Rest is Radical

How is it we get to mid-life so tired?

I was talking with my husband last night over supper, trying to remember if I was this tired and stressed about everything when I was in my 20's and 30's.  No, absolutely not, unless memory fails me (which it does regularly, but that's another topic).

Before kids is more to the point - we started late, due to miscarriages, and I had my first child at 36, second at 38 years old. Barely time for them to hit puberty before I hit peri-menopause and more lack of sleep. My daughter had just started sleeping full nights in her own bed, when I began demanding it was time for her to tuck me in at 9:00 p.m.  I was very tired.

Now, postmenopause, I can say that my energy levels are better. I can even stay up till 11:00 p.m. without yawning too much.  However, rest days and naps are a saving grace, and I think they are wonderful medicine, and very cheap.

For example, last Sunday, I had a huge list of things to do, furniture to put outside if it was nice, bicycles to pump up, a year's worth of bills to file, and a messy home office that needed organizing.  But we had had a very rich dinner the night before at Au Pied du Cochon http://cabaneasucreaupieddecochon.com/index.html. Suffice it to say that after the gravlax and buckwheat pancakes, pork and beef tourtiere, roast chicken, lobster stuffed cabbage, omelette, fried pork rinds (oreilles de crisse), and beef tongue, oh yes and the pea soup with foie gras starter, we could barely roll into our beds let alone roll out of them Sunday morning.

So we not only slept in, we had an afternoon nap after a hot bath.  It was a first for my husband, to ignore the list of spring cleaning items and just take it easy with a good book in the bathtub, then sleep in the afternoon. But how heavenly. And I thought, make this a real Sabbath, and take care of yourself for once.  Do not get up and read emails, or turn on the computer.  Unplug!

As you come into midlife, give yourself the gift of rest, at least once a week, and if you can make time every day! Rest is a radical option, cheaper than medication, and often all you need.

musemother
ps title taken from a chapter in The Piill, are yous ure it's for you, Jane Bennett and Alexandra Pope
http://www.wildgenie.com/books_fs.html

Winter Rest in Midlife

Snow hastens to reach ground
Up-gusts blow sideways
Water is harsh, moving to shore in a hurry
Waves bump rocks over the side and onto grass
Backyard view almost obscured by white
wind and shades of grey
island’s shoreline obliterated by violent tempest.

we are safe inside the window warm and heated
we are on solid ground watching white caps
winter showed up to day grizzly beard and big boots
white hair scraggled and long
not father Christmas with jolly belly and smiles
but burly lumberjack all bluster and blizzard
it is best to be inside, not venture out
it is wiser by far to stay put, drink chai from the red Chinese pot
read the I Ching for aphorisms
throw the coins and divine the future
“It will snow today, tomorrow and the next day” (says the
weatherman) so hunker down in the bedside bunker
with your little dog on your lap and the cats spread like living fur coats
ease the angst in the stomach about the list of things
take the day off
to dream and be remiss
you have an excuse to be late
to not return those library books
to miss an appointment
to stay home in bed and do nothing but read a novel

You have been blessed
with a snow day of rest.

The way of the conscious feminine

(excerpt from A Woman's Way, the tao of turning fifty by Jennifer Boire)

"It is difficult in life to find the Feminine Realm. The drawing of the water, the gathering of the grains no longer are performed under an open sky. ...The sense of her task as consecrated and necessary to the cosmos is gone. And I fear for women yet to come. For under the pressures of modern life, time has become compressed. The feminine sense of time has all but disappeared.

Yet woman cannot exist with only a linear awareness of time, for her sense of sacred Kairos time is the precious essence of life. There must be time enough for her to experience the sacredness within each moment and within herself...."
I sit listening to the wind (Judith Duerk, author of Circle of Stones)

According to Duerk, we have modeled ourselves on the masculine way, but the heroic task and journey of the masculine cannot provide what a woman needs to complete the journey of the conscious and developed feminine...we need a Feminine way.

"When a woman uses her energy only to reinforce what is outside of herself, she becomes cut off from her depths. Her own feelings and life values become inaccessible to her. She molds herself to external standards and loses touch with her individuality. She is cut off from all that is uniquely her own that could nourish her and those around her, cut off from the creative new answers so badly needed in the world today.… And her depths become enraged!

The whole wellspring of womanly creativity within her is furious for not being tapped."
from I Sit Listening to the Wind

Have you experienced this battle inside? A part of you that judges yourself harshly, strives to compete, be prepared, be on time, get things done, and runs steamroller over your own feelings or tiredness, your need for quiet time? Makes you feel guilty for needing down-time, playtime or rest? A force that keeps you primed to perform even at the expense of your own health.

Reading Duerk’s book, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek; yes, my body was saying, you have been tricked into this harsh attitude of performance and perfectionism, and you whip yourself harder because you have no faith in your own feelings or emotions, the heart side.

Focused on doing instead of being, the body resists, and by way of a message, my neck acts up. Freezes, cramps and gets so sore, that I have to quit working and rest....Ah, rest. I allow myself 30 minutes to lie on the lounge chair outside, in the last few sunny days of summer. I put down the book I am reviewing, and let myself nap. Get back in touch with my fatigue, my body's wisdom, and dream my own thoughts.....a woman dreaming the conscious feminine way.

I invite you to find a short space for yourself to rest in today, even if for a brief 5-10 minutes of closing your eyes at your desk, resting your eyes in the palms of your hands. Or a short walk at lunchtime out in the sun. Don't try and do it all without rest. Your children, your co-workers and friends, your parents and students will all benefit from a rested, calm, replenished and present, you.

nameste,
musemother

Rhythm of Life

Rhythm, cycle, flow, moon phases: we women cannot escape the fact that our lives are run by energies and cycles flowing through us of which we are mostly unaware.

It's taken me almost forty years to understand my cycle, and now I don't have one. Or do I?

I think that even menopausal women are affected by their monthly energies, and even daily energy changing, shifting. Nothing stays up, or down, for long.

A recent article about the connection between bright city lights and breast cancer pointed to a little known fact: that our pineal glands, deep in the middle of our brains (and called the Third Eye by some eastern cultures) secrete melatonin:

"Both human and animal circadian rhythms are driven by the day/night cycle and are synchronized with natural geomagnetic electromagnetic fields. The major control gland over this natural cycle is the pineal gland which secretes the neurohormone melatonin. During the day, light falling on the eye's retina produces signals which are biochemically amplified to stimulate the pineal gland to reduce its melatonin output. At night the absence of light with sleep stimulates the pineal gland to produce melatonin."

Apparently even a light as dim as a nightlight in your bathroom can shut down melatonin production, and some researchers are looking for a connection between this lack and the rise in breast cancers in urban areas.

Just one little cycle that is disturbed by our modern lifestyle. Think of all the other ways we are not in touch with our women's bodies and their monthly flow. Look at the moon tonight, for instance, and see where it is (we just had a full moon on the weekend, so after the waning of the moon is done, we'll have a new moon again).

Our cycles wax and wane just like the moon. If we are quiet and give ourselves time to reflect on our emotional and physical state just before our periods, we may notice that there is a pull to withdraw, to have more alone time. If we give ourselves what our inner self needs, who knows, maybe the symptoms of PMS would ease up a bit....

just one more way we can attune ourselves to the natural rhythms, cycles, phases, flow....

jenn

More than just hot flashes

I met some women from a book club I used to belong to over the weekend and mentioned a few of the things I'd noticed during peri-menopause. We all had a good laugh when we realized these were all things we'd experienced, and not had a clue were part of menopause.

The symptoms were subtle, and I was not sure they were connected until I read more about it.

My anxiety levels seemed increasingly volatile, sometimes triggered by relatively minor events. Once I was in the shower and felt my thoughts spirally out of control, but was able to calm myself down. I wondered if that was what a panic attack felt like - heart racing, breathing quickly.

Other symptoms include heart palpitations while lying down, not after any strenous exercise, joint pain, hair loss, dry skin, fuzzy thinking, vaginal dryness and urinary issues, feeling overwhelmed, digestive issues, these are all listed as symptoms on the http://www.womentowomen.com/ web site, an excellent source of medical information from doctors who work in the clinic in Maine started by Dr. Christiane Northrup.

So if you're feeling something is out of whack, it may or may not be connected to your peri-menopausal journey. Check it out at the website above; chances are your doctor doesn't know yet that symptoms of menopause can last 7-10 years before you stop having your period, which for some of us means in our early forties we are already having symptoms.

You are not going crazy, it's temporary and there are several good herbal sources that help immensely. Susun Weed's book New Menopausal Years the Wise Women Way is an increasingly valuable source of information for me. Nettle tea, for calcium absorption and nerves, motherwort tonic for heart and nerves, Oatstraw for lack of libido and dryness, there's a ton of remedies and good advice in this book. Most of which begins with the number one thing you should do when confronted with a symptom: rest, and see if that is all you need.

have a great day,
musemother/jenn

Fatigue and menopause

“Fall into my arms and sleep, offers Grandmother Growth. You don’t have to make this change happen; it will happen on its own. Let me hold you. Let go. Don’t resist. Rest. You are in the midst of the labor of giving birth to yourself as Crone. Of course you are tired. This is hard work.

Let the pushing energy of your uterus move your energy up to your crown, rather than down and out, as with menstrual blood and babies. This birthing of your wholeness is something you’ll retain, not something you’ll birth and give away. Rest in my strong arms. Take courage.” from New Menopausal Years, Susun Weed.

Dialogue with the Great Mother about exhaustion:

“Bring me your tired women” she said, “your weary and weak.”

The women were very tired – they were tired of working fourteen hour days; they were tired of schlepping children to daycare at 7 am and picking them up at 6 pm, of fighting over homework and of never having a minute alone with themselves, let alone their husbands, tired of changing toilet paper rolls and of picking up puppy poo, of being the only one who walks the dog and feeds the cats. They were tired of PMS, hot flashes and sleepless nights.

They were tired of driving their kids to karate, tae kwon do, brownies, cubs, guitar lessons, hip hop and ballet classes. They were tired of sore necks, bursitis and tendonitis from typing all day. They were tired from doing laundry at midnight and making breakfast at 5:30 a.m. They had tried physiotherapy, acupuncture, osteopathy and chiropractors. They had taken supplements, joined a gym, cut out carbohydrates, walked and jogged and step-classed themselves to even greater fatigue, and Great Mother, all they wanted was to lie down on the floor and rest their weary heads….

Yes, even the hair on their heads hurt, and their ears were sore from hearing Mommy I need this by tomorrow or I’ll get a detention….

And Great Mother replied…

Dear dizzy, busy daughters of Earth – yes, you do need to rest – you need to lie down on my grassy breast, or float in my salty waves – you need to give yourselves a break before you break a leg – or crack up in a nervous break-down.

Why can’t you rest? Why can’t you press the pause button? That is why I created meno-pause.

You’re not paying attention – listen carefully please – you were not created to Do It All Alone – there are no super moms or superwomen out there – Listen to what Ishtar, Queen of Heaven invented many thousand years ago – a Sabbatu, or heart’s rest at the full moon (when she was bleeding). This is your time to take a day off.

Long ago, a sacred day of rest was created – the Sabbath- on the full moon, a sacred day, a day to refresh and renew your energy, a much needed, blessed rest, once a week – from there you can reset your clock, your energy and give out again to your family, your job.

Come home to me. Receive my gift. You may have all the gold in the world, but without peace in the heart, you will never feel fulfilled or at rest.

My peace I give to you – make yourselves a sacred space, a space of quiet, without distraction, in nature or in your room:

light a candle, run a hot bath, or sit quietly in meditation, walk in the woods or listen to a babbling stream, take a nap, put on some soothing flute music, stretch your muscles in yoga, or lie in corpse pose on the rug - but these you must do regularly to feed the heart’s need for rest.

Find/make your own Sabbatu, for the body is your temple and the heart sits on its throne. Hearth and heart need a space to call Home,

My blessings always,
Queen of Heaven.

I open my heart in compassion and love to those I meet.
Knowing that I too, shall be loved and comforted in my turn.

Prayer from Kwan Yin, Buddhist goddess of compassion

Ordinary Women can change the world

Judith Timson has a great column in the Life Section of the Globe and Mail (www.globeandmail.com) today. She asks the question, how can ordinary women change the world when they are so tired? It's true that women of a certain age are wanting to step out of their lives and do more for others. And that we are exhausted from trying to juggle all our roles. It must be menopause.

Dr. Joan Borysenko calls this stage of life the Guardian Years. We want to share our knowledge and wisdom, protect the vulnerable, help grow the world into a better place. We are also learning how to speak up and be true to our own needs.

Maybe before we save the planet, women need to stop trying to do it all the way men have done it for years, subsequently dying from overwork and heart-attacks. Why are so many women experiencing stress or burn-out, usually women in the caring professions of teaching and nursing?

“Approximately one in three people is sleep deprived, complaining of exhaustion and trouble holding things together. We are an anxious and worried culture. Between 1990 and 1997, the number of doctors’ office visits for anxiety increased by 31 percent.

Unfortunately, many of the people who suffer in doctor’s offices are the health-care providers themselves. Some are so stressed that they have proceeded to the advanced state of exhaustion called burnout, which is a condition of mind, body and spirit that is distinctly different from stress.” (on Beating Stress & Burnout at www.joanborysenko.com)

In mid-life, our energy stores can become depleted. Our bodies start giving us messages about the need for self-care, often disguised as illness or fatigue. Often, we haven’t developed the habit of taking care of ourselves. That would be selfish.

I don’t think of self-care as selfish, but that’s because I learned the hard way, by breaking a leg, that I needed to ask for help. In mid-life I am learning to speak up about what I need help with. I ask my teenagers to cook once a week or at least help with supper and do dishes. I ask them to take care of their own rooms and laundry. I need help walking the dog on days when I work outside the home. Women with ailing parents have the double bind of working, caring/ cooking/shopping and cleaning for their parents, while keeping their own houses tidy and cooking healthy meals for their families. No wonder we’re tired.

My theory is that to restore balance, we need to honour our feminine life cycle. And of course, not only for women, but for weary men, too. Reinstate the Sabbath, a quiet reflective day once a week to let spirit revive us, whether through Church or synagogue, yoga or relaxation. Find more down time, less busy time. Lose the fear of ‘not being productive’ and rest more. Take daily naps. Get outside and watch the geese returning. Take a walk around your neighbourhood and smile at someone you don’t know.

Mid-life women are wisening up. Too pooped to cope anymore with everybody else’s ‘stuff’, we are turning to our own need for balance. On the airplane, if the oxygen mask suddenly drops down, it is suggested that you put one on yourself first, then on the vulnerable ones you are traveling with. Don’t wait for burn-out. Find out where you are on the 'dry well' scale - empty, half-full?

Do something good for the planet now, and take care of your heart. Find the sabbatu or heart’s rest, which in ancient times the Queen of Heaven took on her bleeding days. We have lost touch with the feminine art of rest and receiving. We can regain balance by toning down the ‘do it all today or die’ syndrome.

My personal effort to restore balance is to stop striving, resist the ‘perfectionist’ in me who is never satisfied, ignore the voice that wails, ‘it is never enough, I am not enough’. Breathe in, breathe out. Find balance and presence, find the center in the chaos. That will help the world. Give the world the gift of your presence.

Your children, your parents, your co-workers and friends, will all drink from the well of your plenitude.

be well,
musemother

Heed the change, women. Your blood is moving in new ways,, says Grandmother Growth (Susun Weed's book New Menopausal years The Wise Woman way).

"Resistance will only make you tired. Allow the movements and changes inside you to spill out. There is no separation between your life and your Change. Let go now of your routines, your habits, your need for control. Give yourself up to this Change, this metamorphosis, the seeming chaos. I promise you, it will only be for a short while."

We are blessed with this changing body, transforming at puberty, at pregnancy, after birthing, and again in our forties. It feels like the whole world wants to stop us from growing or changing from being 16 and slender, svelte and shining with youth. But Meta-morphosis is part of life. The Change is part of life. You can row upstream if you want, but you'll only get exhausted quicker.

Wisdom for today: go with the flow, even if it's acceptance of being tired. Lie down at mid-day and nap. Take a cat nap after work. Sit in a comfy chair for 30 minutes and read while the laundry is being done in the washing machine. Instead of doing 4 things at once, do only one thing at a time. Rest your tired brain by focusing on one thing.

Make a fire and watch the flames.

Take up knitting, weaving, crocheting: these wise woman crafts help calm the mind and bring a trance-like peace to women in the 'pause'.

Dance like a wild woman, alone in your room, in front of a window, in front of a mirror.

Allow yourself to be the outrageous Meta-Woman that you are!

Sing out loud at the top of your lungs, and let the energy from your center circulate up and out.

Be well, changing woman,

musemother