women are the second largest female primates on the planet, bested only female gorillas who weigh an average of 185 pounds, compared to our nonobese norm of 125-130 pounds. Women are bigger than female orangutans, who weigh less than 100 pounds an dconsiderably bigger than female chimpanzees or bonobos. By comparison, men, with their standard weight of 160 pounds are much smaller than male gorillas, and smaller too than male organutans who average 200 poundes.

....what I am doing is offering grist for the argument that women need muscle mass more than men do, and that ... we must take the hint and make the most of our long-lived vessel. We need muscle....we have an extraordinary capacity for strength, the more impressive given our comparatively low levels of testosterone....Women are workhhorses in most of the developing world (carrying loads on ther heads or backs for miles and miles).  If the world's women went on strike, the world of work would effectively stop...."

The gist of her argument is that.. in the West, longevity has increased while the need for physical strength has declined. We are living longer....and we need muscle more than ever to protect our health. If we exchange muscle for fat as we age, we having nothing to shield our bones and weather illness.

fascinating book, by Natalie Angier, Woman, An Intimate Geography,

Great articles on menopause

One of the great advantages to the web and to this blog is the speed with which we can discover or uncover new information.

I've been thinking about rewriting the front section of the Tao of Turning 50, a manual for peri-menopause, but busy in the car doing errands all morning.  Just got home and my sister had left me an email with a website link from a wholistic pharmacist in Calgary, friend of hers, and someone who writes about menopause with great intelligence and scientific knowledge.

Here's the link: to RoseMarie Pierce's article on menopause:
http://www.sunstreams.ca/023_MenopausalYea.html

and there are some wonderful articles about PMS and the hormonal imbalances that contribute to it.
Most of us think we need estrogen, and she points out that estrogen dominance and low progesterone also are culprits of PMS and menopausal symptoms.

thanks for sharing, Sue
always on the look-out for wise women input,

Jenn/musemother

Honour the Feminine Quest

What is it to enter menopause? is it merely the cessation of your period? is it a mid-life reorientation project? is it about losing your memory and having hot flashes? losing your fertility?

Or is this a journey you are embarking on, a deeper phase to your woman's journey, a developing and continuing and an unknowing. It feels to me like a labyrinthe in the woods, a circular path that branches out and leads in so many different directions it's easy to get lost.

What is the path of a woman's life?  especially a woman who decides to have children, who gives over her body to create another body.  How does she regain her centre (if she has lost it)? and how does she keep those boundaries clear - me, us, them? How does she find herself again? Menopause is part of that journey.

Menopause is not an overnight thing. It creeps up on you slowly. You don't notice it happening until one day you realize your period hasn't come this month, and your pregnancy test comes back negative.  Then it comes back the next six mnnths so you forget about it.  Or your PMS increases to two weeks out of the month, and if you really stop and look at it, you see your emotional landscape is a little out of control.  Or maybe you aren't sleeping at night and even Chamomile tea or hot milk doesn't help the little gerbil on its cage running all night long in your brain to calm down.

There are many many symptoms, and lots of websites to describe them to you. What this blog tries to point to is not the symptoms, but the journey.  It's as if you were on the highway to Ottawa from Montreal, and took a side road without realizing it.  You look up and wonder where you are, the landscape doesn't look familiar, the trees are in the wrong place, and the road signs post names of towns you don't remember or recognize. You need to figure out where you are.

Honour your not knowing by standing still.  The first thing to do when you feel lost, is to stop. Stop running in circles, stop pretending you know where you are.  Stop and ask for help.

Someone who has been there before may help you. Someone who has been lost and found the way again.

A woman's way has been largely uncharted till recently.  The women who came before us were told they didn't matter, or they were second best.  The male hero story describes the quest of the masculine, but where are the stories of the feminine quest?

There are many wise women who are writing now about women's cycles, women's journey, woman's life trajectory, especially about menopause.  Browse this website for some of their articles, for reviews of their books, for mention of the sacred journey.

It is time to honour your own knowing.  Begin with admitting you don't know, and stay with the question. Questing. 

I am enough

During the menopausal journey, all kinds of old ghosts have come back to haunt me.

Unfinished dreams from adolescence (so you think you can dance/act/sing?). Unfinished loves: remember that boy in Grade 11 who idolized you? maybe you thought he was too immature, even if he was cute. You took him for granted at the time. Maybe he really saw you. Maybe you feel like you want to be really seen that way again.

I found all kinds of circles coming back at me in my forties. In my last year of high school, I was in a dance/mime play of Inuit legends called the Land before Time. It was one of the highlights of my creative life to be chosen for that play, to have rehearsals in the National Arts Center and a tour of high schools in the Ottawa area for 2 weeks (off school, too).

Later, I hooked up with one of the women who was in the play with me, who now lives in Montreal and we became good friends again. One of my unfinished dreams was to be involved with theatre once more, and Jo and I began a project to put a long poem series of my friend Carolyn Souaid, Sedna, on stage (which just happened to be based on an Inuit legend). We hired two actresses and began rehearsals, and during that time, Jo gave me the director of the Student Young Company, Dennis Hayes' email address. He sent me the text of Land Before Time, which absolutely blew my mind, to come full circle with that piece. Our production of Sedna played one night only for the Circus of Words, a night of poetry in performance. But it brought me a lot of satisfaction to be involved with 'theatre people' again.

I also had the chance to clear up some ancient longings and meet with former love interests, to close the door on the 'what if' scenarios my mind was cooking up. There was a lot of unfinished business that came to a head in my forties.

Now, I've just turned 55, and recently received a birthday card from a close friend that said, Jenn, you are so serene, you've changed since I've known you. Is this what post-menopause looks like? I had to laugh, and gave her a big hug of thanks. Yes, this is how it feels, once the rollercoaster of emotions has calmed down, the night sweats are over, and sleep is your friend again.

So this post is about closing the circle, and probably new ones begininng. It is the end of something, for me. One cycle has finished. Another one begins.

I am at peace with myself. I am surrounded by wondferful women friends. I am still married to my best friend. And I feel finally ready to send my work out to the world, to share what I am learning along the way.

blessed be,
Jenn/musemother

The way of going down, of letting go

A woman in the middle of her life may need to go through a down time, to journey into her depths; it may even look like a depression. She may need some time in isolation to find her own inner powers – connection to her body, her emotions and her sexuality, her intuition, her values, and her soul. She may feel as if she doesn’t know where she is going, what’s coming next. It’s a time of passage in-between – letting go of the old self, not sure of the new self yet. It may imply a change of job, or of roles (mother to grandmother), a divorce, grown kids leaving home, dying parents.

Menopause is a time of dying to the old way and opening up to a new way of being. Sometimes it is difficult to live this change, to accept the end of one thing and open our hearts and arms to a new self. It is not a linear journey.

It helps to look at this as a sacred journey. We do the careful work of an archeologist, excavating in the dark, in dreams and memory for the lost pieces of our selves.

“In the middle of the journey of our life, I found myself within a dark woods, where the straight way was lost.” Dante, quoted in Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser.

It takes a great amount of trust to surrender to a higher power, trust the life force, admit we feel lost and let God’s will be done. Sometimes the choice seems limited – either break down or break open, as Lesser puts it so well in her book.

Have you had dreams of feeding or birthing a baby who needs to be fed but has been neglected almost to the point of dying? This may represent an urgent need to reconnect with your own wisdom, your own knowing. And subsequently be reborn as a sensual being, cherishing and nourishing your female body, recognizing that you embody the sacred feminine.

Sumerian goddess Inanna’s story is an example of a dark night or initiation. In her descent to the underworld lies a story of a dying of the outer self and a rebirth. It is an archetypal story for soul growth, by one of the earliest writers in history on clay tablets, Princess Enheduanna of Akkad in Sumeria, 2300 BCE (translation from tables discovered in 1940’s).

The Descent of Inanna: (taken from Joan Borysenko's book)
“Inanna prepares to descend to hell to visit her sister Erishkegal, queen of the Underworld. She instructs her loyal friend and servant Ninshubur to wait for 3 days at the entrance to the Underworld and if she doesn’t come back to call upon the gods for help. Then she girds herself with all her powers, a crown on her head, a circle of lapis beads under her neck, to strands of gems over her heart, a wondrous breastplate, a gold ring for a bracelet, royal robes and a lapis measuring rode and line.

Seeing her coming, arrayed in all her glory, the Gatekeeper Beti calls his mistress Erishkegal – she instructs him to open each of the seven doors just a crack, so that in squeezing through Inanna will have to divest herself of one power at each gate and arrive bowed low and powerless before her.

At the first gate Beti removes the crown of Inanna’s intellect. At the second gate: her lapis necklace (power to defend herself through speech); At the third gate, he removes the double strand of beads over her heart, the twin flames of wisdom and compassion. At the fourth gate he removes the breastplate called ‘come, man, come’ through which she can summon the help of men through her charisma. At the fifth gate he removes the golden ring from her wrist, curtailing her power to strike back. At the sixth gate, the laps measuring rod and line are taken so that she cannot divine her bearings. At the seventh gate her royal robes are stripped away, her outer personality, her ego.

Inanna as naked and defenseless as a newborn is ushered into the throne room before Erishkegal. There, the seven fierce Annuna, judges of the Underworld, surround Inanna and pass judgment against her. Erishkegal fastened on her the eye of death, and spoke against her the word of wrath. She uttered against her the cry of guilt. She struck her. Inanna was turned into a corpse, a piece of rotting meat, and was hung from a hook on the wall.”

Meanwhile, the faithful Ninshubur has waited for three days and three nights for her mistress to return. She suspects foul play and begins a loud lament, accompanied by the beating of drums. She dons a simple mourning dress and hurries off to the gods to ask for help in saving the queen of heaven and earth. Father Enlil, god of air, refuses aid. She asked for it, but he grumbles. “Whoever receives the powers of the Underworld has to stay there.” Then she goes to Father Nanna, god of the moon, and begs him to save Inanna. He is as grumbly as Enlil and will not lift a finger for his daughter for she has chosen her destiny. Finally Ninsubur visits Enki, the god of wisdom who had gifted Inanna with the fourteen me, the blessings of power, to begin with. Enki is distraught, filled with love and concern for his beautiful daughter, the holy priestess of heaven.

Enki scrapes dirt from beneath his fingernails and fashions two odd and wonderful creatures, neither male nor female. To the kurgarra he gives the food of life, to the falatur the water of life. He instructs them to sneak into the underworld like flies through the cracks in the gates and gifts them with the secret of love’s true power.

Queen Erishkegal is in great pain, giving birth, writhing naked and uncovered. He tells the creatures to mirror her pain – oh my insides, oh my outsides. Oh my belly, and this they do. The queen is so touched at being acknowledged and seen, that she is willing to grant these two creatures whatever they want. They ask for Inanna’s corpse, hanging form the hook on the wall. As instructed, they sprinkle food of life and water of life, and Inanna rises up out of death.

The seven judges grab her and inform her she must replace herself with someone else or she can’t leave. The galla, demons from hell, go with her. They pick Ninshubur, but Inanna refuses to give up her loyal friend. Next they try to claim Shara, Inanna’s son, who is grieving his dead mother, dressed in sackcloth. Inanna, sees her husband Dumuzi, sitting on his throne, resplendent in garments of me, reveling to music, not in mourning at all – and she is infuriated, feels dishonoured, unloved. So she fastened the gaze of death on him, and the word of wrath, the cry of guilty (like Erishkegal). The galla clutch him, but he turns into a snake and slithers away. Dumuzi’s sister prays that she might be taken to hell instead of her brother, Innana agrees to a compromise, Dumuzi will stay in hell for 6 months of the year, his sister the other 6. (The alternation of light and dark prefigures many myths of agrarian cultures). A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko

Inanna descended to meet her own shadow, death, and the judgments it held of her, so she could reclaim true power she had been gifted with (wisdom and love). Enki had gifted her with the mastery of truth and the art of lovemaking.

Exercise –

Dying to old Self: what time is it in my life?




What is it Time to let go of?




Draw a clock on a sheet of paper, and circle the time on it.

Is it 11:00? Near the end of a cycle?
Or 9 am, near the beginning?
Or noon, right in the middle?
.

Health Bloggers Vote Now

Hey people
Just got invited to join the People's Health Blogger Award contest for best health blog with Wellsphere.

I invite you to browse this blog, and if you like what you see, Vote for me! on the sidebar.
here is what I've been blogging about over there (and they link to my wisdomforwomen blog as well).

Healing Ourselves (recent Wellsphere blogpost)

The one single most important thing I have learned about menopause, and it has been a wonderful learning opportunity, is about self-care.

There is no fast easy way through menopause. For some of us, it's an emotional roller coaster (I raise my hand on that one). For others, it's hot flash season and lack of sleep that has them tossing and turning.

Others swear they never felt a thing, hardly noticed anything had changed (just too busy I guess, or in prime shape).

Menopause is not an illness. But it does require you to pay attention to your health. In fact, most of the symptoms arise from our body-mind connection - too tired? not getting enough sleep? never stopping to take care of yourself? eating on the run? burning the candle at both ends? adrenaline junkie? your body will let you know what you need to do. Mostly, it involves slowing down, taking stock, being real with yourself.

What do you really need right now? A nap may be enough, or a trip to the osteopath or ayurvedic consultant. Or maybe some help with taking care of your elderly parents.

Most women I know are working moms, or just working. We easily get over busy and over burdened with things we do for others. The last person on our list is ourself.

I invite you to browse my blog/website www.msmenopause.blogspot.com for articles on and tips on how to take better care of yourself.

For health related information on symptoms, the best site ever is www.womentowomen.com. I've used them as a resource for over two years now and have found they are way ahead of everyone else, mixing holistic and western approaches with success.

So ladies, it begins with you, with me. It does get better. It does require serious slowing down. Listen to your body, it is your best teacher.

Jennifer
aka musemother

10 Best Things about Menopause

"The joy of menopause is the world's best-kept secret. Like venturing through the gateway to enter an ancient temple, in order to claim that joy a woman must be willing to pass beyond the monsters who guard its gate. As you stand at the brink of it, it can appear that only darkness, danger and decay lie beyond...but as thousands of woman from all cultures throughout history have whispered to each other, it is the most exciting passage a woman ever makes." Leslie Kenton, Passage to Power

The Ten Best Things about Menopause are:

1. Freedom to have sex without worry of getting pregnant, No more birth control.
2. Rediscovering my own interests, now that my children have grown older.
3. Rediscovering my life as a couple, more time for just the two of us (see #1).
4. Time alone: indulging in my need for time alone without guilt.
5. Finding my Voice: having a say, speaking my truth, speaking up.
6. Creativity Sparked: letting go of the old, making room for the new creative spirit.
7. Knowing my own body, getting comfortable with its shapes, quirks, needs
8. Growing my intuition, claiming my women's wisdom.
9. Healing time: allowing myself to rest, nap or do nothing; pampering myself without feeling guilty. Sometimes it's all about me
10. Inner Journey: looking deeply, listening, writing, reflecting on the inner life becomes a need.

What are your 10 best things?

jenn

Menopause Quotes

“Orangutans do not go into menopause. Chimpanzees do not need extract of mare pee. …Only in human females does the fertility program shut down years before death.”
(Woman, An Intimate Geography, Natalie Angiers)

“In peri-menopause our brains are being rewired to live with more inner wisdom, to adapt to a more direct current (intuition); and we may experience insomnia, forgetfulness and depression. It takes a great deal of courage and faith to go through this change, and some women go through painful breakdowns before they are ready to relinquish the struggle for control.” The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup

“All the emotional and psychological change of the peri-menopausal years are to the entire life cycle as the week before one’s period is to the monthly cycle. All the issues that have been occurring pre-menstrually and which perhaps had been avoided till now- should I quit my job? Should I stay in this relationship – now come up and hit us between the eyes rather relentlessly, demanding that they be dealt with at this time.” (Northrup, Wisdom of Menopause).

"Do not become alarmed when you experience yourself in totally new ways," sighs Grandmother Growth tenderly. "You are changing, getting ready to be initiated into the third stage of your life. Are you ready for the ride of your life?"Susun Weed, Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way


“In this culture we are told to set goals. We are supposed to know where we are going and then take specific steps to get there. But this is not always possible, or even wise. It is the male model of linear, rational thinking. But the life process of women…is more chaotic and disorderly, more circular and intuitive. Sometimes we can’t see the next horizon until we step out of the old life. We don’t yet know where we are going. We may not know the place until we arrive.” A Woman’s Journey to God, Joan Borysenko

Hot Flash Clash of Hormones

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/menopausal-mom-pubescent-teen-hormone-hell/article1215931/

Check out the above link to an article in the Globe & Mail today called Hot Flash Clash - about the prevalence of menopausal women with hormonal teenagers, due to women putting off child-birth until their thirties, and the issues that arise.

As a 54 year-old with a 17 year old daughter and almost 19 year old son, I can say, been there done that, and it wasn't pretty. But we're doing ok now.

I didn't put off having kids on purpose - I did get married later than some, at 29, then went back to university. We were actively trying to get pregnant (at least the conscious part of me was, who knows about the ambivalence underneath and how that affected things). It took seven years and two miscarriages, but we finally did have two full-term pregnancies, two wonderful children 20 months apart. I was 36 for the first one, 38 for the second. I had no idea that meant I'd be a menopausal crone while my daughter was entering her maiden voyage.

Hormones are a tricky thing. I think my hormonal odyssey and emotional turbulence began right after the let-down after pregnancy - all those -feel-good hormones that had floated me through nine-months of blimpdom, crashed. Or was it the sleepless nights and constant anxiety? anyway somewhere after baby #2 in the midst of my master's degree, I found myself slamming cupboard doors and getting irrationally upset with my 2 year old. He had the terrible twos and I had the terrible almost 40's.

Needless to say, PMS was a monthly crisis, and increasingly into my 40's it became hard to handle the ups and downs. I was sane, I was not certifiable, but I had trouble managing my hormonal rollercoaster at ovulation and before my period - only now the 'before' period began two weeks before, right after ovulation.

I never went to the doctor for any of this, never was on the pill to regulate my hormones nor did I get them tested. But I did see a family counsellor for tips on managing my household and my angry outbursts.

Needless to say, menopause and puberty hitting at the same time was a major challenge. There were some herbal allies that helped me sleep and cope - Promensil, basically red clover in high doses, was a help. Evening Primrose oil and calcium also, but I did not discover the herb I love most now, Motherwort, until after menopause. It is a nerve and heart tonic that appears to take the edge off my angst, and goodness knows with two teenagers there is still angst, even after the hormones have calmed down.

My daughter was moodier than my son, and being a daughter clashed more heartily with her mother. We have our best talks when we are in the car, not looking at each other. My son has surfed the wave of his hormones as a burly caveman type, grunting rather than conversing, but now has come out of the cave to show his human side.

During menopause (or the peri-menopause period from age 45-51 in my case), I didn't sleep well, overreacted emotionally, was alternately in their face and distant, and needed to be alone alot. My daughter slept alot, used Advil for cramps, and saw an osteopath for lower back pain and cramps. She started menstruating at 14, and is just getting regular in the past year I would say. So both of us are sailing better through choppy waters.

While there is no perfect age to have children, I'd have to say that the older a woman gets, and the closer she gets to her menopausal journey, the more introspection and alone time she may need. This may clash with her family's needs - she might feel they ask too much of her, or realize that she is giving more than she can afford to for her energy level.

It is always a time of reflection on where you are in your life, what you feel you have accomplished and where you want to change. It is not called The Change for nothing. But there is no reason for it be disruptive to others, if you are forewarned. So take good care of yourself, be conscious of what is simmering under the surface. Whatever is buried and left unconscious will make itself known, so be sure you are not taken by surprise by these turbulent winds.

In other words, Deal with It. Sweeping it under the carpet will not help your teenagers who are also Dealing with It.

musemother

Are You Too Sensitive?

Menopause is a huge teacher for me. Whatever ideas I have about myself are changing. It's no longer good enough to sweep my feelings and emotions under the carpet. Even if I wanted to, they tend to explode out of me.

Why are some of us more sensitive? Susun Weed says that at menopause all our senses are heightened, our ears, eyes, nose and mouth. And especially our emtoional body - "I feel untruths as physical discomfort," she writes.

While I was pregnant, and for months after childbirth, I remember feeling akin to a mother wolf or bear - I could hear my baby cough from 2 floors below, I could sense in my body when it was time to nurse, even before the milk reflex came in. My nerves were also more edgey, and the slightest thing made me cry.

Normally we consider this a liability, not an asset. But what if this is a survival instinct, bred in us to keep us alive? "Let us honor the heightened sensitivites of the Crones. our communities depend on the Crones' irritability for their survival. In their sensitivity, the Crones are irritated first by that which has the ability to poison all of us, whether it is a food, a feeling, or a rule."
Susun Weed, Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way.

There are herbal remedies and flower remedies for soothing an overly sensitive system so you can sleep, work and eat without too much problem (oatstraw and walnut). Maybe all you need is some time alone to sort through your sensitivities. Maybe the emotional turmoil needs more breath work, more grounding in the body through yoga, or prana exercises. Ayurvedic medecine suggests that the liver needs care when we feel overly irritable (milk thistle, dandelion). Calcium soothes the nerves. Gardening, walking in nature, and lowering your caffeine intake may also be beneficial.

Learning to turn down the noise outside you, the tv, stereo, car radio and listening to the birds instead is a wonderful way to quiet the world.

Be gentle, less demanding of yourself. Understand your rhythms and moods and listen in - give yourself solitude, serenity and surrender to your inner needs. Accept the gift of sensitivity and nurture your creative side. Allow yourself whatever it is you need right now to feel taken care of, soothed, rocked and cossetted like a baby.

take care
musemother

Follow-up on thyroid

No, my thyroid is fine. That pressure you feel at your throat is anxiety, dear, says the good doctor.

Hmmm....

What I do know is that I can relax my jaw and open my throat without fear.

Singing while relaxed is so much more fun anyway.

Let whatever energies are blocked flow.

These words from "I am a woman finding her own voice" resonated with me today....

"Trying to protect myself from these dangers {of looking foolish, being rejected, of loving, losing love, of being vulnerable} by being overly careful or withdrawn limits me and my spontaneity; it makes me fearful and tight insead of relaxed and open. Life becomes much less fun and much more exhausting...My true safety lies not in keeping myself out of danger by avoiding THE RISKS OF FULLY ENGAGING IN LIFE, but by remembering that no matter what life brings me, I am strong enough, smart enough, loving enough, vital enough, intersted and curious enough to handle, learn and grow from it."

Breasts,Hormones and Menopause

Did you know that your breasts have a monthly cycle too? Not only do our uteruses slough off old cells every month, but the ducts and glands in our breasts are also going through a monthly flux, according to this article written by the doctors at
http://www.womentowomen.com/breasthealth/fibrocysticbreasts-hormones.aspx.

I find it fascinating that we know so little about our own bodies, and am grateful to the dedicated scientists who are doing research to discover how we can maintain optimal health for all our parts.

I have been going to get yearly mamograms since the age of 45, because of a maternal aunt who had breast cancer. It's a special clinic in Montreal with high quality thermograph machines as well as the 'breast squishing' radiation.

While I want to care about my health, and have yearly check-ups with a GP, this past year I cancelled the mammogram. Every two years will give me less radiation exposure, and I will continue with the monthly self-exam.

Plus, in the above linked article, I discovered some self-care tips that I can do at home to take care of 'the girls'.

First of all, get to know them, their lumps and bumps, and if you have fibrocystic breasts, know that you can even give them a nice massage to help with the cleansing and circulation of lymph in the body.

At menopause the hormones are stabilizing, and so you may have fewer symptoms of bloating and swelling with pain.

But if you have breast pain, evening primorose oil has been shown to be helpful.
A diet lower in animal fat and processed meats, with no trans fats, and organic dairy, eggs and meat will promote good breast health.

Things to avoid: salt, alcohol, caffeine, chocolate, (tea also). White sugar and flour, natch.
Things to increase: veggies, fruit, fiber from whole grains, beans and seeds.
Natural diuretics: cucumbers, celery and parsley.
Multi-vitamins, and daily exercise to keep the lymph circulating in the body.

Most of this is well-known and common sense.

One thing the article brings up is the role of iodine in our diets - and since our thyroids are acting up sometimes at menopause, it may be a good idea to get your iodine levels tested as well. (read the article for a full explanation).

Most of all, love your breasts and treat them tenderly, not with fear, as you check them each month. Soon there may be a blood test for breast cancer, so we won't need this ritual, which is sometimes a bit fear inducing.

take good care,
musemother

Menopause and Mothering

Dear menopausal babes and mothers,

Hope you all are taking good care of yourselves.

There is no better remedy (ready-me as my friend Susan says) than self-care, self-love.

You may be going through an up and down time, an inside-out time, a feeling upside down time.

The way you care for yourself is indicative of the way you care for others, and vice-versa.

Can you stop for a moment, and remember the last time you gave yourself an encouraging word, a big hug, a moment of stillness and reflection, a minute to listen in? I read recently that stopping for 5 minutes to look out the window was a great stress reliever. Getting outside at lunch time instead of eating hunched over your desk is also a great thing to do, especially in Spring. Talking to a friend reduces high blood pressure and feelings of overwhelm.

You are the only vehicle you have to get to the other shore, wherever that is. Drive it with care. Don't keep your foot on the brake pedal, don't rev up the engine and pop wheelies all the time either. Take it slow and easy, whenever possible, especially during this Make-over Transitional time in your life.

Listen to your body's wisdom, listen to your gut feeling. It never lies. It expects less of you than you imagine. It just wants time to play, as well as time to work. It wants time to have fun, time to undo the 'should's, time to work out the knots in your shoulders. Time to breathe, time to stretch, time to take in the beauty of this moment.

Take the time, ladies, cause it doesn't come around again. This time is your time.

Your children and families will appreciate a calmer, happier you, so please take care.

Enjoy the Mother's Day message - you do make a difference to someone. You are special, and you are worth taking care of :)

hugs and wishes for loving kindness,
jenn/musemother

Befriend you body, find your core balance

Today I heard something new from my cleaning lady Georgia about weight gain and menopause. She said her doctor told her that with the increase in male hormones, women start gaining weight on the upper part of their body, from the waist up.

I have experienced the opposite, everything flowing downwards. Maybe this is explained by genetics and body shape - apple being round on top, with thin legs, and pear shape tending to be heavier around the bottom and thighs.

Whatever shape you have, your weight may change during menopause. I am actually losing weight, partly due to going gluten-free. Thyroid problems can also cause weight gain or loss, so I am definitely going to have this checked at my annual check-up in May.

Whatever you do, first thing is to accept your body and love it - before you can make any changes, you need to stop being critical of yourself. It's an odd fact that when you begin to accept and love yourself, then changes can come, resistance is lowered.

My favourite website for factual information on medical issues for menopause is http://www.womentowomen.com/. They recently sent me an interesting article about weight gain.


"whether a woman is overweight or underweight, the first thing she can do for herself is befriend her body. Women are often too critical of the weight level that their bodies find most comfortable. Whether you look in the mirror and see yourself as “too much” or “too little,” obsessing about the extra curves (or the lack of them) is a major obstacle to finding your healthy weight."

"We can hold extra weight — or be unable to gain weight — during periods of hormonal imbalance, adrenal fatigue, digestive disorders, neurotransmitter imbalances, toxicity, and inflammation, just to name a few. Weight gain or loss can also be related to imbalance in our life choices. Exercising too much or too little, over — or under — emphasizing specific food groups so that we don’t have a balanced diet — even imbalances in our relationships or emotional lives can affect our weight!

Whether your goal is to lose weight or gain it, a key starting point is to recognize where your life and health are out of balance."

So ladies, find your balance and your weight problems may be over.
It is not as simple as just going on a diet - find out where in your life you need a make-over -

what do you need less of? what do you need more of?

are you stressed and over anxious? are you giving yourself any time alone, just to be still?

are you living at a pace that's too fast? or too slow?

take a few moments and write in your journal every day/week, about how you feel, where you are going, how you are doing, and maybe throw in some self-love, compassion and kindness instead of harsh self-criticism.

See if a little self-love and befriending will help you find balance,

nameste
musemother

Is this Menopause?

I don't know how many times I've heard that question - usually followed by a list of symptoms, physical or emotional, that make a woman wonder if, gee, at 42, I could be possibly experiencing menopause, at such a young age.

Often a trip to the doctor only confuses a woman, who has perhaps never missed a period yet, but is still wondering if the sleepless nights, or increased anxiety, or changes in her vaginal health, or lack of desire for sex, all these vague and indirect symptoms, could possibly be part of The Change. A doctor told my 42 year old friend during a pelvic examination that her uterus and vagina were young and healthy and she could still have more kids! (she already has 3, two teens and a seven year old, thank you very much!). You can't be in menopause, the doctor's say, you're too young!

But perimenopause can begin 10 years before you officially end menstruating. Some women begin in their late 30's! And at the very least, you should be aware that changes will be happening in your cycle in your early 40's - ovulation will be less regular, not 14 days after your last menstruation necessarily - my GP told me to be careful with contraception when I turned 40, because I could not count on my fertility period to be right in the middle of the cycle, it might begin the day after menstruating.

The other vague symptom that hits a lot of women in their 40's (way before they are thinking about menopause) is a desire to leave, to get away, to have more time alone to figure out where they are, who they are and what they want to do. You may call this a mid-life crisis, but it's not often a crisis - it's more likely an underlying angst, a questioning, the beginning of a quest for a self separate from all other relationships - mother, daughter, sibling, wife....

The need for a sabbatical from motherhood or marriage is never considered by most of us. We think the well of love and nurturing energy should be endless. It feels selfish to want to get away. To want to be alone. To fantasize a white room with no outside stimulation in which we could just be still, be quiet enough to hear our own voice.

And what would that voice tell us? That still, small voice so hard to hear in this busy, fast-paced world? It might shock us to think about leaving everything - but you may do as I did - and leave temporarily on retreat, then come back. Leave as often as you need to, and return. It doesn't have to be a year-long sabbatical. Maybe you just need an extended leave from being chief cook, bottlewasher and bread-winner (not to mention caring for aging parents, and in-laws).

So, yes, it could be menopause - or the beginnings of a 10-year long prep period - that is calling. It may be a call for self-care. It may be a wake-up call to prevent burn-out. It may be your body saying, whispering, cooing to you (or yelling): time for me, time for me to pay attention within, time for me to slow down and listen.

"When a woman stops doing she must learn how to simply be. Being is not a luxury; it is a discipline. The heroine must listen carefully to her true inner voice. That means silencing the other voices anxious to tell her what to do." The Heroine's Journey

Find that quiet space to do the questing in.

It is not a luxury. It is time.

take care
musemother

Menopause Time to Slow Down

What is it about menopause that strikes fear into the hearts of 40 year old women, most of whom will enter peri-menopause without even noticing it?

According to ancient Indian wisdom about life and health, menopause is simply the third phase of life, after childhood and pro-creative years. Our bodies move out of productive mode for making children, and move into creativity of another sort. Often, in the transition, women are letting go of their primary role of caretakers and turning within to ask themselves questions about where they want to go from here. And how they can give back to the world with their special talents. (or discover what these talents are).

Menopause is a reflective time, a time to slow down and go within for the answers. All our lives, we've been doing what's expected of us, fulfilling our roles as spouses, mothers, workers, and relationship-keepers. Now, we feel a strong urge to reassess, re-examine, reflect on our relationships as well as our jobs and parenting roles.

Instead of fearing old age, and breaking out in cold sweats (or hot flashes) at the very mention of this Change, we can welcome the shift in focus from outer to inner, and help it along. If we've been burning the candle at both ends, short-changing our bodies and our self-care, there will be a wake-up call. If we have been ignoring our emotional needs and relegating our inner life to the back burner, there may be the smell of smoke as burn-out hits, or depression, or accumulated anger and tears.

But the closer we are to self-knowledge, to understanding and accepting what we feel and what we need, the smoother our shift or transition will be.

Now is the time to bring a sense of balance, serenity, and harmony into your life. Stop doing whatever makes you crazy, make the choices that you've been putting off. Accept the call to slow down and enjoy your life. Put yourself on your "to do list", somewhere near the top, not at the bottom.

Remember the oxygen mask on the plane - put in on yourself first, then on your children, spouse, co-workers.

Savour the wisdom of life, taste the pleasure of knowing who you are and what you want. If you're not there yet,, ask the right questions of your self, and wait for the answers - if you feel restless, and can't sleep at night, don't reach for the anti-anxiety medication until you've looked inside for the answers.

And if you need help, by all means, check out the different options available; there are so many books out there now on the pleasures of menopause,& the herbal allies for menopause. Ayurvedic medicine has a very natural approach to this stage of life, and is one way of finding balance through diet and lifestyle, without medication.

Be well,
musemother

ps check out previous entries by clicking on the labels to the left.
Highly recommend The Wisdom of Menopause, the Secret Pleasures of Menopause by CHristiane Northrup; also Susun Weed's New Menopausal Years the Wise Woman Way.